Renewing All The Vows

Last Sunday, Tim and I stood in front of the congregation in church and laughed our way through our vows. Just like we did over 15 years ago. Vowing to love each other forever and ever and ever.

When we decided to get married all those years ago we just sort of jumped in full of love and cluelessness. We were driven by hope and passion and that all-in kind of love. We dreamed of a big family and traditions and having fun and being together forever. But we were clueless about how exhausting it can all be and how marriage can be tricky and getting older is weird and that jobs just don't get offered and money is always an issue, always. We were clueless that parenting teenagers would involve all this damn phone/texting/instagramming bullshit. We were clueless about how being a parent makes you feel worried about so much and feel so god damn vulnerable. We were clueless about how fast it all goes.  

Last Saturday night Tim and I were in the middle of our normal weekend miscommunication that leads to a fight and mean text messages sent back and forth and then apologies and "we didn't mean it we are just so tired" explanations. It's become just what we do every weekend. It's not a great thing but we have kind of gotten into a rut. We haven't been on a date night since last January. Yeah, almost a year. And we are both really tired and possibly a bit cranky.

After looking at our schedules, we realized we didn't have anywhere to be the next day until 1 p.m. A free morning with everyone home is pretty unheard of around here, so Tim and I were psyched.  

"Can we please go to church tomorrow?," asked Lucy.

"Yeah, let's go," chimed in Peyton.

Tim and I looked at each other nervously. We haven't been to church in a while. "Um, you know we have to go if our kids are asking us to go to church, we have to go," Tim whispered. I knew he was right and it wasn't that I didn't want to go, I just wanted to be together and do nothing more.

That's how we found ourselves in front of the congregation renewing our vows. Turns out our church was honoring marriages that were celebrating five year increments, you know five, 10, 15, 20 and so on and so on. The minister asked the anniversary couples up to the front of the church. Tim and I were the youngest couple there. Whaaat? We joined friends of mine that I volunteer with every summer during Vacation Bible School, Tom and Jan, who were celebrating their 50th. There were couples celebrating 40 years, 30 years and then us, 15. Together we all said our vows aloud as we looked at our respective spouses.  

When I held Tim's hands and looked into his eyes I started laughing and he smiled. It was just like it had been 15 years ago. Except we are older and way more tired and wrinkled and vulnerable. But we are also sort of dumbfounded that so many of our dreams have come true. We have the big family and the traditions and love that goes on forever and ever and ever. We are a little bit less clueless but still hopeful.

Staring at him all these years later and looking down the aisle and seeing couples that have been through so much more and loved longer I felt inspired. Then I looked up to smile at our kids in the pews only to see Lucy on her phone. Cursing technology (in my head) I took a vow to not let technology crush our dreams, or exhaustion or lack of date nights, or being too busy for traditions, or Saturday night fights.

After church we headed straight to the pumpkin patch for our annual pumpkin picking and hayride tradition.

Yup, Lucy had her phone because duh. 

I jumped in the picture because we had just come from our impromptu vow renewal and we were feeling all romantic and inspired.

The loves of my life and my dream come true. Seriously.

And then we went straight to Wade's flag football game because it's not a weekend in October without someone playing a football game.

After the game, we all went to the annual Halloween Hoopla hosted by my in-laws. My in-laws are an amazing example of love and marriage and family and being there and having fun.  

These Star Wars costumes make it look like it's 1982 all over again. And I love it.

Grandma goes all out every year. 

I promise stuff doesn't have to be all complicated and expensive and involve a charger...kids have a blast playing pop the balloon.

And painting pumpkins.

We are actually kind of constantly renewing our vows, our beliefs and our dreams and our love. Each tradition, each family dinner, each holiday party, each game where we go to cheer each other on, we are renewing all of it. All the love, all the hope, all the dreams.

And it turns out Lucy wasn't playing on her phone in church after all, she was taking pictures of our vow renewal. There's hope!

Sports, Kids and Advice

The other day I was standing in line at the grocery store.  As I lifted the giant bag of dog food out of my cart the guy behind me in line started asking me about my dog.  I told him we have a Labrador Retriever and a Golden Doodle. He told me he had a Labrador. We told a couple stories about our dogs. Then we told a couple stories about our kids. His kids were older and his "baby" was in college. The man talked proudly about his kids' success in college and beyond.

I asked him if he had any advice for me since I was a few years behind him.

"Well," he said. "Wear them out just like you would your Lab."

We laughed and I told him the only one that seemed exhausted lately was me.

As I was pushing my cart away and wishing him well he added "oh yeah, have fun. It's hard and tiring, but it's fun too."

This past weekend was both tiring and fun, for all of us.  There were football games, bonfires, bike rides, friends' houses, more football games, a baseball game, a basketball game and family meals and movie nights.  

It wasn't all Kumbaya and happiness however. Our oven broke, Tim and I got in a pretty big fight in between football games because of a miscommunication about who was driving who where and what time and how are we going to cook dinner and waaaaa, I cried and sent pretty mean text messages to Tim because I am a tiny bit dramatic and emotional, the kids fought because they are kids and that's what kids do, one of the dogs chewed up a book, the laundry just kept piling and piling higher and higher, I had a little social anxiety issue and we got the time wrong for Wade's flag football game. 

I mean that's normal, right? Well it's normal for us. We are all over the place, we mess times up, we will never catch up on laundry, ever. BUT that is just part of the story. The other parts are the wearing out of children and the cheering and the having fun as a family.

Tim coaches almost every team of every one of our kids. No joke, the guy is everywhere. He is supportive and patient and kind. He knows sports and knows the power of sports. Yes the wearing out aspect, but also the teaching kids to work as part of a team aspect, the working hard and believing in your ability aspect, the wanting something and going for it aspect; the pride, the love, the respect, the community, the support that sports can bring to kids and families.  And Tim really has fun.

I love that all the boys are on the sidelines for each other. Tim is JT's head coach. Peyton helps out and Wade is one of the water boys. 

Peyton's team came back from being behind in the last two minutes of the game to win it. So fun to watch and so fun to see him so happy. But when did he start looking so grown up? 

I am a believer in all the good aspects of sports and being busy. But I am also a believer in knowing what's right for your kid and your family. More than once lately I've heard a mom exclaim proudly "we don't let our child do more than one sport or activity, nope, more than one is too much."  Some of the moms have added the "at least in my book" just for clarity I guess.

Well, in my book I've found that it depends on the kid. Some of my kids seriously need to be involved in as much as possible. They thrive on the active-ness of being busy and moving. Their brains work better. They sleep better. They are nicer. They get better grades. But some of my kids need more downtime. They need more time to read and daydream and not be moving. Too much of everything makes them lose sleep, their grades go down and they get meaner.

It's a balancing act. It's listening to the guys in the grocery line, the moms on the side line, all the voices on line and THEN making the best choices for your kids and your family. What works for us may totally not work for you. It's about caring and loving and being there and trying things and messing up and then making up and a hell of a lot of driving and oh yeah, it's about having fun too.

Wade was late but went all out in every play during his flag football game, once we finally got there.

Oh my god, these freckles make my heart burst with love. Ahhhhhh!

Lucy's team was short a player so JT filled in. Lucy loved it. I love how she stopped to tell me something before passing him the ball. 

I love watching Tim coach the kids. He's pretty amazing.

Lucy was getting so mad during the game I thought she might get in a fight. I loved her passion and that she was finally mad at someone other than me. Sports are kind of magic that way.

Squeezing in a family meal before a day of a million games. 

Exhausted

Parenthood is exhausting.  And sorry mamas of little babies, it seems to only get more tiring as the babies get older.  The babies get more involved in things, need rides places and cheerleaders; they give up naps and stay up later; they have bigger problems and if you are lucky they talk to you about them. And the big joke is that we parents are just getting older and slower and more tired.  Ahhhhh!   

Tim and I had about an hour in between kid activities this Saturday and we fell asleep on the porch. Lucy took this picture. Tim's T-Rex hands make all of us laugh.

I remember fondly those days with my babies all full of routines and naptimes and early bedtimes. Weekends in the fall were spent at cider mills and farmers' market and hanging out at home, and don't forget those naps and early bedtimes.  My shoulders relax just thinking about those days.

Even though I'm exhausted, I mean really, really tired, I am actually enjoying so much of this busy, hectic season of life with four kids. It's all seasons and ebbs and flows right? This is a new season of parenting and I think I'm finally adjusting to it a little bit. I mean I'm still really tired.

I love that we are in the phase where the kids want to hang out with us still.

I love that we get to cheer on our kids and watch them work hard and have fun.

I love that we try to have as many meals together as possible.  It's not dinner every night but sometimes it's a big breakfast in between games and other nights it's a late night dinner in the dark on the front porch.

I am learning to accept that I suck at organizing but acknowledge that I'm pretty good at making memories and finding time to be together. I am learning that it's okay that we can't be at everybody's everything. I am learning that it's okay to cry because you are so tired after a long busy happy but exhausting weekend. It is exhausting, but I love this whole parenthood/family gig so much and am getting a little better at finding the joy in this hectic busy season of it all.