Friday, May 5, 2017

Knowing My Truth

"You know your truth, you know who you are. Not everyone has to get it, and that's okay. As long as you are being kind and honest, it's okay. People won't alway get you or understand you, and that's okay." That's what I always tell my kids. And what I had to tell myself this past week.

We all put our lives out on social media. We open ourselves up to judgment and ridicule. Normally I'm okay with that because I know my truth. I own my truth...good and bad. I live authentically and I guess you could call me an "authentic poster." Yeah, that means all my dumb happy kitchen dances are legit. I am really that ridiculous. My love of finding light and rainbows is legit too. But so is my struggle with anxiety and ADHD and trying to make enough money to pay our bills and parent my four children and understand how having a complicated mother can still screw me up even though I am a middle aged woman. I live in a rental house, my yard sucks (my neighbors will vouch for this), but I love my stupid front porch and post pictures from there as much as I can. I try to keep it real and not worry about what people think.

I also write a blog and co-produce a storytelling show. I used to have more time for a YouTube channel and vlogs and sponsored blog posts with all my kids. I have put almost everything out there. And most of the time, I'm cool with it. I've enjoyed being creative, connecting on a deeper level with so many people and getting opportunities to do really cool things through my "possibly-over-but-authentic-sharing."
The kick ass theater where I've co-produced a show for the last four years in Detroit.

The newly refurbished upstairs of the theater where I want to renew my vows for my 20th in 2020. For real.

Back-stage selfie.

My co-Angela/Producer after the show. 

But sometimes, when someone doesn't get it, or get me, and says something to me, about me, that I find incredibly inaccurate and hurtful and just sucks.

That happened to me recently. Someone said something about me without really knowing me and it stung. At first I rolled my eyes and laughed. But then I felt incredibly shitty, even a little heartbroken. Then I got pissed, then reflective, then thoughtful, then pissed again. And if you know me, you know that was just the first five minutes after reading/hearing the accusation. Now, after a few days and a little soul searching and gut checking, I think I'm closer to acceptance.  Here's what I kind of have figured out for now....I know my truth and I'm going to do my life.

I got part of that great advice from a comic/positive attitude idol of mine--Goldie Hawn. She was being interviewed on The Tonight Show this week and talked about what getting famous really fast when she was young was like. "Everyone sees you from their perspective, they don't see you," she explained. "They see how they project on you. It helped me not buy into love, not buy into hate, or bad reviews or good reviews. I just sort of put one foot in front of the other and did my life."

Right  on Goldie!

In a way, I'm grateful for the person that said the thing that made me feel pretty shitty. It's a reminder that even when you are a pretty secure, keeping-it-real kind of person, words can hurt. Hopefully that will make me a more empathetic parent as my kids navigate their way through growing up in this social-media-loving-everybody-has-an-opinion world. Hell, I hope it makes me a more empathetic person in general to all of us projecting all of our shit onto each other.

I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing my life, knowing my truth, sending good vibes to other people, searching for light, loving rainbows and loving the hell out of my kids and my front porch.

My whole world on my front porch.

Looking toward the light. Finding opportunity and humor and compassion and lessons in everything, everywhere. Doing my life. 

My truth. My heart. My love.
Volunteered in Wade's class during for art projects and I was in love. Look at all the colors!!!!
The little brothers watching their big brother play baseball. Full truth...this is right before they got in a fist fight and were throwing rocks at the lights and we had to leave. :)
I love this picture. It's like parenthood paparazzi caught a moment where I was making my teenager laugh. And not like a oh my god mom you are so dumb laugh. Ahhhhh!!!!!
This kid is joy and energy and light and love.
In honor of keeping it real,  Tim is showing them a clip from The Family Guy. That cheapens this cute family picture doesn't it? Lol. It wasn't a horrible clip. It was the one where the talking fly can't figure out how to fly out the you know that clip. It's funny.

A parent of a student at the preschool (where I work as an assistant teacher) made this quilt for me. SHE MADE IT BECAUSE I LOVE RAINBOWS!!! I mean, what! Amazing. I cried. 
Looking for the light, walking in my truth and trying to teach my children to do the same. Love and light forever and ever and ever and always and summer I can't wait for you.

LOVE this message. This was the song playing at the end of the show on Sunday.

(Click here to watch the video).

LOVE this song too.

(Click here to watch the video.)


  1. You have always been an inspiration to me. What this person said to you is more about them than you. I can say that my life is better for knowing you. You keep being you!

  2. You don't have to look far to find rainbows. You ARE a rainbow for so many people. Always happy to be your co-Angela! <3