Thursday, February 19, 2015

My Old(er) Lady Truth

I read a post online yesterday that said Vanilla Ice is 47.  I think it said something about him being arrested too, but I just focused on the 47.  I mean what? That sounds old.  How can THAT guy be almost 50?  I remember riding around in my friend's super cool bright yellow CR-X listening to some young "rapper's" new song "Ice, Ice Baby," and you better believe the bass was pumping.  I mean wasn't that just yesterday? Holy shit no, it wasn't, it was 24 years ago.

Time is a crazy thing, so is getting older. Add being a woman and the Internet and it is all really fucking nuts.  In the past week,  besides the Vanilla Ice news, I've seen stories about Cindy Crawford's un-retouched photos and how we are supposed to be inspired by her aging imperfection; stories about people leaving cruel comments on un-retouched photos of Beyonce; stories about Madonna being too old for radio and too old to be provocative and how Annie Lennox was "acting her age" at the Grammy's and so much more.  So many stories, so many opinions about women and how we look and aging.

I'm a woman and I'm aging.  I am almost 41.  
Here's my old lady truth right now...

  • I can't afford Botox but I would totally get it in my forehead if I could pay for it, not to make me look younger, just to help me look more awake.  

  • My metabolism died a few years ago and I am still in mourning.  And denial.  I want to eat all of the food and not gain any of the weight, and that just isn't the case.  Plus, I'm only just a little over five feet tall so if I even gain a pound it equals 10 pounds for someone over 5' 6". Waaaaa.

  • I love Madonna and thought she looked great at the Grammy's.  Her dancing was a little stiff and I was uncomfortable with that, but otherwise she was perfection to me.  After seeing her flash her booty on the red carpet, I didn't get mad. Nope, I just wanted whatever contraption she had holding up her cheeks.  Most days I feel like my cheeks are hovering behind my knees, so yeah I would love something to hold them up.

  • Older bodies aren't as much fun as younger bodies.  I threw out my back a couple weeks ago because I moved the wrong way, and that sucks and probably wouldn't have happened when I was 20.

  • I embrace my curves and feel sexier than ever.  It's weird because here I am this old (er) suburban mom that's totally feeling secure and confident and like I can finally show off my cleavage without feeling like it's an insecure issue but more a this is my body and I love it kind of thing...but I'm this suburban mom and I don't know if I can have cleavage. I mean can I have cleavage?  If Madonna and JLo can do it, can't I?

  • Sleep is everything. I used to think sleep was a waste of time.  I hated it.  But now that I'm older and wiser, I love it and need at least seven hours a night to feel good.

  • Acting my age means being authentic.  If I want to show off my cleavage, I will. If I want to go everywhere make-up free, I will.  If I want to get Botox, I will (if I can ever afford it). Being older should mean we finally have figured out some of the things we like and that we can change our mind and be who we want.  I mean right?

Me too Madge, me too.
  • Mean people on the Internet aren't my everything. I worry that my kids won't know what to think without the Internet telling them. I hope they have a strong sense of self and know who they are and what they want to be so they don't have to rely on all the opinions online.  I can remember taking quizzes in Cosmopolitan and Teen magazines when I was a kid and trying to figure out who I was and wanted to be. The difference was, there weren't a million comments.  Comments and Internet trolls are brutal and can ruin people, the end. There really isn't anything else to say about how much we need to stop reading mean things online, right?

I feel like this post should have a tag line that says it's being brought to you by a fiber bar.  HA!  Nope, no sponsor.  This post is brought to you by an almost 41-year-old woman who is pretty comfortable in her own skin but can't believe her skin is so old and that time is going so fast and that she needs so much sleep but she's kind of okay with all of it.  

Time is weird and so is getting older, but it doesn't totally suck.  I'm sleeping more, embracing my curves and trying to accept myself, and saving up for Botox.


  1. Time is wild.
    A song will come on the radio and I'll tell my kids, Hey, this was the shit when I was your age, which was just day before yesterday, or a couple of years ago at most.
    But in reality, no - that might as well have been about 100 years ago.
    24 hours vs 24 years. Time is wild.

    Also, we just don't give a squirt of concealer of a care about things like we used to. We care about the deeper things. Like our hearts, skin cells, retinas, colons...

    Alright stop! Collaborate and listen! That was the shit!

  2. Love this! I am definitely comfortable in my own (sagging) skin right now.

  3. I am still working to get to that comfortable in my skin part. But yes to Botox savings plans AND suburban mom cleavage or suburban mom turtlenecks if people prefer that. I, personally, want to embrace my inner love of sequins in the upcoming year. (That sounds fake, but it's not.)

  4. You are inspiring, Angela!
    I am 18 months from turning 40. I'm kinda looking forward to it actually.