Monday, March 20, 2017

Fine Universe, I Get It, I Need to Chill Out

Last Friday morning I woke up at 4:30, for the fifth day in a row to get stuff done. 

I did a few minutes of the yoga type stretching that I'm trying to do to help my back. I did a few minutes of writing for my freelance job. I ran upstairs to wake up the teenagers for school. I took a shower. I fed the dogs and let them outside. Went back upstairs to make sure the teenagers were actually up. 

Watched Morning Joe while making a spinach smoothie for the oldest teenager and myself. Made lunches for the kids. Tried to hug the anti-hugging teenagers goodbye as they left in the darkness for the bus stop. Woke up the little boys. Made breakfast for them. Put a load of laundry in the washer. Broke up three fist fights between the little boys (they aren't each other's favorites). Yelled a little bit. Swept up dog hair off the wood floors. Yelled a little bit more. 

Said good morning to Tim who woke up and went to take a shower. Watched as he told jokes to the little boys and then grabbed a banana and went out the door for work. 

I finally dried my hair. Reminded JT to get his homework (for the 10th time). Went outside to start the minivan so the frost would defrost. Cried for a minute in the minivan. Went back inside and told the boys to get their coats on. Had a fight about the actual need for coats. Went outside to drive the boys to school and me to work. Read "key has left the vehicle" on the dashboard. Swore because I was already late. Went inside to look for keys and searched, and searched, and searched. Tried some of those stupid breathing exercises. Swore again. Found my keys in the sink because, duh why not?

We laughed that the keys were in the sink. I was only five minutes late for work. It was 8:05 a.m. I was exhausted. It was funny and ridiculous. But also it was a little bit demoralizing because I can't keep it together. 

I know I should make lunches the night before, I should have the kids make their own lunches (at least the older ones!), I should get myself some Ritalin finally, I should ask Tim to help a little in the mornings, I should chill out, I should use a key ring, I should....All the shoulds end up feeling like more pressure.

How are my teenagers supposed to respect and listen to me? I mean how is anyone supposed to take me seriously? How am I supposed to take myself seriously when I lose my car keys in the fucking kitchen sink!?!?

I am trying to do all the things. I am trying to chill out. I am trying to relax. I am trying to be healthy. I am trying to be a good person and parent. But my god, I think I am sucking at it most of the time.

Today after work I went to the dentist. It was for a normal cleaning but I also have recently begun having some pretty severe tooth sensitivity. 

"You need to relax," my dentist told me. "Have you tried yoga?"

Oh my god! Remember when my doctor told me to try meditation last year to help my peri-menopausal symptoms. I must have the trendiest non-prescription writing doctors in all the land. What the hell?! I'm finally at a point in my life where I am more accepting of taking drugs and I end up with this medical team of natural loving wonders.

It turns out that I am grinding my teeth at night so much that I'm wrecking my teeth. At least a couple of them for now. 

So fine universe. Fine! I will chill the fuck out. I will do all the yoga. I will cut back on caffeine. I will work on the shoulds. I am just shooting for less tooth pain and not losing my keys in the sink. I'm not going to worry about being taken seriously. That ship sailed forever ago.

The other day I was actually in a yoga class. Yoga Dan who was a super chill, super cool guy teaching it was showing us how to use vibrating foam rollers. He stepped on the foam roller and lost his balance a bit. The people in the class all worried and someone said "oh no." Yoga Dan told us not to worry. "It's the ego that's afraid to fall, not me," he said. "I am just going to step off like I stepped on. No worries."

Yoga Dan seems like a smart guy. I'm going to try and just step on and off without my dumb ego getting all worked up. I will keep on keeping on with the shoulds and breathing and 

Got any advice on chilling out, letting go, saying no to late-night grinding, not worrying about everything so much and yoga and meditation and all the rest?

Here are a couple people that I met that I now follow on Instagram

Erin Allen- Yoga Supreme

Yoga Dan!

Here's some yoga and meditation I can handle (it's very swear-y):

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