Thursday, November 28, 2013

I Just Can't The Conclusion & Thoughts on Crazy

This week I wrote a few posts about things that I "just can't" (like animals, quinoa or kale chips) and it sort of turned into a series.  Here's the conclusion to my "just can't" series, a very special holiday episode of "I just can't."
This is my Thanksgiving jam this year.  Seriously, it's a good song with a good message to anyone who thinks they might be crazy.  That's why I love it.

I just can't...explain it.

We were supposed to go to Disney World.  We rented the condo, priced the tickets, saved, budgeted, told the kids.  A Thanksgiving in Disney World, the happiest place in the entire f-ing world.  It was going to be amazing.  No extended family, no big dinners, no emergency rooms, no protecting the kids from my crazy mother, no hours and hours of the Home Shopping Network, no awkward sadness, no regret or guilt.  Not this year.  

But then we ran into a few unexpected expenses over the summer and Disney was out of the picture.

"Sorry kids, we aren't going to Disney World this Thanksgiving," we told them a couple months ago.  "But we ARE going to Grammy's house for the day and that will be, um, fun," we added with strained smiles.

The kids handled it quite well, which makes me wonder if they ever really believed that we were actually going to Disney World in the first place.

They are good kids, sweet kids, compassionate kids.  I love these things about my kids.  These things are why I must think it's okay to take them to visit my mother.  They are compassionate about her quirkiness and her forgetfulness and her falling asleep at the dinner table-ness.  They are understanding in some weird no-judgement kid way when she seems totally disinterested in them one minute and then completely over the moon singing songs and trying to get them to dance with them the next.

They don't question it too much.  But I do.  I can't figure out why I keep going to my mother's for Thanksgiving.  For the past couple years, it's been the only time we see her.  
Because it's the right thing to do? Because she's alone? I just can't....explain it.

I just can't....stop being afraid.

The older I get the more compassion I have for my mother.  Even the mean-spirited, difficult, manipulative person she can be most of the time.  I think back to what the world was like 30 years ago when she was really starting down the path of mental instability.  No one said "bi polar."  There was no Britney, Lindsey or Charlie having public meltdowns on camera and on Twitter.  

I remember one day after school when I was a kid watching Donahue while I ate a bowl of cereal and Patty Duke was on talking about her mental illness.  I knew Patty Duke from old Nick-At-Nite reruns.  When I heard her talk about her manic highs and her depression I felt like someone was describing so much of my mother.  But then the show was over and that was that.

My mother never got the right help or understanding that she needed, or that might be available to her today.  While my heart aches for what could have been for her, for all of us, my fear is bigger.  I am afraid that maybe I am branded with the genetic marker for depression/anxiety/bi-polar/borderline personality/addiction.  I am afraid that it is inevitable.

I just can't....stop finding some of it funny. 
If you can't laugh, then you are dead.  I truly believe that.  I mean there's always something funny (eventually) about a situation.

This Thanksgiving my mother is only having my family and me for dinner.  I have siblings, they just won't be there.

"I just can't handle too many people," she informed me over the phone in her slurry, slightly agitated, southern drawl.  "I'm just trying to not end up with hallucinations this year.  Every other year after all of your loud kids leave I end up hallucinating."

Yeah, you thought you had something to worry about like overeating or someone bringing up Obamacare at the dinner table.  Whatever.  We are trying not to hallucinate here.

I know.  Maybe you aren't laughing.  You're thinking this is the most f#*@ing depressing Thanksgiving post ever.  Welcome to my world.  No, I'm kidding.  It's not all dark and twisty.  

There will be moments that don't make sense, there will be moments that scare me, but there will also be moments that bring out the best in my children.  There will be moments where my husband supports me (and my fears and worries) with every ounce of his being and I will fall in love with him again in those moments.  We will drive home and I will probably cry with relief and/or rage, but then I will laugh.  Because there is always something funny and for that I am grateful.

And next Thanksgiving, I might say I just can't....go.

Here's my holiday jam.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

I Just Can't Part Two & Pinterest Poser Challenge Fails

I just can't part two...

Yesterday I revealed that even though my family loves animals, I just can't.

And now I am confessing a few of my Pinterest Poser Challenge* Fails and some other just can'ts.


*In an attempt at not being a Pinterest Poser,** every week I  detail a new Pinterest challenge whether it be a new recipe or a craft.   
**My definition of a Pinterest Poser is someone who is all pins and no substance.**


I just can't make perfectly drawn chevron pumpkins.  I tried though (based on a Pinterest post).  
I taped my pumpkin with Lucy's purple Duck Tape in a sort of chevron pattern and started painting my pumpkin orange.  That sounds so weird, but yeah, I painted my white pumpkin orange.

And it looks okay, maybe, right?  

But look closer....nothing Pinterest perfect about that chevron paint job.

I just can't love kale chips.

I am not a kale hater. I like kale.  But the trendy homemade kale chips, nope.  I tried (inspired by a Pinterest post).  After I tasted them, I didn't even make the kids try them.  It was like eating salted, thin paper with a bad after taste.  I just can't.

I don't love quinoa, okay I hate it.  


I've tried quite a few different recipes adding veggies and spices and flavor, but I just can't.  And I really want to like it because it's gluten free and we are a gluten free family and they are making entire cook books, web sites, blogs and more about the stuff.  But nope. I just can't eat/make/love quinoa.

Have you made anything on Pinterest lately and just can't?  Share what worked and what didn't, leave a comment here or on my Facebook page.

Come on over and follow my Pinterest boards too.


Here are some of the projects I've already attempted, the good and the bad:

Make Your Own Stamps- click here
Birthday Shirt- click here
Gluten Free Pop Tarts- click here
Front Porch Kid Art Display- click here
Door turned into Table- click here

Summer Wish List Chalkboard-click here
Peanut Butter Nutella Cookie Sandwiches-click here
Painted Mason Jar Vases-click here
Cinco de Mayo Paper Flowersclick here
Earth Day CupcakesClick here
Nail Art-click here
Homemade Photo Booth Funclick here
Fake Bangs- click here
DIY Subway Art- click here
Furniture Painting and Bench/Chest Makeover- click here
Thanksgiving-y Project/Gratitude/Holiday Countdown- click here
The Smoothie-click here
The Free Printable Turned Artwork in a Boring Hallway- click here
The chalk board-click here
Seven Layer Dip in Individual Cups (my favorite so far!)-click here
The pumpkin address-click here
The Kitchen Dancing Sign--click here


Come play with me on Instagram @jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed.
Oh yeah, and come follow me on Twitter @AngelaYBlood and subscribe to my MomPulse YouTube channel here.



Monday, November 25, 2013

I Just Can't


"You can't kill her!," wailed Lucy.  "Not Beans!!!!!"

There was some drama in the house recently.  Drama involving a mouse that apparently my kind-hearted children named Beans.  

We had our suspicions, we heard noises.  So, we set a trap.  A humane glue trap per our kids' request.  And we caught a mouse that according to Lucy was "soooooo cute." Whatever.  I never even looked at the thing.

The mouse, I mean Beans, was stuck to the glue trap in a large bucket that I asked the kids to set outside to wait for Tim to handle when he came home from work.  Each of the younger kids took turns going outside to visit with and check on Beans.    

"Mom, why don't you like dogs, deers, frogs and Beans?," Wade asked me all wide-eyed and innocent.    

"I like them, I just don't want to be around most of those animals," I said.

The morning after the mouse drama, I stared down three deer in my front yard.  There I was sitting on my front porch sort of hiding behind a tree watching Peyton and making sure he got on the middle school bus.  I used to watch from the sidewalk but he told me that was creepy.  So, now I hide behind a tree in the dark on my porch, nothing creepy about that.  Anyway, there I was waiting, watching when three deer just clip-clopped arrogantly up the sidewalk.  

They made their way into my front yard mere steps away from my perch on the porch.  We glared at each other.  I pounded my fist on the table to scare them and I swear they laughed at me.  Okay, maybe they sneered and snorted or just stared but they definitely didn't move.  They didn't move until they wanted to.  Those deer were in control. 
Source: Pinterest

Just like Beans reigned over my side door, the door leading to my minivan.  While Beans waited in the bucket stuck to the glue trap, I used the front door and moved the minivan to the street. When Tim did finally get home, he and the kids bundled up to take Beans to his new residence, the woods.  They sadly said good-bye to Beans and wished him well on his new adventures.

While I am inspired by my family's sweetness and big-heartedness, I just can't.  I can't do it. I don't wish animals any harm, but I just don't like them very much or at all.  And sometimes I feel guilty about it.  (It does make me feel better that Tina Fey doesn't like animals either).
           _____________________________________


“I have no affinity for animals. I don’t hate animals and I would never hurt an animal; I just don’t actively care about them. When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.”


― Tina FeyBossypants

          _______________________________________

But seriously, what the hell nature?  It's like they (all of nature) know that I can't handle it.  It's like Beans told the deer and the deer told the squirrels and the squirrels told the rabbit "you want to have some fun? just go walk by that lady in the brown house, all you have to do is walk by and she will fuuurrreak out."

The animals are f@&(ing with me.


I've showed this clip before because it's funny.  I don't watch the show, The Family Guy, but Tim loves it.  And this is funny.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Loud Houses, What I Know For Sure & #IPPP


It is never quiet or boring at my house.   
Being a loud, noisy house full of action means you have to be ready for anything.  Like leaf attacks.

Wade's "Crazy Leaf Throwing Ambush" plan is set in motion.
He collects his leaves and waits for
the big kids to get off the bus.

And waits.

And attacks.


We try to teach boundaries and some of them try to set their own.  Like Lucy's "No Boys Allowed" sign with a thousand exclamation points on her bedroom door.  The sign only increased their curiosity of course.  And well....





It's never dull, never quiet, never boring.  In fact, it's really f#&*ing loud in our house.  But I love it.  I love Lucy at the piano practicing her Christmas songs, Wade playing tag with the dog in our tiny kitchen while I'm making dinner, JT and Peyton coming in and out the side door even though I told them to use the back door, friends coming to the front door to ask the kids to play.  I love the sounds of make believe coming from Lucy's dramatic storylines for her stuffed animals, the theme song of Doc McStuffins coming from the living room TV and the theme song from SportsCenter coming from the other TV, kids running up and down the stairs, chasing, laughing, singing, playing, bickering, knocking, squealing.  It's so alive--it's our loud life and I love it, I know that for sure (right now).  


Here's what else I know for sure (right now):


  • Mothering, caretaking, is beautiful.  This video is all kinds of amazing and touching.  I'd love to see a video about mothers and their tweens or teens.  Because it's a whole different sweetness.  I enjoy spending time with my older kids, talking and listening and watching them figure some of the world out.  It's bittersweet sometimes and I get scared thinking about some of the stuff that is ahead of us very soon.  But it's beautiful too.


3 Queens from Matt Bieler on Vimeo.


  • It feels good to give. I'm giving more stuff away! Win a fun adventure series of books that got the Lucy seal of approval--Travels With Gannon & Wyatt.  Read more and find out how to win here.

  • Wade has set up shop in the living room, I mean his new office.  He is going through an adorable phase where he constantly plays pretend.  "I like Doc McStuffins and strawberries and playing," he informed me (with his cute little lisp) while I visited his office.  I sat on the couch and we talked about stuff.  "Now give me money," he ordered holding out his hand waiting to put it in his pretend cash register.  I guess he was playing pretend therapist.

  • We take UNO very seriously in our house.  


  • Bangs can be a little tricky.  I know I'm a year behind the Michelle Obama trend, but I did indeed get bangs this past weekend.  And they looked soooo good.  So of course I shared them on Facebook.  But a few days later, well, they are a little wonky.  I have Pippy Longstocking bangs that just kind of stick straight out.  The picture below looks like a before and after "don't do drugs kids because look how it can f*ck up your whole look" poster.




What do you know for sure (this week)? C'mon, we're friends, share what you know. 

Leave a comment here or on my Facebook page or on Twitter.



Please come play with me on Instagram @jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed

I'm linking up today with my friends Greta from  Gfunkified.com and Robin from FarewellStranger.com for the #iPPP link up.  They host a link up where they encourage people to share "your funny, your yummy, your heartfelt, your favorite photos of the week" from our phones. 

GFunkified
Check them out.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Gratitude (Again) & A Pinterest Poser Challenge

My Pinterest-inspired (copied) chalkboard message.
This past Sunday, Tim and I taught JT's Sunday school class.  The class consisted of six rowdy, hyped-up 7-year-old boys.  Not being very prepared for class, we filled it with what we like to call "community-building ice breakers and games."  
Pre-Sunday school scramble.
We kind of have our own Sunday school class
just with all of our kids.  

Since Thanksgiving is right around the corner, we asked the very original question "what are you grateful for?" 

We got the usual "my family," "video games" and "pizza" responses of course.  But then a sweet little squeaky voice said "time."  That squeaky voice belonged to my rowdy, hyped-up 7-year-old JT.
 
Source: Pinterest

I was kind of blown away.  Maybe he got the whole bigger picture of time as in his time here on this planet.  Maybe he was only talking about the time he got to play goofy ice-breaker games with other rowdy 7-year-olds.  Whatever, I just loved his answer.  It stopped me in my tracks and made me grateful.  Grateful for my time right at that moment.  Tim and I together in those tiny little chairs in the Sunday School room. Overacting the skit about the prophet Elijah for the handful of second-graders.  JT's squeaky voice and crooked smile.  Being together.  Being alive.  Being loved.

You should ask your kids what they are grateful for this Thanksgiving.  Sure a lot of them will say "my iPod Touch" or "Pop Tarts."  But some kids (maybe those same kids that say Pop Tarts) may also say something profound or sweet that makes you all feel a whole lot of gratitude and love.



Source: The Pleated Poppy
Love this and you can print it out for your Thanksgiving celebration of gratitude.
Click here for the free download it.   


Due to a power outage and my kids missing school, I didn't do the Pinterest Poser Challenge I wanted to, but here are a couple old favorites.


(In an attempt at not being a Pinterest Poser,* every week I  detail a new Pinterest challenge whether it be a new recipe or a craft.   

**My definition of a Pinterest Poser is someone who is all pins and no substance.**)


Here are two Pinterest-inspired gratitude projects to inspire thankful thoughts and feelings:

The Gratitude Dinner is simple.  It involves brown paper from the Dollar Store, Sharpies and a dinner table.  This would be the perfect, fun way to get the gratitude conversation rolling at Thanksgiving (the kid table and the grown up table).
Click here to find out more.



The Give Thanks Project is sort of like an Advent Calendar only with gratitude challenges and activities. We got really into this last year. The whole project is pretty much free and can be abbreviated to a one week countdown to Thanksgiving.
Click here to find out more.


I am grateful that I get to host giveaways on my blog and make people happy.  I'm no Oprah or Ellen, but I'm happy to announce the winner of the Sweet Serendipity dress giveaway:
Rebecca Xavier, congratulations you won!!!




Did you ask your kids what they are grateful for?  What did they say?  What are you grateful for?  Have you made anything on Pinterest lately?  Share what worked and what didn't, leave a comment here or on my Facebook page.

Come on over and follow my Pinterest boards too.

Here are some of the projects I've already attempted, the good and the bad:

Make Your Own Stamps- click here
Birthday Shirt- click here
Gluten Free Pop Tarts- click here
Front Porch Kid Art Display- click here
Door turned into Table- click here

Summer Wish List Chalkboard-click here
Peanut Butter Nutella Cookie Sandwiches-click here
Painted Mason Jar Vases-click here
Cinco de Mayo Paper Flowersclick here
Earth Day CupcakesClick here
Nail Art-click here
Homemade Photo Booth Funclick here
Fake Bangs- click here
DIY Subway Art- click here
Furniture Painting and Bench/Chest Makeover- click here
Thanksgiving-y Project/Gratitude/Holiday Countdown- click here
The Smoothie-click here
The Free Printable Turned Artwork in a Boring Hallway- click here
The chalk board-click here
Seven Layer Dip in Individual Cups (my favorite so far!)-click here
The pumpkin address-click here
The Kitchen Dancing Sign--click here


Come play with me on Instagram @jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed.
Oh yeah, and come follow me on Twitter @AngelaYBlood and subscribe to my MomPulse YouTube channel here.