More Tears and What I Know For Sure

I cried more than normal this week.  I cried over my pants being too tight, the house being too messy, bills being too expensive and my dog being too needy.  I cried because  all the leaves are gone from my favorite tree which means stupid winter is coming.  I cried because I felt stuck in old, impulsive patterns.  I cried because my hormones suck and make me feel crazy.  I cried because I felt powerless and vulnerable and like life is so unfair.

As I sat in the kitchen watching YouTube videos feeling sorry for myself, Cosi my needy best friend/dog started barking out the window.  She thought the coat that Peyton had left on the fence was a person in our back yard and she was sort of freaking out.  I was annoyed.  "It's a coat!," I said.  She kept barking.  "Fine! I'll show you, it's a coat," I reasoned with her and went out the back door.  She followed me out to the yard but was acting funny.  Cosi was circling me, barking.  I started to jog to the coat and that must have made her even more nervous.  The next thing I remember is being on the ground with Wade standing over me.

"Are you okay?," Lucy called from the house.  "Should I call 911?"

"No, I'm okay," I assured her.  Cosi had run so fast in circles she had knocked me over onto the ground and I possibly blacked out for  a few seconds.

I hobbled my old ass into the house and starting crying, again.  I cried with relief because I was okay. But geez, life can change in one minute.  One wound up/scared dog circling you can knock you over and change everything.  I mean what if I had blacked out longer? hit my head on a rock? broken my old ass hips that just graduated from physical therapy?  I cried with relief from all the what ifs' and near misses in life.  

I felt better sort of, like I got perspective, like I dodged a bullet.  Like the bills, my bad budgeting and too-tight pants didn't matter as much.  

The next day I got a call about a friend whose husband is dying.  What? How? No! I cried because it didn't make sense.  I cried because I felt powerless and vulnerable and like life is so unfair.

Later that same day, I read a status update on Facebook about a friend who got good news that she didn't need chemotherapy for breast cancer. I cried because I felt so happy and hopeful.


What I know for sure this week is that too-tight pants don't matter at all, but good friends and good health and love do matter.  Life is all highs and lows and roller coaster-y.  It's unfair and beautiful and cruel and heartless and random and intentional and hopeful and all kinds of wonderful.  There is so much to be grateful for and so many people to hug and cry for and support and celebrate and love. And some weeks are full of more tears than others, I know that for sure this week.

I cried because I thought it was so sweet that Lucy was trying to watch the solar eclipse with a handmade viewing device.  I remember making something like that to watch a solar eclipse in Mr. McKee's class in 1984.  

Here's What Else I Know For Sure This Week:

• Wade is one cool Pre-K kid.  It was picture day in Pre-K this week and Wade chose his own outfit.  He was so excited.  I told the teachers it was okay for him to wear the sunglasses and he did indeed wear them for the professional pictures. Ha!

• I read an amazing book, a New York Times bestselling book called Rare Bird.  It taught me so much about grief and faith.  I got to write a review of it on Mamalode.  Click here to read it. 

• Art is everywhere.  Wade and I stumbled upon this in a town nearby us.  

• I got paid recently and it felt great.  Here's the video in case you missed it.

• I have thoughts on the whole Renee Zellwegger situation.  Did you see people get all fired up on her possible plastic surgery?  Here's what I think...yup, she looks different. BUT I didn't hear ANYONE say that she might have had the eyelid surgery because her eyelid overhang was giving her headaches and causing vision issues.  I will say it.  Look, Renee and I have the eyelid overhang issue in common, or at least we used to.  I hate my eyelids and they give me headaches, I would have the surgery in a heartbeat if my insurance would cover it and if I wasn't such a wimp about anesthesia.  

• I miss Friday Night Lights.  I may have cried this week because I miss watching my show.  Tim and I are finished with all the seasons and waaaaa, I miss it.  Best.Show.Ever.

What do YOU know for sure this week?  Share all your knowledge here in the comments or over on my Facebook page.


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A Little Space and What I Know For Sure (this week)

I started to feel it this week, the growing anxiety and uncomfortableness of the holiday season.  Ugh.  It was either that or the fact that I watched Parenthood on Tuesday and cried, again.  I mean it's a good show, but my goodness some things really hit home and ugh, just ugh.

In an unlikely move, after the brief post Parenthood cry I pushed my feelings inside.  Deep inside to be dealt with later, like next week when it's actually the holiday.  Something to look forward to, yay.

Instead, I reveled in routine and the fact that three out of four of my children were in school every day this week.  It's crazy, I mean crazy, to try to get everyone ready and out of the house on time, but good god it's worth it.  

Here's our lunch packing assembly line.  I think they are as eager to get out of the house as I am to get them out.

If we're going to get through the holidays (and all my old wounds/shitty holiday anxiety weirdness), we all need a little space, this I know for sure.

Here's what else I know for sure (this week):

• A good cry is necessary sometimes.  Especially if it's over a show and not real life drama.  I usually don't like these types of videos, but here's a pretty good one on Parenthood.

• As a first time mom, I had my shit together.  Sadly, it's all gone down hill in some ways.  Even though I don't have a handle on toddler benchmarks, I do have a lot of fun and enjoy my family. Here's my latest MomPulse video on the topic.

• YouTube is the bomb.  If you would like to subscribe to my MomPulse YouTube channel, click here.

• I missed my calling....I should've been a DJ.  The opening act at the Madonna concert was a DJ.  Dude, I could totally do that.  And be good.  Who knows, maybe I'll spin some tunes one day.  

• The kindness of strangers is great and all, but it doesn't make them great photographers.  A nice man at the park last weekend asked if I wanted to be in the picture with my kids and this was the result:

• I have freakishly long arms. The end.

• The movie Lincoln looks amazing.  Tim and I are going to see the movie tonight, which means it's going to be caffeine loaded drinks at dinner and no alcohol in order to stay awake for this dialogue heavy, but important (and well reviewed) movie.

• Wade keeps things interesting while the older kids are at school.  

• I love having my boys, but having a daughter is pretty amazing.  I know, I know, I may not feel that way in a few years.  All the more reason to really dig it now.  Plus she totally gets me.

• Instagram is where it's at, remember that.  Come play with me.

What do you know for sure (this week)? C'mon, we're friends, share what you know.  Leave a comment here or on the Facebook page.

I'm linking up today with my instagram/Blissdom/blogland friend Greta from  Gfunkified.com and her pal Mamamash.com for the #iPPP link up.