2016 Hopes

Last year instead of resolutions I declared my hopes for 2015.  I felt like it was less upsetting if I didn't accomplish my hopes because I could just simply keep hoping. Right?  Looking back, some of my hopes came true and some didn't (and that's totally okay because maybe I'll still hope for them or maybe my hopes changed).

I hoped for things like making healthier meals for my family and to be honest if I were grading my hopes, I'd give myself a C on that one. I made a few new healthy meals but nothing really monumental or life-changing. I'll keep hoping for that one.

In 2015, I hoped for a tattoo and I got one. Woot. Woot.  I also hoped to go to a big city and go on a road trip. Checked those hopes off my hope list.

Some of my hopes for 2016 are:

• I hope I embrace meditating. I've tried before, but just can't get down with it. I'm hoping I can get into it. It's either that or some sort of adult ADHD med, ugh.

• I hope that I consistently go to bed earlier. How boring. Waaaaa. But dude, sleep matters. The end.

• I hope I actually mail more of the thank you cards that I write (maybe the meditating or the ADHD med will help with this hope).

• I hope I go on another road trip because I live for road trips with my kids.

• I hope I see Hamilton. The Broadway show is coming to Chicago in the fall and dammit I want to go so badly!

• I hope I go to more movies. I LOVE movies in the movie theaters.

• I hope I fall in love with a book or two or three this year.

• I hope I go skiing more this winter. I went for the first time in over 12 years with JT on New Year's Day and I fell in love with it all over again. 

• I hope I dance more because, duh.

• I hope I become better at texting people back. I'm the worst. I read the text messages and then answer them in my head and never type anything. Ahhhhhh! I really hope I get better at that.

On the first Monday back to school and work this year, I had my first experience as a preschool teacher assistant helping kids put on their snow gear to go outside. And woah, it was intense. It was actually pretty hilarious and ridiculous and there were mittens and gloves and boots everywhere and kids that had to go to the bathroom after they got dressed, and by the time we got everyone ready there was no time for recess and it made me laugh so hard.  We took the kids for a walk in the fresh snow and made tracks and caught snowflakes on our tongues and talked about how we were going to be faster next time and go to the bathroom before the snowpants and coats and boots and gloves.  And then we laughed some more.

It was the perfect way to kick off the new year. It was a moment full of chaos and cuteness and laughter and hopes that we'd get better at things. Sort of everything I want out of and hope for 2016.

This isn't a new song but it's the song I choose as my new year kick off song, because it's hopeful and I love it and anything can happen!!! Play this and dance and think about all your hopes for 2016!

(click here to watch the video)

Love John Oliver's take on resolutions, "it's about managing dissapointment." Lol. 

(click here to watch the video)

Hopes for 2015

I'm not making resolutions really because I know that's not what we are supposed to do.  Right?  Making resolutions in January is just a recipe for disappointment, a set up for failure.  I don't want that.  I've done that too many times.  I mean "learn to speak French" has been on my resolution list for the past 15 years and I still can't speak it, talk about failure.  Womp. Womp.

And frankly, I'm over feeling like a failure.  The past few months left me in a bit of a funk.  This fall I tried to find a job and nothing came together (one place hired me and I couldn't get a babysitter, another place rejected me and I cried).  Parts of the holidays made me feel anxious because of leftover issues from my childhood that I just can't shake and a little bit of bad wiring and that just makes me feel like I failed therapy.  Then I got the flu and that just sucked.  

"You seem sort of um, I don't know...," Tim gently tried to describe my state-of-self the other day.

"Flat," I said.  

"Yes, exactly that," he sighed with relief.

Flat, deflated, unexpressive...these are words that are not me.  Quiet? Okay maybe sometimes.  Reflective? Sure.  But flat? Nope.  

So, enough!  Enough feeling blah. Fuck feeling flat and like a failure. It is January, 2015, I'm half-way through being 40 and sooo over feeling like I should be better and do better and speak French.  Instead of resolutions, I am making a list of things I hope happen or I hope I will do this year.  "Hope" seems more wishful less accountable-y and failure-y.  

1. I hope I run as much as I can because running saves me.  I live to run, run to live or something like that.  It is the only cure to my anxiety and depression.  Even a slow mile on a treadmill makes me think more clearly. So, I vow/hope (not resolve) to run more, everyday if I can.  Even if I run in place in my kitchen, I will do it.

2. I hope I get to be on a stage somewhere doing something interesting.  I discovered my love of stages in 2014 and I really don't want to go back to not being on one ever.

3. I hope I learn to make healthier meals for my family because I want them to be healthy and happy and strong.

4. I hope I go to more outdoor concerts.

5. I hope I get to visit a big city this year. Maybe BlogHer in New York city in July?

6. I hope I go on road trips because my god I love road trips. 

7. I hope it snows and the pond freezes and my whole family can go ice skating together this winter.

8. I hope my beloved dog, Cosi, likes my new puppy.

Our new puppy, Rufus, comes home later in January. 

9. I hope we can figure out how to grow grass in our backyard when all the kids play football and baseball and soccer and tag all the time (and I don't want them to stop!).

10. I hope I run in a race because I love races.  Where else can you run through a street and have people cheer you on and clap for you? Right? It's awesome.

11. I hope I climb the dunes on the shores of Lake Michigan again this summer.

12. I hope I'm not as scattered this year.

Being in the right year might help me to be less scattered.  On January 1, 2015 I noticed the chalkboard in my kitchen hadn't been updated in a couple years. Ha!

13. I hope I laugh a lot this year.

14. I hope I dance a lot this year.

15. I hope I finally get that tattoo I wanted all of 2014.

I bought this fake tattoo for myself for Christmas.  Fun! 

16. I hope I see old friends.

17. I hope I get a job.

18. I hope I beat Tim at ping pong.

Santa brought a ping pong table to our house and I think that Tim and I are having the most fun with it. I have never played ping pong before and I LOVE it.  I have successfully beaten all of my kids and am determined to take down Tim. 

19. I hope I write some really killer pieces that make me feel proud and alive creatively.

20. And yeah, okay, I hope I learn a little French.

"You have to choose your combinations carefully. The right choices will enhance your quilt. The wrong choices will dull the colors and hide their original beauty.  There are no rules you can follow. You have to go by instinct and you have to be brave." Whitney Otto, How to Make An American Quilt.
I love this quote and this quilt.  I found the quilt at my dad's when I was visiting.  My mother's mother made it. I brought it home with me.

I'm wrapping myself up in colors and stories and inspirational quotes and hope to be brave and make some good choices in 2015.

This is a colorful anthem for the beginning of the new year. Seriously, this song will unflatten you if you feel a little flat ight now.  

 

What are YOUR hopes for 2015?

It's A Revolution & What I Know For Sure

This has been a long week of first days, finding routines, letting go and trying to figure things out. There was so much anticipation on the night before the first day of school and then the night before the second day of school.  So  much excitement, so much hope.  

I was determined, as I am every back-to-school season, to be different, be better.  I vowed to not lose the Get To Know My Child paperwork, to buy all the right school supplies, to finally find a morning routine that is smooth and doesn't involve anyone yelling.

And just like every year, by the second day of school I was um, what my older kids would call a "total fail."  I lost paperwork, forgot to buy the damn protractor, only bought one composition notebook instead of three and I yelled a little when I found the kids literally climbing the walls of the porch before school.  Total fail.

I was yelling at the kids while taking a picture.
Because yeah, I'm pretty good at multitasking.

A few years ago, I called these vows of "I will be and do better" Back-To-School Resolutions.  You know, like the resolutions people make in January to be and do better.  Just like in January, my back-to-school resolutions were seemingly made to be broken.  I am very good (and consistent) at breaking resolutions.

Back when I first talked about making these autumnal declarations of change, Lucy, a sweet non-eyerolling second grader, misheard me and asked "What are back-to-school revolutions?"  I thought that was so cute.  But looking around at our week I also think she was right, this time of year is more revolution than resolution.

There is so much change, so much breaking away, heading out into the unknown; so many new experiences, new ideas, so much learning and doing.  It is filled with hope and anxiety and energy.  It is messy and imperfect and uncertain.  It is full of setbacks and triumphs. It is overthrowing a schedule, putting in a new regime.   
It's a back-to-school revolution.

Wade heading into his new adventure...PreK.  He seems older this week.  Even his shadow looks more grown up.

I don't think I will ever find a morning routine that doesn't involve a little bit of yelling or rushing, but I can handle messy and imperfect and hopeful.  And yeah, we are exhausted, but we got this back-to-school revolution, I know that for sure right now.

Part of the revolution is acceptance.  I accept that some people might think Wade showed up to PreK orientation with messy hair, mismatched socks and a spider tattoo because he is our fourth child.  Even when I know that is not the case.   The truth is messy hair, mismatched socks and spider tattoos are pretty much who we are. I accept that and pretty much love it.

Here's what else I know for sure this week:

• My obsession with Friday Night Lights via Netflix is in full effect.  This is the only back-to-school advice I could come up with for the chalkboard.  We are in the middle of season three and I'm LOVING it so much.

• This is a funny football commercial.  It's not just back-to-school season, it's football season. Whether you are a fan or not, this commercial is funny.  It makes me laugh out loud.

• I'm still trying to meditate.  My last attempt involved me spilling coffee all over me.  People meditate with coffee (filled with really bad for you artificial creamer) right?  I posted this picture on Instagram and was going to use the hashtag "peaceandlove" and my autocorrect made it "peaceandlice."  Yeah, I'm still learning this whole mind, body, peace, zen thang.

The winner of the Mala bead bracelet from Little Bird Soul is Jeanna Parks. Congrats Jeanna.

• I'm cool with Pumpkin Spice Lattes.  People are upset that we are rushing fall and I say who cares.  I won't order a special fall drink until the leaves start to change, but if people want to and it makes them happy I say do it.  Just like the people that have already started counting down days until Christmas, it's not my thing, but if it brings you joy....go for it.

• Imaginary friends have gotten very tech savvy.  Wade uses his fake phone to "text Frank" all the time.  Yup, this is what having an imaginary friend looks like in 2014.  And yup, he is wearing his snowman Christmas pjs and it's the first week of September.

What do YOU know for sure this week, right now? Are you embracing the revolution? Share it here or over on my Facebook page.

Come follow me on Instagram.

Six Months From Yesterday

Today I am sharing a cautionary tale.  A warning as we enter into the season of year-end reviews and moving on into the season of resolutions.  Today I would like to take a break from my constant Christmas blogging to talk about another very important holiday, my birthday.

No it's not the big day.  But six months from yesterday, it will be.

Six months from yesterday, I will be 40.
And that kind of freaks me out.  

Last June when I turned 39, I thought it would be fun to make a list of things I wanted to do in the last year of my third decade.  And all I have to say is....what the f*ck was I thinking? I must have had a lot of caffeine or had some kind of manic high the day I made the list.  I mean, because, well...just take a look:

In the past six months I haven't done any of these things.  I started number 34, but I only read about four chapters of the first Harry Potter book.  I'm almost completely on track to be an ultimate failure at my third decade bucket list.   To be fair, Loretta Lynn and Lenny Kravitz haven't had a concert anywhere near my city. 

Oh wait, I did accomplish something.  I totally did number 11.  I watched two seasons of Scandal.  Phew.  So sure, the show has made me lose faith in our government and really all human decency, but at least I accomplished something on my list.

That's the thing about bucket lists or resolutions right?  You have to be a little realistic or risk feeling like a total loser.  

Six months from yesterday, I will be 40.

And I'm kind of okay with that.

When I first re-looked at this list, my reaction was "you haven't done anything, you suck, go back to bed! Oh my god you can't even do that. waaaaa."  But who said I can't change my list to-39 Things To Do Before 50?  That's like so long from now, I will surely be a yoga practicing, French speaking, tatted up, viral video making chick by then.  I mean come on, for sure, right?

In all seriousness, isn't that the beauty of being 40?  Finally feeling like "wait a second, I'm a grown ass woman I can do what I want."  Forty to me is feeling like it might be a bit freeing, a little empowering.  And I am ready for a little freedom and empowerment.  Jesus, I might break out into a version of Sisters Are Doin It For Themselves any minute as I type this. 

Whether it's changing headers on my to-do/bucket lists or coming to terms with relationships that just can't be fixed or meaning it when I say I don't care that I can't afford Botox for my forehead lines or that when I get really tired I look like Gilbert Godfrey, I am feeling pretty good about 40.   

Not to go back to another 80s pop song reference, but you might say I have a new attitude like Patti LaBelle sang about a million years ago.  And yeah, I'm feeling good from my head to my shoes, know where I'm going and I know what to do, I've tidied up my point of view. Mmm-hmmm. 

On a sidenote, I used to have this record and I knew every single damn word of this song.  I would wear my mother's fuchsia heels and sing the hell out of it in my living room.

These songs are really dating me. But who cares, I'm owning it.  Six months from yesterday, I will be 40.  The moral of this story is: be kind to yourself, be realistic with your lists, be willing to change your attitude, and 40 isn't old.

Do you make bucket lists?  Are you loving 40? Do you love Patti LaBelle's song New Attitude as much as I still do?

The Back-To-School List

It's the beginning of a new school year.   

This is the time of year that we get to start over.  So listen up kids... Did you struggle with math last year? Well this year, you can show 'em your stuff and rock the times tables.  Sally and Johnny* giving you a hard time last spring? So what, who cares? It's a new year and the summer only made you better, smarter, taller and more wonderful-er.

*Sally and Johnny are made up people with super old-school names to represent all kids with nice names who might be going through something at home and taking it out on my kid or your kid.

That goes for moms and dads too.  Did you have an uncomfortable conversation/confrontation with Sally and Johnny's mom at the car loop?  Time to move on, it's a new year and it's all about fresh starts.  So last year you didn't make into the classroom to help out as much, or ever?  No worries, new year, new classroom and 5 million new opportunities to volunteer.  It's a new year and the summer only made you better, smarter, maybe taller and definitely more wonderful-er.

This year I have an exciting opportunity to become a totally new person because the kids switched to a different elementary school.  So yeah, I can be a whole new me, a better me, maybe even a proud PTA member.  

I know, I know, I might be overreaching with my start-over dreams.  Maybe I should slow down a little.  As I type this, I am falling into dangerous patterns. Patterns that are so last year (and every other year).  Like writing this instead of filling out my kids' new school year paperwork that's a week late.  Oh man, this isn't looking good. 

Every September I make Back-To-School Resolutions, or revolutions as Lucy used to call them a couple years ago.  Every fall I want to seize the opportunity to better myself.  I make more resolutions in January. 

Looking back...
My 2011/2012 Back-To-School Resolutions with Updates:

• Finding the perfect morning routine that gets the children to school loaded up with a healthy brain-food breakfast and no anxiety. 
• Actually spending time with the baby, Wade, while the others are at school and finally reading him a book. 
• Learning to love little league/pee-wee football.  If your kid is in it you understand, you have no choice in it taking over your life.  So you better learn to love it.
• Not getting mad at my husband and playing the who works harder and is more tired game every night.  
• Drinking less wine.  I must admit I was going to name this post "How blogging made me an alcoholic" because I am enjoying a glass or two or three with each post.
• Tweeting more.  Yup, that's right I really want to get skilled in...Twitter.  

Back To School Resolutions for 2012/2013:

• Volunteer in my kids' classes more.  I told JT's new teacher she would see me more than when she was Lucy's teacher, which was never. Mwha-ha-ha. More than never, those are good odds.

• Get more creative with my kids' school lunches.  Even at home, I lack creativity.  After this summer, my kids will never want another hot dog again for as long as they live.

• Say "hi" more and judge less.  The end.

• Get more sleep. And kick the baby out of the bed, for good.

• Drink less.  Analyze less.  Lose my temper less. Laugh more.  Run more. Relax more.

This was how I spent last Saturday night, learning to play my ukelele.  It was a resolution from last January.  Sometimes I follow through with my resolutions.  Although, I'm very bad and can't play a song yet.

Sometimes it seems like I'm always resoluting, resolving or revolting.  I'm always focused on what I should do differently.  This September I'm revolting against my resoluting.  Oh my god, are you confused with what the hell I'm talking about?  Here's the what...this year instead of things I'm changing, I'm going to make a list of things that I am okay not changing right now. 

• I will never worry about whether my kids' socks match.  I only care when they do and even then we will have a conversation about why it really matters.

• Wade can climb into bed with us a little longer.  He's 3 and if he needs to snuggle in the middle of the night and that means I don't get as much sleep, that is okay.  It will not last forever.

• Drinking is my hobby right now so I'm going to keep doing it.

• Reality TV, I watch it.  PerezHilton, I read it.  I am unashamed.

• I simply cannot return a library book on time, I am sorry but I don't see that changing soon.

• This is not the year I will be PTA president or even a member. But thank you PTA moms for everything you do, being you is amazing and a goal of mine in previous resolution posts.

• I have become the worst morning person (it could have something to do with my latest hobby).  Completely incoherent, but I still try to make the kids a decent breakfast and serve it up with a song, which they loooove.

• Emotional intelligence, it's a thing and I've got a little of it. It isn't an MBA, but I believe it is helping me be a decent mother.

This list was much more difficult to come up with than any list of things I would change about myself.  But it feels sort of good to accept and appreciate myself.  Although I still wish I was taller.  

I challenge you to come up with a list, a list of things you feel okay with right now.  Things you appreciate or find pretty cool about you right now.  It sounds simple, but I bet you sit and sit and think it's a little impossible.  Because we are all very good at finding flaws, duh, that's easy.

For now I am sorry PTA, but I have to go fill out my kids' paperwork while I have a glass of wine and watch Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Don't Push It

Run through the pain. Isn't that what they say?  No pain, no gain.  Wait is that right?  Feel the burn.  Okay, I know that one is totally from the eighties and proven incorrect today, right? Oh hell, I don't know. 
Are you there Google? It's me, Angela.

The pain in my calf was burning that was for sure.  Luckily, I had my trusty iPhone with me on the treadmill.  As I was hobbling through my run, I googled "should I run through extreme calf pain."  No one has ever accused me of not being able to multitask, um, duh, I'm a mom.  Google gave me a million articles that basically all said "stop running dummy and rest."

I begrudgingly gave in and limped back to the locker room.  I was a sad sight.

After a quick shower, I propped my pathetic, aching calf up on a table and waited out my remaining 30 minutes of available child care at my gym.   Friends stopped by to say hi and I told them about my injury.  

"It's bad," I told them.  "I might need crutches." Crutches were the only way I could justify skipping out on a workout.  I mean come on, a sore calf?  What a wimp.  But honestly, I had no basis for the crutches, except I knew I was in a lot of pain.


I've often pushed a little too hard.

In the past, I vowed to make certain people like me or else.  I would laugh at their jokes harder than others, I would tell funnier stories than others.   I made it my job to prove how awesome I could be. Think "you're gonna love me" all  Jennifer Hudson style in the Dream Girls song And I Am Telling You and you get the picture.


I pushed and pushed.
Usually, my pushing made those chosen people turn and run the other way.  In the audition process I would often forget to take care of me.  I'd forget to protect my heart (not to mention my pride).

Running has been a passion of mine since JT (my third child) was a baby.

After my first (and only, so far) marathon.

Checking out the 5-K course of the Hometown Hustle.

Girls on the Run 5K with my girl. 

The Great Race a Pittsburgh Family Tradition/Rite of Passage.

I love the solitude.  I love running with my kids.   I love the challenge. I love the control. I love the cheering at a race.  Seriously, I think everyone should run at least one 5K just for the cheering alone.  Where else can you get a crowd of people cheering for you?  

But just like all those ex-boyfriends and mean girls of my past, I pushed too hard with the running.  I was all  Salt n' Pepa "Can't you hear the music pumping hard like I wish you would..."  Laced up in bad shoes and not willing to back down, I ran and ran without much thought.  I forgot to protect my body.  Then my calf muscle was like "yo, hey lady, stop, just stop already."  That was three weeks ago and I ignored and ignored and ran and ran.  As if I had learned nothing in all my years of pushing too hard.



Until yesterday, when the calf gave out and I gave in--there was no more pushing.

At the physical therapist appointment later in the afternoon, I was telling jokes and trying to make her love me (old habits die hard, give me a break).  She reassured me that with the right stretches and therapy I would be fine.  No crutches.

"Don't push it," she told me as I was limping out the front door.

Maybe that's my resolution: Dear Me, Don't Push It.

I like it.  I won't push myself on other people obnoxiously, I won't push my body to extreme exhaustion and dehydration, I won't push myself at the expense of myself or others. I won't push busy schedules until we all burn out. I won't push my expectations for a perfect happy family adventure all the damn time.

New year, new me and I won't push it.  For now, I will wait a couple weeks to get my run on again.  I will try not to gain five pounds.  I will try and relax and heal.  And not push it. 



  

Back To School Resolutions

We attempted to do some back to school workbooks and it didn't go too well.

After a loooooong couple days with all of my lovely children, I will tell you....I am very ready for school to start.

Yesterday morning we headed up to the elementary school to meet the kids' teachers for the new school year.  The new school year that doesn't start for six days, nine hours and five minutes.  Roughly.

Last year, I went to the meet the teacher event, called "World of Welcome," full of excitement and hope. My children proceeded to turn into mini devils.  The morning ended with JT biting Lucy.  Yup, we left quite an impression.

So really, unless JT bit the new teacher, this year had to be better right?  And it was.  All three kids seem, dare I say, excited about school starting.  And nobody bit anybody.  

I'm not only ready, but I'm excited too.  I'm excited for a lot of different reasons--the kids soaking up some knowledge, hanging with their friends, getting away from me and coming home happy (okay, that last part is wishful thinking I know).

The last couple weeks of summer are always a little rough.  We've had our fun.  We're ready to move forward, but not ready to let go.  We are all a little nervous about all the unknown that a new school year can bring, for all of us.  We have butterflies.  

But mostly, we get so sick of each other these last couple weeks that we can't wait for the first day of school.  A change.  A fresh start. 

Last year, in the vein of newness and fresh started-ness, I came up with a list of resolutions.

My 2011/2012 Back To School Resolutions with Updates:

• Finding the perfect morning routine that gets the children to school loaded up with a healthy brain-food breakfast and no anxiety. 
• Actually spending time with the baby, Wade, while the others are at school and finally reading him a book. 
• Learning to love little league/pee-wee football.  If your kid is in it you understand, you have no choice in it taking over your life.  So you better learn to love it.
• Not getting mad at my husband and playing the who works harder and is more tired game every night.  
• Drinking less wine.  I must admit I was going to name this post "How blogging made me an alcoholic" because I am enjoying a glass or two or three with each post.
• Tweeting more.  Yup, that's right I really want to get skilled in...Twitter.  

Click here to read more about last year's resolutions and my back to school revolution.

The only thing I followed through with is tweeting more. Whomp. Whomp.  So, just like my New Year's resolutions, where I've resolved to learn a new language and lose 10 pounds every January for the last 15 years, there are things that will stay on my list.  I will still be searching for that perfect morning routine, still trying not to get mad at my husband while playing the who is more tired game.  And don't even get me started on the drinking thing.  Just don't.

A couple new items on the Back To School Resolutions for 2012/2013:

• Volunteer in my kids' classes more.  I told JT's new teacher she would see me more than when she was Lucy's teacher, which was never. Mwha-ha-ha. More than never, those are good odds.

• Get more creative with my kids' school lunches.  Even at home, I lack creativity.  After this summer, my kids will never want another hot dog again for as long as they live.

• Say "hi" more and judge less.  The end.

• Get more sleep. And kick the baby out of the bed, for good.

• Drink less.  Analyze less.  Lose my temper less. Laugh more.  Run more. Relax more.

We will enjoy the next 6 days, nine hours and five minutes.  And yeah, we may bug the hell out of each other, but that's part of the process of school prep right?  

I will be making this hooray, I'm happy face again on the first day of school. Believe it.

Get in on the Back To School Giveaway

The chance to win not one, but two cute bags from Thirty-one is still on for two more days. (The winner will be announced on Friday.) 

Read the details below:

Thirty-one products are pretty and pretty cool.  You can't go to your kids' baseball game or the pool these days without seeing at least a handful of moms with a thirty-one bag. You know why?  Because they are practical and fashionable. 
And it happens to be my first giveaway.


You could win not just one gift from Thirty One, but two.  I am giving away a thermal tote and a cinch sac in the adorable Flutter pattern.

All you have to do is, leave a comment here, like the Facebook page, or leave a comment on the Facebook page and you will be entered to win.  This is the perfect back to school prize.  And if you are interested in hosting a party (so you can get more free items, discounted items and hang with your friends)click here. 
 (Click here for more information on Thirty-One.)