Beautiful and Goofy--Traditions

It's Fall.
It's time for pumpkins and leaves and traditions and ahhhh!!!!
I love it all.


But there is less and less time for it all.



I refuse to let traditions die.

Sure they may change or be rushed and most definitely be messy and ridiculous, but they will be done (or at least most of them will be anyway). Rushed and messy and ridiculous is my whole life anyway right now. Life is also surprising and sweet and full of love and laughter. And I want my kids to remember all the messy, sweet, good stuff. I want to remember it. Years from now, and even a week from now when I (and maybe all of us) feel overwhelmed with something or other and want to be reminded of the surprising and the sweet and the love and the laughter.



Traditions like the pumpkin patch are the kick-off to our most tradition-filled season--Fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and dun-du-du-daaaaa (my trumpet-y sound)....Christmas. The pumpkin patch sets the tone for all of it. And all of it is important, to me. So last week we had 30 minutes in between games and birthday parties and homework and church and work, and we went to the patch for our pumpkins.

This year we added a corn maze to our tradition. Everyone loved it. Except me, I didn't love the corn maze. Maybe it was too much like my mind, all twists and turns and no certainty. Waaaa. Or maybe it was the fact that my whole family made it out and I didn't for a long time. They picked their pumpkins and were ready to go by the time I got out, and I was like "wait, what? I didn't take pictures or give an opinion and what?" They laughed. And again I was like "wait what?" Then we all laughed.











Last weekend, Tim and I got in a fight about something stupid and I left without him to take our annual "Fall Kid Picture." The kids were oblivious to our bickering. They posed and played together. An impromptu game of football broke out because of course. 








When I got back to the house, Tim and I laughed at how dumb we were being and sat together and looked at the pictures on my camera. 

"Look at how grown up they are!," Tim said kind of shocked. 

"And beautiful," I added. "And goofy."

We needed a reminder. That's what traditions and rituals and pictures do sometimes.They remind us that our life is surprising and sweet and full of love and laughter.

The tone of our traditions this year? Beautiful and goofy. Here we go....

Road Trip Stories: The Beach

Last month part of our road trip was spent on the beach. It.was.amazing. We were scheduled to travel to Atlanta, Georgia for JT's baseball tournament and I thought if we drove that far we should just keep driving after the tournament to Tybee Island (it's only 3-ish hours from Atlanta!).

We have been to Tybee Island a few times over the years. In fact, it's the only ocean/beach experience my kids have ever had. The other times we visited were part of big family reunions, the kind where you stay in a house with 25 other people. Those are awesome, but I was looking forward to having a beach experience with just my family. 



And now that my family is full of older kids, kids that aren't in diapers and don't need naps, going to the beach was so much more fun. The kids read on the beach and played in the waves. We only had one minor swallowed too much water and a little bit of sand incident with Wade. The kids enjoyed collecting shells and jumping waves. They marveled at sunsets and glimpses of dolphins.

At one point I was swimming in the ocean a little off to the side of my four kids and I was watching them. My heart felt like it was going to burst with love and happiness and gratitude. I felt so much peace. Just like other times during our road trip, I started singing a song from Hamilton (because I mean we listened to the soundtrack 1,432 times and became obsessed and it really was the soundtrack of our trip). I kept hum-singing this line from one of the songs--"isn't it great to be alive right now." YES! I am so glad I got to live that moment and feel it so big and with so much love and gratitude and awareness. 

This kid especially loved the beach and the waves and the fishing and asked if we could move there. I so wanted to say yes.

I love the palm trees and all the colors on the island--from the colors in the sky to the buildings.

Even their hurricane category sign is bright and cheery.

One thing I am particularly giddy and proud about was that I paid for the house I rented with money I earned from my part-time jobs. Sounds silly, but it meant a lot to me. The house was adorable and the perfect size for us. It had a backyard and was only a short walk to the ocean. (I rented through a company called Mermaid Cottages and would highly reccommend using them if you ever find yourself going to Tybee Island.)

It had an outdoor shower that I FELL IN LOVE WITH! Who knew?

The property also had a side yard with this tree that was magnificent. There was a swing too and lime trees! It all felt very magical.

I wish I could run away and open up a souvenir shop on the beach and we could all live in the apartment upstairs. And maybe I will someday, maybe I will. But for now I will hold tight to the wonderful memories and adventures and laughs and sunsets we had together, and remember what a great time it was to be alive right then and there, and I will smile and feel happy.

2015 Was A Hell of a Year

Maybe it's because Wade, the baby of the family, started kindergarten. Maybe it's because Peyton, the oldest of the family, is taller than his dad now. Maybe it's because of the new wrinkles I seem to find on my face all the time now. Maybe it's because time just seems to be moving so fast.  Whatever the reason, I am "beginning to feel the years" now more than ever. I heard that line in a song that I love by Brandi Carlile the other day and it just sort of felt like exactly how I feel.

This past year was full of big stuff for our family. There was a lot of change--new schools, new jobs, new opportunities. It was also a year of intense feelings-- fear, vulnerability, defeat, anxiety and so much joy and hope and love and light.

Feeling the years isn't so bad. It makes me more grateful. It makes it even clearer to me that it's all so fast and changing all the time. Feeling the years is about feeling more vulnerable and strong and wise and unknowing all at the same time. Feeling the years is about acknowledging and honoring aging, and growing and changing and being less afraid of it all.

Looking back on 2015, I'm struck by all the highs and lows-- 2015 was holding my son's hand in the ER not sure if he would need brain surgery, it was holding my husband who was grief-stricken by the multiple deaths at the high school where he is an assistant principal, it was dancing on stage in my old prom dress in front of 300 people, it was waving to my baby as he confidently walked into his kindergarten class, it was deciding that ADHD medication was the right decision for JT even though it scared us, it was going to Graceland, it was driving across 11 states with my kids, it was getting a bad ass tattoo on my arm, it was encouraging my kids, it was binge-watching Netflix, it was holding Tim's hand while we watched our kids jump off the dock into the lake again and again and again, it was trying to find some sort of life balance as a new working mom, it was listening to the Supreme Court decision about marriage equality on the radio while driving with my kids in the deep south and all of us cheering loudly together, it was putting together a trampoline all by myself, it was trying to explain Paris and South Carolina and San Bernadino to my kids, it was exploring New York City alone, it was laughing with friends, it was getting a puppy, and so much more. 2015 was a hell of a year and I'm feeling it all.

This picture is from my instagram feed. This is the caption, which explains why I go on road trips and what I try to remember throughout the year. "Quiet time on the hotel balcony before day 3 of our adventure. Thinking about how much I love my kids and how lucky I am that I have a husband who gets me and my need to go explore a little. And how funny that sometimes the cure for being afraid of the world is going out and seeing that is full of so much good, it really is."

Here's our year in review video with THE song from Brandi Carlile:

A Year In Review-- 2015 from Jumping With My Fingers Crossed on Vimeo.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from 2015, a hell of a year:

sparklers on my birthday cake every year!