The Past 81 Days

It's been 81 days since Peyton broke his femur during a football game. It's gone fast but taken forever. It's been full of worry, frustration, anxiety, remembering and reminding, patience, a sense of humor and gratitude. 

Yesterday, we went back to the surgeon for a check up. We sat in the crowded waiting room for over an hour. It took the doctor 10 minutes to look over the X-ray, ask a few questions and tell us good luck and that he'd see us back in nine months.

This is it, a healing femur with pins and a plate. Crazy.

Peyton was so happy. I was so happy. It was over. We went to lunch to celebrate. Looking back over the past 81 days there are parts that I will actually miss...the opportunities to sit in waiting rooms with my boy and laugh at each other as we fumble through learning to use SnapChat, or going to lunch together in the middle of a school day,  or watching a movie together while the rest of the family goes sledding. I've spent so much one-on-one time with my 14-year-old and enjoyed every minute of it. We've talked about what high school might be like next year, the NFL, the presidential election, my liberal world views and his dad's more conservative views and what his own views are, books, friends, social media, the importance of lyrics, the poetry of rap music and SO MUCH MORE. I will forever treasure this time with my first born.  

"I hope we don't only go out to lunch when you are recovering from an injury," I told him as I drove him back to school after our celebratory lunch.  "I have loved hanging out with you, you know. I hope we do this every once in a while for forever.  I hope you come home from college and say 'hey, want to go to lunch Ma?'," I told him and we laughed because he doesn't call me "Ma."

I love this kid. He is smart and strong and so kind.

Hopefully I've learned to be a more present parent, a better parent. A parent that takes the time to talk, to connect, to go out to lunch, to listen, to sit with and enjoy my kids more.  When there's an opportunity to talk and/or connect with my older kids and no one is rolling their eyes, I hope I take it.

There are other lessons from the past 81 days. Hopefully I've learned to be full of more empathy and gratitude and to pay it all forward. My heart kind of exploded with compassion for families that have children with chronic illnesses or life situations that require hospitals, therapies, appointment after appointment, and insurance companies and wheelchairs and check ups and so much more.  When Peyton got injured and had surgery, I knew he would recover. I can't imagine not knowing. 

All of this has made me want to do something, anything, to help people that need it. I want to hold more doors open, go to the rallies to support candidates, get informed, volunteer at the hospital, pay better attention to friends and strangers that might need more kindness or help. I want to say thank you more. I want to pay more attention to....well, everything.

Peyton is determined to get his strength back and compete on the track team for his school. Even though I know I will always worry that it's too much (I mean probably forever right?), I will be cheering from the stands(I mean probably crying too, right?). And then maybe he and I will go out to lunch together.

Baby of Four-Storytime

I knew it was going to happen, I mean I'm not a parenting rookie.  I also know this isn't the last time that Wade says something slightly inappropriate in class.  Wade is the baby of four kids...he is the kid that I had to remind that not every other preschooler would enjoy his Gollum impression (the creepy dude from the Lord of the Rings movies, yeah Wade does a "My precious!!!" impression that is freakishly good), he is the kid that understands football better than a lot of adults, he is the kid that just asked if he could "get twitter."   

Don't get me wrong, we don't let him watch R-rated movies, he doesn't have his own phone or kindle or iPad or anything else electronic, he isn't allowed to say bad words or even slightly bad words like "butt" or "this sucks."  BUT he knows way more about life and seen way more Disney XD than my 14-year-old did in kindergarten.  And that is why I wasn't too surprised by what he recently shared during story time.

My baby boy proudly brought home the picture he drew, and the story he wrote about and shared with his entire kindergarten class. The picture and the story of his dogs humping, or "huping" as he wrote. Yup, that's right. 

This is THE picture.

I can only imagine the conversations around the dinner tables of his classmates that night. "mommy what is humping?" or "a boy told a story today about humping." Ahhhhhh!  And I can only say "I'm so sorry."

Our kitchen table conversation that night was mostly muffled giggles and me sternly looking at the older kids silently screaming at them to knock it off, but then we ultimately all had a good laugh. Because it won't be the last time something like this happens, and having four kids has taught me you have to laugh at so much of life.

And just in case you forgot, here's a clip of Gollum from The Lord of the Rings.

(Click here to watch the video.)

Nope and What I Know For Sure

It's been an interesting year so far, all three weeks of it.  I've been sick for a good chunk of it and that has sucked. But just like bad moods and cloudy days make you appreciate good moods and sunshine, being sick has made me so damn grateful for the good old normal exhausted I usually feel. It's all about perspective! 

I was so sick that even Lucy in all her pre-teen moody glory right now came to comfort me and even took a sick selfie with me. 

In the past three weeks, I got back into a groove working at the preschool, started my new writing gig, went to an amazing storytelling show in Detroit, got to say yes to some great things but had to say no to some great things, tried not to spread germs, called in sick, slept a lot, cried, watched movies, went to the doctor (just a virus, whaaat?!), drank tea, had some pretty heavy conversations with the older kids, tried to help one of the younger ones out with math homework (um, worse than being sick), missed deadlines, made deadlines, agreed to work more hours at the preschool and finally started feeling better yesterday.

Life doesn't stop when we get sick....we just have to keep moving in a fog. 

This was at the ultra hip storytelling show I went to in Detroit. Most favorite sign maybe ever....instead of "stairs closed" or "do not enter" it's just a "nope." The BEST! That's what life said to me, "nope, not going to stop because you have a dumb cold, nope." Ha!

But now that the fog has lifted, I know for sure that I appreciate being less foggy and I want to dance in my kitchen and go play in the snow and have a real weekend.


Here's what else I know for sure this week:

• Enjoying the winter is more fun than complaining about it. The pond froze around the same time my fog lifted, so we hit the ice. Our first time skating this year and it was a blast. 

It was Wade's first time really skating, and scoring on skates. It was a blast!

• I am in love....with J.Lo. Um, because she is beautiful and so talented. I mean right? I love her on American Idol and now I love her new show. AND I want to go to Vegas to see her new live show. She is my idol. For real. ***Except I didn't love the episode of Shades of Blue last night.***

(click here to watch the video.)

• This book is AWESOME! A friend of mine gave this book to me for my kids except I want to keep it because I love it so much. Actually we are all sharing it because it's so cool.  Click here to learn more about it. It's just totally rad.

• My dogs are a lot of work, but I love them.

• Electronics are my nemesis except when everyone is cuddled up looking at pictures on someone's phone. Awwwww.

• Speaking of electronics, I joined SnapChat but I know for sure that I know nothing. I am totally clueless but curious. Any advice would be appreciated.

• This is a great video and message for daughters. 

(click here to watch the video.)


What do YOU know for sure right now?  How's your year going so far? Tell me here in the comments or over on my Facebook page.

MLK Day 2016

Last summer I took my kids to Graceland. It was a last minute, spontaneous trip. It took us two days to drive there. I really had no plans.  After we took part in the cheapest tour available we perused the gift shops and some of us (okay me, just me) danced through the parking lot singing Elvis songs.  "Now what?," asked one of my kids when we climbed back into our minivan.

"Well, I have no idea," I honestly told them. "I guess we should find a place to sleep and then see what's interesting in Memphis."

It turns out there's a lot of interesting in Memphis....there's energy and history and heartache and joy and music and rivers and bridges and people and conflict and more music.

We drove by the famous Beale Street with it's loud blues-y music and barbecue and motorcycles and happy drunk people.  We drove along the banks of the Mississippi River. We stopped in front of the Martin Luther King Jr. Civil Rights Museum.  

The museum was closed but we got out of the car to get a closer look. As we walked up the street toward the museum, a bar on wheels zipped past us with happy drunk people squealing in delight while they pedaled. We walked past a protester sitting quietly next to a sign about disenfranchisement (turns out the protester is as famous as the museum, she's been protesting for over 20 years).  The sun was setting and casting a strange light on the whole scene. It was surreal.

My kids are more familiar with Martin Luther King Jr than Elvis  They were reverent, they were respectful. The outside of the museum looks exactly as it did the day Martin Luther King Jr. was shot. Some people have described it as eerie. I would describe it as heavy and haunting.  

Even though the museum was closed, there were video monitors outside and the kids watched and listened to the stories. We talked about what life was like in the 1960s especially in the South. We talked about what life is like now. We talked about Martin Luther King Jr.'s life and legacy. We talked about how we fit into it all.

It was an interesting time to be driving with my kids in the South and having these conversations. It was the summer the tragic racially motivated shooting happened in a Charleston church, it was the summer the Supreme Court legalized marriage equality, it was the summer that conversations got louder about taking down the Confederate flag on government buildings. Driving through Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee and Alabama and back to Michigan with my kids and talking about all of it  and seeing so much will be one of the most memorable experiences of my entire life.

But just like in the parking lot of Graceland, I find  myself saying "now what?"  How do I keep those conversations going? How do I keep trying to figure out how we fit in all of this? This being a world like Memphis full of injustice, but also history and heartache and joy and music and rivers and bridges and people and conflict and more music. How do we live the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr. every day?  

The only thing I can figure out is the way to live the legacy is caring and then doing....doing whatever we can. Raise kids that are aware of history and compassionate and empowered to create change. Be kind to people. Volunteer. Donate clothes. Serve food. Raise money for the community center or the charity that helps sick kids. Run for office. Get involved. Protest. Make something better. Sit by a bedside of a sick friend. Shovel the driveway of a neighbor. Vote. Teach. Preach. Get a platform. Practice compassion. Listen. Learn. Paint. Write the check. Lift up. Don't judge. Be patient. Put love and light into the world.

And jump at opportunities to serve whenever we can. I live in a town north of Detroit and south of Flint. Two cities that need so much more love and light. I can't solve all the problems but I can do something. I can let people know how they can help. I can talk to my kids about it. I can donate water to Flint (to learn more about the Flint water crisis click here). I can volunteer at Cass Community Social Services in Detroit.  And so can you.

Here's how to help Flint:

A fund has been established to address the short- and long-term needs of Flint children exposed to lead through contaminated drinking water. Donations can be made at www.flintkids.com. 

Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, 39020 Five Mile in Livonia, is asking for gallon jugs of water to be dropped off at the church by Jan. 30. Volunteers will take the donations to be distributed in Flint. Call 734-464-0211. 

Flint Community Schools is accepting cash donations and bottled water. Call the district's finance office at 810-767-6030 about cash donations. Bottled water drop-offs can be coordinated by calling 810-760-1310. 

Donations are being accepted by the United Way of Genesee Count.: Visit unitedwaygenesee.org and click on the "GIVE" button. There's an option to support the Flint Water Project. Call 810-232-8121 for details. A new phase for outreach is investment in services to help residents who have been exposed to contaminated water.

Catholic Charities of Genesee County accepts cash or bottled water donations to aid soup kitchens and warming centers, call 810-785-6911. 

To help Flint community activists who are delivering water: Call Melissa Mays at 810-423-3435.

Compiled by the Lansing State Journal

That's what MLK Day is all about. 

Watch this video about how it's meant to be a day of service - click here. The people in the video say the greatest way to honor MLK on this day is for "people of all racial and ethnic backgrounds to celebrate the holiday by performing individual acts of kindness through service to others." 

Back to Routines (And Some Pics W/My Fancy Camera)

It's been a hectic week and a half getting back to work and school and routines. I kind of can't even believe Christmas and New Year's Eve/Day was just a couple weeks ago. The pace of life is fast and my head is spinning a little. This whole working mom thing is no joke! It's been good, it's been upsetting, it's been fine, it's been fun, it's been up, it's been down, it's been ahhhhhh!

Getting back into routines has been a little bit like El Nino...all weird and confusing. But we are trying to make the best of it, as we do. 

Here are a few pictures from the last couple weeks of the past couple weeks (some pics pre- dive back into regular life): 

We spent a few days in Pittsburgh. It's the home base for part of my family and my dad and brothers and sister meet up after Christmas every year at my dad's house. I love Pittsburgh.

El Nino was at it big time in the Burgh...it was 70 degrees on December 28! Whaaat?

Fun fact about Pittsburgh...Tim and I fell in love in this city. I lived there, he lived in Detroit area and we had a long distance romance for 6 months.

My dad has a Karaoke machine and OH MY GOD I LOVED IT!!!!!! And somewhat surprisingly so did Peyton. 

Oh El Nino....I sense a dark and stormy change on the horizon...

After we got home we did the New Year's Eve thing, but I fell asleep before midnight. Waaaa. Then we kicked off the Youngblood winter sports season with Wade's basketball game. 

Last weekend it was sunny and warm and weird. I know everyone loves the warmth, but we live in Michigan and it's January and it's not right!  I like things in order,  no breakfast for dinner for me. I like winter in January summer in July. But it was nice to get the kids outside.

The day after the basketball in the driveway we got snow!!!! And everything was as it should be. Thank you weird El Nino weather pattern.

The trampoline is fun in the winter too!!! 

Rufus and Cosi were so excited about the snow.

 Check out some other pictures I've taken with my Fancy New Camera:

Christmas 2015

The Zoo

Belle Isle With My Fancy New Camera

Baseball and My Fancy Camera 
Pure Michigan With My Fancy New Camera 
Everyday Kind of Small Town Family Fun w/My Fancy New Camera

A Hokey-Pollyanna-Silver-Linings Kind of Attitude

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....I'm not talking about Dickens, duh I'm talking about my blog. This past December I had one of the worst experiences I've had in my four and a half years of blogging, but just like that, on the same day I had an opportunity that I have worked toward for all these blogging years.  

Right before Christmas I had my first really shitty Internet writing experience. The kind of experience where your words are taken and twisted. The kind of experience that makes you angry and sad and oh so vulnerable.

I was asked to write a personal essay for a friend who works for a pretty big-ish web site. She said write about "anything that you are passionate about." I wrote my typical hokey-Pollyanna-silver-lining piece because quite frankly I am a true believer in hokey-Pollyanna-silver-linings. It wasn't the best thing (or even the 39th best thing) I've ever written but it was a sort of sweet essay about how after Peyton broke his leg in a football game I felt sisterhood and solidarity with the mother I shared a room with in the hospital.  Then just like in a movie starring someone like Jennifer Garner (I'm thinking about the movie 13 Going on 30), someone working for the web site read my hokey piece and possibly said something like "how can we make this sexy?" Their idea was to put my words in a "hot topic" type debate that online folks would describe as clickbait.  It was a debate about letting kids play tackle football.  

When I saw the web site I was heartbroken, truly heartbroken. I never, ever wanted to be involved in THAT debate. NEVER. You want clickbait and a debate? Give me a writing assignment about why we should support refugees or why I think Donald Trump is a horrible person or why I don't unfriend people who don't agree with me on Facebook or why I'm a feminist or why I don't hate the Kardashians. I can write about stuff that will make people click and make people fired up. But debating tackle football isn't in my head space or my heart right now because I am fucking terrified and I have a football loving family full of men and boys who all want to play and because it's complicated and because I don't feel certain and I can't debate it because it's too personal and too much and it's about my sons and I  just WOULD NEVER DO THAT.(The essay I wrote never mentioned any of my unease or anxiety about football. It simply stated that my son was injured in a football game.)

Honestly, even though I can write about debatable stuff I choose not to do that right now. I choose to write about hokey-Pollyanna-silver-lining shit because I want people to feel happier and see that even when life sucks or we are scared or running low on hope, there is light and love and maybe a laugh.  That's what I write, that's how I live.

I am full of worry and anxiety and imperfection but at the end of the day, my positivity and joy and love of life wins. I feel it all but I strive for more joy always.

When I read my words under the headline about whether or not your child should play tackle football I started to cry and my heart was pounding. I was terrified of reading the comments of passionate people on either side. I messaged my friend but didn't hear back right away. I found out who the CEO of the web site was and sent her an email and a Facebook message and a direct message on Twitter. I begged her to take down my essay. They did within five minutes of my message. 

Later that same afternoon, I went to a job interview.  My eyes were still puffy from crying but I was relieved the essay had been taken offline and I was focusing on making a good impression at the interview. It was for a freelance writing job. A job that I had been recommended for by someone I met through the Listen To Your Mother show I produce which I got involved with because of my happy, hokey blog.  

"I thought of you because of your positive, conversational writing and the happiness you exude," my friend told me.  (Um, THANK YOU!)

I got the job. The pay is good. The people seemed to dig me.  Not to get all Frank Sinatra on you but I got the job doing it my way. I didn't have to sell a story that was way beyond my comfort zone. I didn't have to change the way I wrote to get clicks.  I showed up, gave them samples of writing from my blog and basically said "um, well folks, I write hokey-Pollyanna-silver-lining shit because I honestly think we need more of that in the world." And they basically said "cool, let's do this."

This is artwork that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE from Dallas Clayton. I've been a fan of his for a long time. Go to his web site. Check him out. Buy his stuff. When I get my first writing paycheck I'm going to buy this print or this on a sweatshirt.

It was a roller coaster day for sure full of the worst and the best. That night I let go of the negative crap and celebrated what I like to call the victory of being unapologetically hokey and writing and living a Pollyanna-silver-lining kind of life. I toasted to Dickens and Sinatra and Jennifer Garner and Hayley Mills (um the legendary actress that played Pollyanna in the Disney classic!) and writing from the heart and getting paid and putting yourself out there and learning hard lessons and forgiving and being real and to hope and light and love and laughter.

Here's a great song about silver linings from the incomparable Bonnie Raitt:

(Click here to listen.)

Oh hell yeah, here's another good song about silver linings. I LOVE First Aid Kit and this song.

(Click here to listen.)

2016 Hopes

Last year instead of resolutions I declared my hopes for 2015.  I felt like it was less upsetting if I didn't accomplish my hopes because I could just simply keep hoping. Right?  Looking back, some of my hopes came true and some didn't (and that's totally okay because maybe I'll still hope for them or maybe my hopes changed).

I hoped for things like making healthier meals for my family and to be honest if I were grading my hopes, I'd give myself a C on that one. I made a few new healthy meals but nothing really monumental or life-changing. I'll keep hoping for that one.

In 2015, I hoped for a tattoo and I got one. Woot. Woot.  I also hoped to go to a big city and go on a road trip. Checked those hopes off my hope list.

Some of my hopes for 2016 are:

• I hope I embrace meditating. I've tried before, but just can't get down with it. I'm hoping I can get into it. It's either that or some sort of adult ADHD med, ugh.

• I hope that I consistently go to bed earlier. How boring. Waaaaa. But dude, sleep matters. The end.

• I hope I actually mail more of the thank you cards that I write (maybe the meditating or the ADHD med will help with this hope).

• I hope I go on another road trip because I live for road trips with my kids.

• I hope I see Hamilton. The Broadway show is coming to Chicago in the fall and dammit I want to go so badly!

• I hope I go to more movies. I LOVE movies in the movie theaters.

• I hope I fall in love with a book or two or three this year.

• I hope I go skiing more this winter. I went for the first time in over 12 years with JT on New Year's Day and I fell in love with it all over again. 

• I hope I dance more because, duh.

• I hope I become better at texting people back. I'm the worst. I read the text messages and then answer them in my head and never type anything. Ahhhhhh! I really hope I get better at that.

On the first Monday back to school and work this year, I had my first experience as a preschool teacher assistant helping kids put on their snow gear to go outside. And woah, it was intense. It was actually pretty hilarious and ridiculous and there were mittens and gloves and boots everywhere and kids that had to go to the bathroom after they got dressed, and by the time we got everyone ready there was no time for recess and it made me laugh so hard.  We took the kids for a walk in the fresh snow and made tracks and caught snowflakes on our tongues and talked about how we were going to be faster next time and go to the bathroom before the snowpants and coats and boots and gloves.  And then we laughed some more.

It was the perfect way to kick off the new year. It was a moment full of chaos and cuteness and laughter and hopes that we'd get better at things. Sort of everything I want out of and hope for 2016.

This isn't a new song but it's the song I choose as my new year kick off song, because it's hopeful and I love it and anything can happen!!! Play this and dance and think about all your hopes for 2016!

(click here to watch the video)

Love John Oliver's take on resolutions, "it's about managing dissapointment." Lol. 

(click here to watch the video)