Thursday, June 5, 2014

Turning 40 & Freedom From Panty Lines

I am less than a week away from turning 40, and that means I am thinking about a lot, taking stock and possibly overanalyzing.  I'm thinking about where I've been, where I want to go and panty lines.  Yeah, panty lines.

I'm not just thinking about them, I am embracing them.  After years of trying to conceal and feeling shame, I am now proudly not giving a fuck.  

My obsession with panty lines started when I was quite young.  I spent a lot of my time watching TV. A lot of time.  You might say TV was sort of my best friend growing up, my teacher, my mentor (analyzing that is a whole other blog post, people).  I remember sitting on the floor in front of our giant wooden television set taking it all in.  Not only did I learn about the world through soap operas like One Life To Live and sitcoms like One Day At A Time, I learned about the world through commercials.  While other kids were playing house I was reenacting commercials.  One of my favorite commercials was for Underalls.  Remember that one?  "Show us your Underalls!" the women shouted and they would turn their panty line-free rear ends to the screen and laugh.  They had no panty lines and they were so happy.  They were wearing pantyhose and panties all in one!  What? My mind was blown. 

No panytlines = happiness.  Got it.

The tag line of this commercial is "who looks good in panty lines?" Um, no one in 1986 I guess.

As I got older, I turned to other sources for my no panty line=happiness education.  I was 19 and studying abroad when I first discovered thongs.  They seemed so adult, so risqué, so sexy, so everything I wanted to be at 19.  Yeah, I thought thongs were sophisticated and so something someone on One Life To Live would have worn. Duh.

When  I arrived home with several thongs in my suitcase I felt like a real trendsetter.  "You guys, they are awesome, no panty lines," I told my friends.

No panty lines = happiness.  Thongs = sexy, grown up lady. Got it.

I spent most of my 20s and sadly my 30s avoiding panty lines and wearing thong underwear.  So what I'm telling you is I spent most of my 20s and 30s being insecure and uncomfortable.

Last May, I helped put together a storytelling show and performed a story on stage myself.  I was so busy with producing/directing/behind-the-scenes stuff that I didn't pay attention too much to my wardrobe.  As I  left my house I remember thinking "Damn, I forgot the right underwear.  I'm going to have panty lines! Oh no!" I got so busy, I forgot.  Until right before showtime, right before I was about to go on stage.  But by then it was too late.

I went on stage with my cotton Hanes Her Way panty lines in full view and guess what? Nothing happened.  The people that liked my story clapped.  No one threw tomatoes at me and yelled "Your panty line is hideous, you disgust me!"  

Since that day, I haven't given one flying fig about hiding my panty line.  In fact, I wear my panty lines proudly, like a badge of honor.  I am almost 40, my name is Angela and I dare to wear underwear that is comfortable.  I refuse to apologize for my panty lines--or my body, or my weight, or the lines in my forehead or the crows feet around my eyes.  

I am less than a week away from being 40 and it feels good to embrace my body and reclaim comfort and confidence.  That right there?  That = happiness.


  1. This post is just delightful! I can relate a lot, except I gave it all up earlier than you did. I recently saw a blog somewhere about embracing middle age? old age? with ungirdled enthusiasm. I'm like yeah . . .

  2. You are fabulous. Yay for pantylines! (Though I feel like Underalls is a term that should be used more frequently.)

  3. I love you and your pantylines. As for myself - I have been wearing thongs since I was 18 and I am still going strong at 42 and loving it. The secret is to buy comfortable ones (yes, there is such a thing). I cannot imagine wearing regular underwear - I even wore thongs while giving birth to both my children (well, during the actual process :D ) - you should have seen the look on the midwife's face when I took it off!

    1. I meant *NOT* during the actual process of giving birth, lol

  4. Congratulations on joining the club- 40 is awesome! I loved my thirties so I intend to love my forties as well. As for panty lines my little sister sister always made a stink about panty lines, but I never got it. I kept telling her. "I'd rather people knew I had underwear on then think that I didn't wear any!" I've never been cool.

  5. Happy early birthday and way to celebrate the pantyline! I gave up on thongs after my first child was born and, like stilettos, I haven't gone back.

  6. I was obsessed with no panty lines either! I would smirk at women with VPLs and proudly caress my non-VPL bum.

    Now, I wear boy shorts, and loose pants, panty lines be damned.

  7. I don't know whether I should feel proud or dismayed that at 28, I have already given the big middle finger to caring about panty lines. I go to work every day with panty lines. Once I had kids, I realized that there were only so many things that I could care about in a given day, and panty lines were not one of them.

  8. I used to stress about panty lines too. (And I'll bet it does stem from that commercial.)
    I think I stopped caring less in my thirties, because I was wearing more jeans and fewer slacks and skirts. Now I don't care. And no one has thrown tomatoes at me yet, either. Hanes Her Way FTW.

  9. I'm totally at the same place. I buy underwear that's not "supposed" to show. If it does, who the hell cares. I'm too old to wear a thong every damn day. Or, you know....ever.

  10. I wore thongs for like 2 years in my mid-twenties. No thank you. My MommyBottom likes to be comfy more than it likes a robotically smooth silhouette. And happy early birthday.

  11. One of my friends posted on FB about this issue recently, under her workout wear. I thought to myself, "Who gives a shit? Only you." Panty lines are the new black. Happy almost birthday you HAWT 40-year old!!

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