Mother Yourself

I've been a mother for fifteen and a half years. 

In this picture I had been a mother for 2 days!!!!

I know a thing or two. I know that, sweet Jesus, it can be different for everyone. Like an autoimmune disease, motherhood is full of symptoms/characteristics that are unique for each individual. 

Some of us love the baby years. Some of us love when the kids get older. Some of us hate being a stay-at-home mom. Some of us struggle being a working mom. Some of us are helicopters. Some of us escape into our phones and reality TV. Some of us are totally chill and some of us need Xanax. Some of us loved being pregnant. Some of us didn't. Some of us thought it would be different. Some of us are surprised that we can love someone so much.

All of us have our own mother story--how we became mothers, why we wanted to be mothers, what we did to become mothers, how much we love our own mothers, how much we miss our mothers, how we survived our mothers...yup, everyone has a mother story.

Mother's Day is a chance to celebrate or honor all those stories. 

And you can do that however you want. Mother's Day can be about brunch with all the kids and in-laws if that's your thing. It can also be about going on a long run alone to think about everything good and bad or nothing at all. No matter what our story is, I think Mother's Day should be a day of self care. Mother yourself. Do something that makes YOU happy. Sleep in. Hug someone. Do not feel obligated to celebrate Mother's Day, or any holiday, in any way that makes you feel shitty or unauthentic (seriously, it just makes bad feelings worse and life is too short for that). Forgive yourself (for imperfections, expectations, and everything). Think about people that mothered you but weren't your mother, and maybe call them or text them. Smile and think about how mother stories are all of our stories.

Baby Wade

I posted this picture on Instagram with this caption:
I spent a decade with a baby on my hip. And a lot of those years were at a ball field like this picture. We are still at the ball fields, but no babies. In fact, I'm staring down/at the beginning of a decade of teenagers. Taking deep breaths. Trying to find a balance between freaking the fuck out and we totally got this. Miss the babies but love seeing who they are growing up to become. And so grateful for the chance to mother my kids. #motherhood #momoffour #mothersday #gratitude #throwbackthursday

Kind of dig these mom papparazi photos I've been finding lately.
I love looking back and remembering what it was like mothering little kids. I'm one of those moms who freakin loved it.

My kiddos when they were little kiddos.

Awww, I'm one of those annoying dog moms too! 

This was Mother's Day just a few years ago and woah, they all look so young.

Some Good Mothers Day Stuff:

• Such a f*&%ing good commercial. 

(Click here to watch the video)

• One of my fav go-to songs about motherhood and life.

  (Click here to watch the video)

• This video made me cry. It also gave me so much empathy and mad respect for mothers of sick kids.

  (Click here to watch the video.)

• This is a moving piece/video tells the story about mothers in jail and how that impacts families.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/11/opinion/mothers-day.html?_r=0

• This mom movie will always make me laugh. I LOVE it.

(Click here to watch the video)

Happy Mother's Day to Everyone!
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Mother's Day Haiku

Mother's Day Haiku...

Mother's Day was good. 

I didn't call my mother,

I hugged my children.

Sure, they don't all look thrilled to be in the picture,
but I know they love me.  

I hugged my dogs too because I've become that lady who treats her dogs like her babies. Yup.

Hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day weekend!

It's Happening!

I got an email that said "it's happening!"  And guys, it's happening and I am so excited.  I've had a few secret meetings, hopeful emails and even my first Google video hangout to plan/dream about/discuss what I can finally share....

I am co-producing/directing a live show called Listen To Your Mother (LTYM). (This needs to be read in an Oprah-like announcement voice.  So you know more like "a live show called Liiisteennnnn To Your Mooooootheeerrrrrr!!!!!" with arms outstretched to the sky.)

Have you heard about LTYM?  It was created by Ann Imig and is a national series of live readings by local writers in celebration of Mother's Day. Each production is directed, produced and performed by local communities, for local communities.

Watch this to learn more.

LTYM is a massively cool movement to support motherhood creatively through artistic expression and also financially through contributions to nonprofit organizations supporting families in need.

The shows are described as "giving motherhood a microphone."  Um, they had me at microphone.

I've been secretly meeting with two amazing women/mothers/writers  where we worked hard to bring the show to Metro Detroit.  These  women and new friends of mine are Angela Amman and Jessica Watson. We are beyond excited and proud to be joining this year's 32-city LTYM season.  We will be working together over the next few months to put on quite a show in May 2014. 

I will be sharing details about everything from exact times and dates, tickets, sponsorships, auditions and more.  
Stay tuned Metro Detroit, it's going to be wonderful and beautiful and empowering and reaffirming.  In the meantime make sure you follow LTYM on Twitter and me too.  And LTYM and me on Facebook.

More about what it all is about:

And if you need a reminder on how to exactly do the Oprah announcement/introduction voice, here you go:

And then of course there's Tina Fey/Liz Lemon doing the Oprah announcement/introduction voice:

Happy Tears & Flowers (And Mothers In The HOOD part Deux)

Mother's Day used to be not my favorite day.  It was a day for people who got along with their mothers.  It was a day for people without mother issues.  It was a day for happy tears and flowers.

Even after I had my first two babies, it still was about those people, not me.  Not someone who was resentful and bitter and hurt from a less than perfect mother/daughter relationship.  

I thought I would let go of some of those feelings after I had my children, but they just intensified.  Once I had babies of my own, I got angrier.  How could she have treated me like that?  I was her baby once.  I gritted my teeth and hugged my sweet kids tighter and thought "I'll never treat my kids like that."

Over the years, I've let go of some of the anger and replaced it with love and compassion.  It's less about what I wish I had and more about all that I have right in front of me-- four children that I love with all my heart and soul.  A world of possibility.  Possibility of giving them what I longed for--stability, unconditional love.  

Breakfast in bed is a pretty great way to start  Mother's Day.

As my babies get older, I actually have more compassion for my mother.  It doesn't mean that we are a Hallmark movie happy ending, it means my heart hurts for what happened to her in her life.  It means I feel sad that she felt powerless to addiction and mental illness.  It means I'm not as angry.

Instead of resenting Mother's Day and those people that it was made for, I now join them.  I embrace my role as a hard-working, well-meaning, big-loving Mother with a capital M.  It's my day of happy tears and flowers too.

Tim and Wade planted some Mother's Day flowers for me this weekend.

Part of my acceptance and feelings of belonging to this tribe of Mothers has been a journey of what I like to call intentional compassion. I do my best to show my children that emotions can be healthy, not crazy or scary and unstable.  I try to live by example, I try to set an example.  Showing my children they are not powerless, that they can hurdle emotional roadblocks, forgive people, make a difference in the world, help people and not sit on the sidelines of life. And while I'm doing all my example-ing, I'm also connecting with other mothers in this tribe, in this village it takes to raise our families.

In the spirit of intentional compassion, I hosted a pre-Mother's Day/post Cinco de Mayo/ Mothers in the Hood party.

Delivering the happy tears and flowers message
with lilacs from my front yard.

A couple months ago I had an idea to start a movement for moms in my neighborhood, I call it Mothers in the Hood Parties.   This "mothers in the hood" movement idea is not about judging what inspires or speaks to women, it's about celebrating it.  It's not about feeling less than or more than, it's about feeling wiser, prouder and stronger.  We are mothers hear us roar kind of thing.  More Helen Reddy less Sarah Palin.  But if you love her, that's cool too, no judgement, I mean it.  No mommy wars here. (Click here to read about the first party.)

One of the main reasons for these parties is to connect with other mothers and honor their/our awesomeness beyond the running around, making everything happen for our families kind of incredible-ness we do everyday.  Last week, for Mothers in the HOOD Part Deux, I invited my dear friend Liane, who is an amazing photographer/artist, to display her work and give tips on how to take beautiful pictures. She rocked the house.  Check out her photo blog here: http://liamax.blogspot.com/ .

A new friend came to discuss her foundation's gardening project-Raising Rochester-that will help fill food pantries in our area.  Click here to learn more about all the good that they are doing.

And I sold jewelry from 31bits. The jewelry supports women in Uganda. It is all made out of recycled paper and it's beautiful.  It's about mothers making a difference for other mothers and women across the globe. 

Lucy and I had a good time modeling the jewelry.

As my babies get older, I actually have more compassion for all mothers everywhere.  We are a powerful force.  I'm so happy to be a part of this sisterhood, this tribe, this motherhood.  I'm so happy to be one of those people.  

Happy tears and flowers for everyone!

What are the mothers in your hood doing that inspires you or interests you?  Ask them.  Invite them over. Support them.  Tell me about it in the comments.