Today I'm 40

This badass picture is from the fabulous, creative genius Jarrad Henderson who was our photographer for the LTYM event. And now our friend for life. Check him out at jarradhenderson.com.

Today I'm 40.

It feels good to get on this side of 39.  I feel like I'm in sort of the sweet spot of aging--I'm owning the whole getting older and wiser thang.  I'm old enough to know I can type or say "thang" and not give a shit (I still never type "cuz" or "ya").  I'm old enough to know that comfortable pants and sleep really do matter.  I'm old enough to know that things don't work out the way you want them too a lot of the time, and that sometimes they are better than you ever could have imagined or dreamed and sometimes not so much.   I'm still young enough to have most of my parts working like they always have (except my metabolism, that died at 36).  I'm young enough to have the luxury to be patient with myself and life.

At 40 I appreciate more.  I appreciate good music and good wine.  I appreciate silliness and dancing ( a lot).  I appreciate time.  I appreciate the other side of pain and struggle.

Today I'm celebrating not just all the good stuff that 40 is.  I'm celebrating this side of 39, because this past year was a particularly hard one.  It was a year I fought through, and for.  It was raw and ugly, trudging through mud, smiling through grief, battling demons, fighting off the monster that is anxiety...it was intense and powerful.  It was setting boundaries, seeing situations clearly for the first time, letting go, moving on.

Today I am celebrating breaking on through to the other side like an overplayed Doors' song, that sadly I always relate to really bad fraternity parties in the early 90s.

There were some really high highs this year, ahem, my stage debut.  And a million small, wonderful, heart-crushingly sweet moments.  The painful parts of this year make me appreciate all of the good stuff so much more.

Because on this side of 39, I am old enough to really get that life isn't all one way--it's not all good or all bad.  I'm old enough to understand and accept that there's always going to be good and bad, light and dark, ugly and beautiful, joy and pain.  

Today I'm 40.  I'm going to celebrate.  I'm going to dance.  I'm going break on through to the other side.

Dance with me.  Here are a few of my favorite dance jams of all time:

Gladys Knight's I've Got To Use My Imagination

Madonna's Holiday


Crystal Water's Pure Love


Tina Turner's Proud Mary

Older & Wiser and What I Know For Sure

I am officially a month and two days away from being 40 years old.  I'm making 40 a big deal, because it just feels like a big deal.  Call it a milestone or a mid-life something, whatever it is, it feels big to me.  

This past Sunday when I went on stage to read my story at LTYM, I felt so damn good.

I mean I felt like I was home.  

The pictures are from the fabulous, creative genius Jarrad Henderson who was our photographer for the LTYM event.  And now our friend for life.  Check him out at jarradhenderson.com.

I felt more comfortable on stage than I do at any family party or PTA anything.  It was a really wonderful feeling that left me cursing my younger self.  Why hadn't I been a part of the drama club in high school?  I could have found my comfort zone and my people waaaaay before mid-life dammit.  

But here's the thing, being one month and two days away from 40 means I'm not just getting older, but I'm getting wiser too.  And I am wise enough to know that I wasn't ready until now, for so many things.  From parenting tweens to managing issues with my own mother to accepting my body and the fact that bouts of depression will creep into my life from time to time to taking the stage--I wasn't ready until now to deal, handle, accept, take on, appreciate or enjoy.  

Learning from mistakes, analyzing every god damn thing, relaxing about so much and just saying "fuck it" are all a part of the older/wiser thing.  

I look forward to 40 and tweens turning into teens and surviving the lows of life and appreciating joy and health and happiness.  I look forward to maybe getting on another stage or two before I'm 50 (because who knows what THAT milestone will be like).  I know for sure that I'm getting more and more comfortable in my skin and it feels sort of great.  

Here's what else I know for sure this week:

• I may be old, but I still like the pop music that the teenagers are listening to.  I can't help it, I LOVE the Iggy Azalea song Fancy.  Here's the clean version (because yeah, I can't handle the explicit).  Oh my god, I love it.

• Summer is almost here and I can't wait.  It was over 80 degrees yesterday and we had our first dinner on my beloved porch.  Woot! Woot!

• I'm vlogging again. And yeah, I'm not afraid to vlog from the steps of the capitol building.  OR do my best Kevin Spacey from House of Cards impression.  Check it.  

• Listen To Your Mother Detroit was a huge success.  For real.  Words like inspiring, life-changing, ahhhhhhmazing with six h's don't even do it justice.  Click here for my summary of the day.

Another great shot from Jarrad.
Check him out at jarradhenderson.com.

• Oh yeah, Mother's Day is this weekend...and here's a video that has nothing to do with it.  Except that I LOVE it so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wishing everyone a happy Mother's Day.  What do you know for sure this week, right now?  Come on, we're friends, share what you know.  Leave a comment here or over on my Facebook page.

Come on over and play with me on Instagram- @Jumingwithmyfingerscrossed.

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