A Wedding

We went to a wedding this weekend--Lucy got political with the priest during the ceremony, my boys only splashed the Holy water on each other a couple times, we danced with glow sticks at the reception and we had dinner together as a family for the first time in a few weeks, it was a good wedding.  I would expect nothing less though, because it was a Kimball wedding.

Wade was a ring bearer in the wedding. He wasn't thrilled, in fact before the wedding he was nervous and unsure.  I wanted to tell him he had nothing to worry about and that weddings are fun and this was a Kimball wedding so he REALLY had nothing to worry about.  

Two weeks after I moved to Michigan a million years ago to be with my then-boyfriend/future husband/Tim, he took me to a wedding, his cousin's wedding, a Kimball wedding.  The ceremony was long and Catholic and formal, but full of love and smiles and tears.  As we were leaving the church, all the talk was about the dance floor at the reception.  

"Are you ready to see old Swivel Hips in action?," my future husband/Tim's brother asked referring to their father.  "Oh yeah, wait til you see his moves on the dance floor, they are legendary," another brother laughed.

The reception was full of a million cousins, a lot of booze and a hopping dance floor.  Old Swivel Hips (my future father-in-law) was out on the floor, along with his wife (my future mother-in-law), and a million little kids and other guests.  When the DJ played the Sister Sledge classic "We Are Family" all the aunts and uncles and cousins whooped with joy and took over the dance floor.  It was their song.

Since then, I've been to a lot more weddings with this family.  I always look forward to a Kimball wedding.  It's like a Midwestern, middle-class Kennedy wedding.  Matriarchs, patriarchs, first, second and third cousins. A million Catholics taking communion at the church and then drinking insane amounts of alcohol at the reception. Little kids stealing candy and playing pranks on each other just like I'm sure those cute little Kennedy's did/do.  It's all about tradition, ceremony, so much laughter and celebration and love and most importantly, it's all about family.

"Why should these two get married?," asked the priest during the ceremony this weekend.  I'd never heard a priest interact with the audience like a talk show host and I kind of liked it.  He encouraged people to answer aloud, I kind of liked that too.  Someone said "because they're in love."  Another someone said "to honor God."  And then I saw Lucy raise her hand, my 10-year-old daughter, um, what in the world was she going to say?  I wasn't sure if I liked this whole scene anymore.

"Because it's a free country and they can do it if they want to," Lucy stated boldly.  People laughed but I could tell some people were nervous that she was going to add "And my mother tells me that everyone should have the right to get married in this country, straight people, gay people, everyone."  As the only non-Catholic in the family and being an outspoken liberal who truly does believe that should be everyone's right, I have sort of a reputation.

But Lucy didn't say that.  The Priest asked her if she was a Republican or a Democrat and quickly moved onto the next person with an answer. 

JT helping Wade get ready for his ring bearer duties.
JT knows his stuff, he was a ring bearer a couple years ago for the bride's older sister, a Kimball second-cousin.

I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed that Lucy hadn't gotten even more political and radical.  Then I started to think about why I thought they should get married and why I think they should have a wedding, a ceremony.  

I looked around the room filled with family and friends and thought about the fun that was going to go down at the reception.   After being around this family for almost two decades, I know that life isn't always a party, it's not always a dance floor.  It can be messy and hard and complicated.  People disagree about politics, life choices and all sorts of little and big things.  Feelings are hurt and toes are stepped on.  But no matter what, these people come to celebrate at weddings and grieve at funerals.  They support each other, honor each other, celebrate each other.  They agree to maybe never see eye-to-eye or understand completely, but they also agree to love each other forever.  And dance and have fun and laugh.

Wade and the cutest flower girl ever, yet another Kimball second cousin.

That's why they should get married and have a wedding ceremony.  To keep the tradition of love and dancing alive.  To give us all a reason to dress up and celebrate and be happy and supportive and hopeful and be together.

An amazing, meaningful favor in honor of the groom's battle with Leukemia.

Here are my boys acting like either little gangsters or little Kennedy's walking around the reception playing jokes and filling their pockets with candy.

12 Years

While I was gone, my wedding anniversary arrived.  Twelve years.  Our marriage is 12 years old.

"My sister got divorced after 12 years," my cousin's wife told me when I said it was my anniversary.  


"Mmm," I nodded.  "Hope that doesn't happen to me," is what I said.  Because really what else can you say after that?


Being apart on our anniversary didn't really bother me.  We aren't big on ceremony and big deals.  Last year we celebrated with Arrested Development dvds and liquor, which is kind of perfect in my world.


It was quite poignant sitting in my aunt and uncle's living room with my cousins for my anniversary this year.  The same aunt and uncle and cousins who had traveled up to Michigan for my wedding all those years before.  


My uncle told the best story about an elderly couple he knew from his church--a couple in their 80s who had stayed married for what must have been like a million years.  He said on the Friday after their first week together, the man bought his girlfriend a bottle of wine with a note that said "we made it a week."  Every Friday, EVERY Friday, for the rest of his life, he bought her a bottle of wine with a hand written note that said "we made it another week."

This was the phase where Tim grew a beard.  I loved it.  My favorite quote about the beard was from a friend of ours who said, "Tim, you look so presidential, in an 18th century sort of way." 

I said I wasn't big on ceremony, but my god I love that.  I love that they carried on a tradition that reminded them of when they were courting (because they were so old you know they didn't call it dating, courting feels more appropriate).  

The older I get and the longer I'm married, I realize how f&@*ing hard it is.  It's not really being with my husband, it's managing four kids, money, disappointments, stress, crazy parents, damaged pasts, somewhat overwhelming futures, babies, tweens and all the rest.  If it was just about my husband and me, I think we'd do alright.  Honestly, I think we're doing alright right now.  It just wouldn't hurt to have a tradition/ceremony/thing-we-do that reminded us of who we were when we first fell in love.


What about you? Do you have any traditions/date nights/etc.?


Here's the song we danced to at our wedding, our first dance as husband and wife.  Ray Charles, Come Rain or Come Shine.



In other news, our weekend update:

We visited yet another emergency room, because that's just how we seem to roll lately.  Poor JT ended up with an infection under his cast, um gross. Luckily we were only in the "minor emergency" wing.  He had to have his cast removed, a splint put on and antibiotics.  We see the dr. this week to find out if he can remain castless. Fingers crossed!

No matter what your feelings are on health care, I am very grateful for our insurance this summer with the broken arm, high fevers, wacky ear infections, etc.

The Olympics happened.  We all tried to make it until the torch was lit, but sadly five out of six of us fell asleep. No worries mate, we caught the awesome torch lighting and Paul McCartney on our trusty DVR.  And now the kids are so into the games.  JT keeps rooting for "our world."  I love the Olympics.

I became a grown up.  That's right, I finally feel like I'm officially a grown up or at least a mother of a large family--I  became a Costco member. 

 

You Gotta Have Faith

Faith, Courage and Enthusiasm
This is a line from a bad Ben Affleck movie, "The Company Men."  My husband and I decided to watch it because it was about a family suffering through the recession (uh, we can relate in a lot of ways).  The line was a mantra for people that were looking for a job after being laid off or let go.  Good line, bad movie.  One of those movies where the preview is way better than the actual two hour investment.


Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust
This line is from "Return to Neverland," a movie I watched with my daughter Lucy this afternoon.  You know I am not a big fan of Peter Pan the character, but this was a good little show.  It was about Wendy's daughter, Jane, going back to Neverland, but lacking belief in Peter and Tinkerbell.  I of course dove into the deeper meaning of Jane's character from a feminist standpoint....she was much more Peter's equal rather than some weird mother/Oedipal character that I thought Wendy represented.  Too much?  Anyway, it was good.


But the whole idea of faith....


I asked Lucy what she believed in.
"I believe in fairies but not Peter Pan.
I believe in rainbows because I saw one before.
Everyone in church is always talking about God and Jesus, so I guess I believe in them.
And I definitely believe in mermaids," she said with certainty.

We went to a wedding on Friday night.  My husband's cousin's wedding.  A young couple with, well, a lot of faith, courage and enthusiasm.  

My son JT was the ringbearer, and a damn cute one I must say.

My husband's family does weddings really well.  "Nothing like a Kimball wedding," you will hear people say over and over.  They are old-school, full of lots of tradition, dancing, drinking and laughing.  And love.  And there are lots and lots of weddings because there are lots and lots of them.


When I was dating my future husband, Tim, and accompanied him to a family wedding I knew I would love this family.  It all came down to the dancing. During a Kimball wedding reception women of all ages always get out and do the shuffle.  Tim's dad's nickname is Swivel Hips Youngblood.  Everyone is cheered on to do ridiculous, fabulous moves.  The bigger the better.  And I love them for it.


This past wedding was a little different because Tim and I were there with all four of our lovely children.  But I guess it runs in the family because our kids were dancing their little hearts out.  Sure they were dancing to the dinner music the dj was playing while everyone ate, but they sure were living it up.


As I watched the bride and groom enjoy their day, I felt old and at times a grumpy cynicism creeped into my head.  Like "oh you're happy now, just wait" or "enjoy it while it lasts guys."  What the hell has happened to me?  Life has happened.  Four kids has happened.  It would be so easy to be exhausted, jealous and cynical because life is challenging and marriage is really hard.  But it is also really f-ing great. *Tim asked me to not write the full word, so I used "f-ing" instead.  Then he just said, "yeah, give me credit for being the good person." What the f-?


Even though I fell in love with Tim's family for the dancing, he simply doesn't, ever.  The dancing gene never really caught on with him.  But Friday night, I looked out onto the dance floor and who was twirling my daughter around?  Tim.  Who was doing a conga line with all the kids under 10?  Tim.  

He looked up and our eyes met. It was like it was our wedding dance floor, except better.  I love him more than I did 11 years ago.  I know him better, we've been through more and we are better for it.  I believe in the life we are building together.


At that moment with our eyes locked, we were a thirtysomething couple full of faith, trust and pixie dust.  Or maybe it was the champagne, but I am a believer.  Just like the George Michael song, you gotta have faith.

Here you go, because I know (or I hope) you were singing this out loud or in your head.


And hey,
Check out the updates to my Gluten Can Suck It Page.


Also, check out a blog I wrote for the Rochester Patch about not fearing political yard signs. Click here to read it.