Storytelling is EVERYWHERE and 2015 LTYM Videos Are Live!

While I was on the road the past few weeks, I noticed all the storytelling EVERYWHERE. In the museums about all the famous people, i.e. Lisa Marie sharing stories about her dad, Elvis, on our headphones as we toured Graceland.  Or from the people visiting the museums. While at Helen Keller's history museum, I overheard a little girl asking one of the older women that worked there to tell her a story.  

"Did you know my grandpa," the little girl asked.  The older leaned toward her and replied with a thick, sweet southern Alabama accent, "why you know what? I sure did. I knew him since he was a little, bitty boy."  The girl's eyes got wide and she asked, "did you know my great-grandfather?" "Yep," the older woman replied. The little girl hopped up and down with glee. She was mesmerized by the history and the stories the woman told about her grandfathers.

We heard stories from store owners, family, strangers, cousins and each other. 

Stories! They connect us, inspire us, make us angry, make us feel all kinds of feelings good and bad.  Stories are our past, present and future.  I knew it before I left town, but I know it more and I feel it more intensely now.  

That is one of the many, many reasons I am so proud to be a small part of encouraging people to tell their stories and come hear stories.  I am so proud to be a part of Listen To Your Mother (LTYM).  While I was  gone this past weekend, the videos of this past year's LTYM shows went live on YouTube.  There are 500 videos from across the country, click here to start watching.

I am so excited for you to hear all of them, but if I'm being totally honest I am most excited for you to hear the stories from my Detroit show.  I know that you will love them as much as I did/do.

You will meet Sabrina who seems fearless but vulnerable at the same time and you will hear about her journey to accepting herself and learning from her mother to appreciate the now and the wonder of it all.


(Click here to watch the video.) 

And Marlowe who has a fascinating life that you will want to know more about and a story that is down right relatable about being perfectly imperfect.

(Click here to watch the video.)

You'll meet Colin who was our first guy in a Detroit LTYM cast and such a sweet guy.  His story is gut wrenching and honest and beautiful.


(Click here to watch the video.)


Angela is one of the three Angela's in our cast and she is funny and quirky and wonderful. The story she tells is serious and poignant and so touching.


(Click here to watch the video.)

You will meet Christy who is a survivor and a fighter. Her story is about being afraid and brave at the same time.


(Click here to watch the video.)


Liz is the daughter of our mother/daughter cast duo.  She is the daughter we all dream of having--intelligent, kind and so appreciative. Her story is funny and one I hope my daughter tells someday!


(Click here to watch the video.)

You will meet Kim, the mother to Liz, and you will love her. She is freakin funny.  Her stage presence will blow you away and you will want her to keep reading and telling her story forever. 



(Click here to watch the video.)


Delores is next and her story is one that so many mothers of young kids can relate to. It's a story about trying to keep control of your day, your life, your schedule but at the same time have little kids and be in the moment.  Hear how she eased into the silliness.


(Click here to watch the video.)

One of the other Angela's is sort of the resident goofball, the kind of mom that makes everyone feel like they are doing okay. I mean at least I hope that's how I make you feel, otherwise I'm just a goofball.  Here's my story about how I am finally maybe able to be the cool mom, or as I like to call it the Beyonce Mom.


(Click here to watch the video.)

Mona is a woman with an air of elegance. I loved seeing her on stage-- she is poise and grace and style. She is also funny and a fierce mama. Her story is about having children that may look different than you and how society reacts and how that makes her feel.


(Click here to watch the video.) 

You will meet Chitra, a woman I have so much love and respect for. She was supportive and kind to all of us on the day of the show and has been in the days since the show. Her story is about weaving humor into a life of parenting a child with autism and always finding the joy in life.


(Click here to watch the video.)



The thing about stories and LTYM is when you have a "me too" moment.  When you connect with a storyteller and a particular story so much that you find yourself saying "me too."  Diane's story was my "me too" moment this past year.  Diane tells the story about surviving a mother who was troubled and how she can now look back at her mother with compassion and love.  This story hit me hard and the way Diane tells it on stage is all power and strength and softness and raw beauty.


(Click here to watch the video.)

The last video is one of the other Angela's in the show. Angela Amman is my coproducer/codirector/friend.  She is also a beautiful writer and compassionate daughter and mother. She tells a story about having a mother that is different than what she wants, or what she thinks she wants, and about finding a beautiful and lasting connection with her. 



(Click here to watch the video.)

Mattering

A few days before my big Listen To Your Mother (LTYM) show, Tim got a call that one of his students in his high school had committed suicide. He was devastated for the girl, her family and the school.  Listening to him on the phone with coworkers and worried parents and police made me so sad.  Watching him wince as he listened to those parents or the way he held onto Wade's hug a little longer before bed the next night made my heart ache.  

No one knows why this young girl killed herself. No one knows the whole story. And she doesn't get to finish hers.


                               **********

I remember thinking that the world might be better off without me.  I had been told that I was a slut, that I was demanding and selfish and unkind. I was told that I was difficult and hard to manage. I was told that all I did was hurt people. I was told that I wasn't very smart. I was told these things by my mother. A mother who was suffering and sick with mental illness and the kind of desperation that makes people lash out. But no one knew that, not even her, so I believed her. I remember sitting in my mother's bathtub with a razor thinking maybe, just maybe the world would be better off without me. I was 13.

I'm not sure what changed my mind that day or if I was even really serious, but I never forgot that feeling of maybe I wasn't worthy of a full life. 

Somehow I survived my teens and my mother. I think it was because I was told other things too. I was told by a couple of my friends' moms that I was nice and a good person. Ms. Maxwell, a history teacher, told me I was smart and a good storyteller. Mr. Hodgin, a teacher in middle school and high school, told me I was going to be on stage someday, which I have no idea why because I wasn't involved in anything or on stage in school. I was told I had a voice. I was told I mattered.

Another reason I survived my teens and my mother was because of all my boyfriends. I wasn't a slut like my mother told me I was. But I did have a lot of friends that were boys. I was friends with boys in my remedial math class, my typing class, boys on the football team and boys in the theater. I had girlfriends too, but I struggled to manage those friendships sometimes. I didn't handle it well when girls got upset with each other or me. I didn't know how then and I admit to being pretty bad at it even now. Some of the girls didn't want to hang out with me because maybe they thought I was slut like my mother did. And some of the girls' mothers told them they couldn't hang out with me because of my troubled home life (I had been caught drinking several times before and teaching girls to smoke beside the middle school, and it was becoming more and more well known that my mother was a mess).

Those boys helped me survive. They protected me from mean girls. They took me out to lunch off campus in high school when none of the girls wanted to hang out with me.  They picked me up and drove me around when my mom was raging and I needed somewhere to go. Some of them were nice boys that had good families that taught them to be nice to everyone. Some of them were misfit boys with troubled home lives who totally got me. They listened when I talked about my mom and they didn't tell anyone. They drank beer with me and smoked cigarettes with me. They made sure I got home safely from the parties in high school. They showed me I mattered.

                          *******

I was thinking about all of this when we were doing sound checks before the show on Sunday. 

I was thinking about the power of what we tell people and what we show people. I watched the cast members get up on stage to practice with the mic and where they would stand to tell their truths, to reveal their stories. What had they been told when they were afraid and uncertain? How did they know they mattered?

Whatever it had been, there they were on stage not just mattering but about to share their heart with a theater full of people. One person was going to tell a story of watching his mother take her last breath. Another person was getting ready to tell the story of learning to live with losing her vision after giving birth. And there was a woman so nervous to tell the story of her mother's attempted suicide. These stories were woven together with humorous stories about motherhood and learning to let go of being perfect and to appreciate the lives we have and the bodies we have.

I was serving as MC of the show this year (as well as reading a story that involved Beyonce).

After all the practicing and all the preparation, it was time to go on stage for real.  Time to introduce the storytellers/readers.  Time to be heard. I took a deep breath and looked out at the crowd. In the back of the room I saw the group of guys working the sound and light for the theater. They gave me a thumbs up. I worked with them last year for LTYM and instantly loved them.  They reminded me of some of my high school buddies that had been so supportive over 20 years earlier.  They were goofballs that got me. Guys I'd go have a smoke with in the alley by the theater if I still smoked. Looking at those guys cheering me on, remembering what my teachers said, remembering that I had a voice, I smiled and started talking.

As I listened to our cast bravely tell their stories and the audience respond, I wanted to take the mic and yell "all of this matters, we all matter, YOU matter!" I wanted to shout at everyone to "tell people good things, be kind even to kids that may seem like the bad kids, reach out, tell the stories, share the vulnerability, empower each other, find support in places you may not expect like goofy guys in remedial math class, teach our girls and boys to be protectors of each other, make sure we all get home safely!" 

I mean right?!

I think they got most of that without me yelling it.  Because it's kind of the whole point of the show. And I am kind of blown away that I get to be a part of LTYM. A show, and a movement really, that helps grow compassion and empathy and understanding and relatability and bravery and love. Something that reminds us that are not alone and that we matter.

Cass Community Social Services & The Power of Stories

A couple weeks ago, I was asked to speak to my church about volunteering at Cass Community Social Services (CCSS). Inspired by my experiences at CCSS and my experiences with storytelling, I decided to not just give a speech, but to tell a story.  Here's my story I told about why CCSS means so much to me personally (and it's why I pushed so hard to have CCSS be the charity we donate part of our ticket proceeds to from Listen to Your Mother this year).



                           





                          ************* 


A few years ago, I fell in love with Cass Community Social Services and all the work they do in Detroit; I fell in love with the people that work there and the people that live there.  

My first trip to Cass Community Social Services was with a group from St. Paul's.  

We went down and painted apartments and planted gardens.  We got a tour of the Green Industries where they make mud mats from old tires.  We ate lunch with Cass clients.  We really got to know the place and each other.  We met the director of Cass, Reverand Faith Fowler and learned so much about Cass. 

We learned that they prepare and serve one million meals annually, that over 300 homeless  men, women and children stay in one of their shelters, transitional housing or permanent housing programs.  We learned how the Green Industries program employs over 70 adults and is designed to marry jobs with sustainability.

My daughter Lucy, who was 9 at the time, was even impressed.  I asked her what she thought about all of it and one of the things she said stuck with me, she said, "you know everyone has a back story."    It wasn't getting to paint with the grown ups or watching people put together the mats that stuck with her, it was the stories of some of the residents.

Since that visit, I have been back to Cass several times.  And I've had the opportunity to have a one-on-one conversation with Reverend Fowler.  She talked about the book she has written called This Far by Faith: Twenty Years at Cass Community, it is quite wonderful and insightful.  She told me, she wrote it because people remember stories.  She said she could tell people facts and numbers about Cass and statistics about Detroit and homelessness and lack of jobs, but it's the stories that stick with people and impact them.

So today, I want to tell you a little bit about my backstory and part of the reason why going to Cass means so much to me and why I want to encourage people to give their time and money to Cass. And maybe make people think a little bit differently.  

You see, every time I go to Cass and meet one of the residents with a backstory that involves mental illness and/or addiction that led to homelessness, I think about my mother.  I think that resident could be my mother. For over half my life, my mother has suffered from both mental illness and drug and alcohol addiction. She has pushed everyone away, refused help and even moved away. It is incredibly heartbreaking to try to help someone you love and they don't want it or can't accept it. It is especially hard when it is your parent because as many of you know...no matter how old we get, we need or we want our mothers.  I fear that my mother will end up homeless and looking for someone to help her.  And I can only hope that the community she lives in has a place like Cass with volunteers and programs to help her.  

I know first hand that life can be cruel and addiction can ruin people's lives. I watched a good mother suffer through years of an undiagnosed mental illness. I watched her change because of all of her self-medication and bad choices and fear and anger and paranoia.  I watched.  I begged with her to stop. I hired people to help. I yelled at doctors who were over-prescribing.  I worked with people from social services.  But sadly, soon we might be out of options.

I tell you this because I know some of us might make judgements about homeless people or people with addiction issues and wonder why their families aren’t doing anything or helping.  I want to tell you another side, the side of the story where the family is desperate to help and do something but nothing works.  I tell you this to show you it’s not just a city problem, people in safe upper middle class suburbs can end up alone and suffering and yes, homeless.

I tell you this because every time I go to Cass I think about my mother.  And I think about the stories of of the people at Cass and their backstories and their families. And I think that if I can't save or help my mother, maybe I can help someone else's. 

So, yeah, I love Cass Community Social Services and I am so grateful to be a member of a church that supports them.  I encourage, no I urge all of you to open your mind, open your heart and get involved with Cass Community Social Services.  Go hear their stories and make them a part of yours.


                       **************

Several people came up to me after the church service and told me about their own family members who struggle with addiction or mental illness. There were hugs, hand squeezes of solidarity and even a few tears. I felt lifted up by their connection and hopefully they felt the same.  There is power in sharing our stories.  There is power in vulnerabilty.  There is comfort in knowing we are not alone.

Click here to find out more about Cass Community Social Services.

Click here to buy Reverend Fowler's book.

Click here to find out more about Listen To Your Mother and here to buy tickets to hear stories and support Cass Community Social Services.

Here's a video from when a few members of this year's LTYM cast and a couple of my kids went to volunteer at Cass.

(Click here to watch the video.)

Storytelling Season

This time of year is busy and crazy and also my absolute favorite.  I am in the middle of my storytelling season and my heart is bursting with gratitude and inspiration and so much god damn love.

Truth! (Photo Credit: Pinterest)

As a producer of Listen To Your Mother Metro Detroit, I get to bond with a cast of storytellers that are brave and funny and full of life and all kinds of amazing.  

My coproducer Angela Amman and I running our first rehearsal.

I also get to meet businesses that sponsor our show that have their own stories to tell.  The woman in Detroit who pitched her idea for a bra shop, got the funding and went after her dream.  The therapists who help kids with special needs and their families, kids and families who bring me to tears with their strength and resolve and love.


Euro-Peds from Jumping With My Fingers Crossed on Vimeo.

The show is less than two weeks away, on April 26 at Saint Andrew's Hall in Detroit.  It is going to be phenomenal. (Click here for tickets.)

As a freelance video editor I get to create videos for nonprofit organizations like Charlottes' Wings.  I get to meet women who came together to make a difference in the lives of children suffering from illness and families who are grieving after losing a child.  I get to meet  and talk with children in the hospital and their parents and their caregivers.  

These men were playing beautiful music in the lobby of Children's Hospital when I was there. Music is healing and comforting.

The video will be shown at the benefit which is on April 25th (yup, the day before my LTYM show!). I will post it on my blog after the benefit.

I am blessed and honored and grateful that I get to help tell all the stories and help provide a platform for people to share their stories.  I am humbled and blown away by what people go through, what people survive, what people remember, what people hold onto, what people want to share.

And of course I'm still telling the stories of my own family on my blog, vlog and other places.  I was recently asked to share my love story on the lifestyle blog, The Best of this Life.  It was fun to look back at the past 17 years of my relationship with Tim.

(Click here to read the story.)

This season, this month of April, is also a busy time on my YouTube channel because I participate in VEDA (vlog everyday in April).  This month I haven't been quite as everyday as I'd like, but I'm hoping to end the month strong with stories everyday on my channel. Check out it out...

(Click here to watch the video.)

Dreams and Stages and Listen To Your Mother

Almost a year ago, I stepped onto a stage and told a story.  I was scared at first, but then I fell in love. I fell in love with how that can-I-really-do-this? kind of scared made me feel alive.  I fell in love with the audience when they laughed at and with me.  I fell in love with telling stories.  I fell in love with being on stage.

I was on stage telling my story at the very first Listen To Your Mother show in Detroit (which I also co-produced/directed).  

We are in the midst of planning this year's Listen To Your Mother in Detroit. This year, not only will I be telling a story, but I get to be the MC and have the great honor of introducing all of the storytellers.  We have a cast of 13 (including me) people that will be scared and excited and taking the stage on April 26th.

Check out this video with advice from last year's LTYM amazing cast members for this year's cast.
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Listen To Your Mother Metro Detroit Advice From The 2014 Cast from Jumping With My Fingers Crossed on Vimeo.


Being a part of this show has given me so many opportunities to be creative and learn new things and meet fascinating people. It's given me the opportunity to be on stage and have these daydreams about being on more stages.  I feel more alive and sort of like a kid again.  Except I'm not a kid, which isn't a bad thing. 

At almost 41, I am more confident and comfortable in my skin than when I was 21. I mean I've lived so much more life. I've survived bad jobs, bad relationships, stupid decisions, a crazy mother, running a marathon, childbirth, being broke, losing people I loved and being totally rejected and...I'm still here and pretty happy.  

Less things intimidate me now (except for yoga, that still intimidates me). I know who I am and more of what I want.  Time and sleep are way more valuable at almost 41. I'm ready to stop apologizing and start moving along. I am okay with setting boundaries and saying no and not letting toxic people back into my life. And not feeling guilty about it. Saying no is actually getting a lot easier. Saying yes to things and people and places I want to be is too.  

I am saying yes to dreams and creating new opportunities and reinvention and more stages.  

I read an article recently about how Phyllis Diller was 40 years old (and had 4 or 5 kids) when she started her career in comedy.  They called her a late bloomer.  Well, folks, I will be 41 in June and I am blooming.  

Who knows what will happen....maybe I will Phyllis Diller the hell out of my stage time at LTYM and get discovered by some talent scout in the audience and I will tour the Midwest telling bad jokes.  Or maybe not. But I know without a doubt, that I will be a part of an unbelievably powerful show where people get to get on stage and tell their stories and discover dreams that they maybe didn't even know they had and awaken creative fires they didn't even know were there.

For more information about Listen To Your Mother Metro Detroit, click here.

Click here to buy tickets to LTYM Metro Detroit which is on Sunday, April 26th at 3 p.m.

Old School Blogging Fun

This past weekend was warmish and super busy.  Friday night it was 48 degrees, so duh, we walked to Dairy Queen and got ice cream.   Then there were basketball games and skateboarding and pizza and more ice cream and dog walking and visiting and staying up late and typical busy weekend stuff.

And then on Sunday, I went into Detroit for the first Listen To Your Mother Metro Detroit table read/rehearsal.  It was on the second floor of Whole Foods in Midtown Detroit.  It was beyond cool to look down on the busy market and hear all the inspiring stories from our new cast.  It was such an alive kind of feeling, electric really.

Being so busy and so distracted by stories and ice cream, I thought it would be fun to do something a little different on my blog.  Today I'm kicking it old school and linking up for a little Old School Blogging fun.  I'm answering questions and linking up with Elaine from The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Julia from Wine In Mom.  



Let the Old School Blogging begin...

If you could be on a reality show which one would you choose?
Um, my own.  Yeah, that's right, I would be on my own.  But in case I never get one, I would choose to be on The Real Housewives of somewhere.  I believe I could hold my own and have a little fun with the ladies.  One time a few years ago, I even made up a few intros I could use, just in case.

 

(Click here to watch the video.)



Name one thing you have saved from your childhood?

I have two boxes of things I've saved from my childhood and have moved with me roughly 259 times.  I have old spoons that I collected, piggy banks, journals and two stuffed animals, including Fluffy.  Fluffy is a bear that isn't very fluffy and never really was.  I got him when I was in a very bad car accident when I was five years old and I slept with him every night until I went to college. 

If your life had a theme song what would it be?

I love music and I have a lot of different songs that I think would fit.  One song that I think really feels right to be my overall life theme song....maybe Ani DiFranco's "Joyful Girl."  Because through it all, I really am joyful.  I choose joy, I choose the silver lining, even when it's really hard to see.


(Click here to listen.) 


What is your happy place?

Either a big city or a beach.  I love getting lost in a crowd in the big city and the people watching and the humanity of a big city.  I also love getting lost in the vastness of the ocean and the sound of the waves and the mystery of it all.

What is one thing about your home that you and your spouse disagree on?

My spouse and I disagree on a lot of things in life-- he hates realty TV, I love it; he is more conservative, I couldn't be more liberal; he doesn't like going to parties, I like to be the life of them; he's country, I'm city; he's quiet, I'm loud...but our house? We don't disagree about anything except color--I want more, he wants less.

What is your favorite fruit?

Bananas.  I have a banana every morning when I wake up.

Bow tie or regular tie?

I like both, but all four of the boys/man in my house don't care for either (too fancy and uncomfortable!).



Mexican or Italian (food, not men)?

Mexican!!!! I LOVE Mexican food. The end.



Where do you want to go on Summer vacation?

I live for the summer road trip--the freedom of the open road is heaven to me.  I love to stop at the funky places that look like they are fake but they are real.  One of my favorite places to go every summer is a place called GunTown Mountain in Kentucky.  Over the past few years, we got to know the woman that owned the general store there, Della.  When she sold the place I wished that Tim and I could have bought it and run it.  That's my real dream!

Here are the kids at the completely, wonderfully cheesy haunted house at GunTown Mountain. 

Does this say summer vacation or what?

What are your go-to shoes in your closet?

Right now, boots.  When the weather warms up it will be flip flops.  I'm not really a shoe shopper.  I like shoes, but I just don't spend a lot of money on them.  And I get attached to favorites.  My sister basically forced me to throw away my old boots because I was wearing them even though they had holes in the bottom of them.  I loved those boots so much. 


This is old school because it's random and fun and get to know you kind of blogging.  Love it.  Now go check out the other fun on Elaine and Julia's blogs.

Thank You

Yesterday I was on the phone with the guy from AT&T and I was a little overwhelmed.  Not only by my bill, but also by the kindness of the AT&T guy.  He was helpful and calm and patient and very nice.  He was good at his job and I appreciated it so much. The AT&T guy helped me figure out my bill and how I could switch to a new plan to save money.

"Not one thing has been easy lately, thank you for making this so easy," I told him.  "And thank you so much for being so nice."

"Oh ma'am, it's my pleasure and thank YOU for telling me that," he said to me laughing a little bit.  "Merry Christmas!"

                              *****

A woman I am lucky to call a friend/mentor, Satori Shakoor, lives and breathes gratitude. She said once that she believes "in thank you and that service with a smile is the possibility of love."  Satori is a master storyteller and she spoke in the Listen To Your Mother show I helped produce in Detroit last year.  In the show she talked about how gratitude is her only religion and "thank you" is her only prayer. (Click here to watch her story, it will blow you away.)

Two Sundays ago in church I taught a class about saying thank you.  I feel like I teach a class like that a few times a year. But I think we need reminders--we need classes, stories, Satori's and AT&T guys and Christmas--because it's easy to forget. Sometimes life can be really hard and confusing and frustrating.  Life can make you want to wring your hands in the air and ask why/how with an occasional you've got to be kidding me, instead of raising your hands up and saying thank you. 

But then, the reminders, the thank yous, the gratitude...you remember the possibility of love.  It shines through the smile you give someone, the nod of respect, the thank you at the store, the thank you on the phone, the acts of service, the appreciation you give your friend or your child or a stranger, it's all love.

I have a lot of love for Detroit.
We spent time at Eastern Market in Detroit this past weekend.

I love that I have so many kids that they can play a pretty legit game of basketball together.

I am thankful for this space where I get to share my life and be creative and talk about storytelling and my friends and their wisdom; and where I get to try and be funny and post dance videos and maybe make someone feel less alone.  

I am thankful that I get to do fun giveaways and give you a chance to win stuff.  Today, my friend Katie Redmond is giving away a $50 gift card to stella & dot.  Have you seen their jewelry?  They have beautiful stuff- click here to check it out.

These are just a few items that are each under $50!  

Katie is also selling another line called Keep Collective (click here to check it out), you can use the gift card there if you wish to do that. 

Enter and win! Leave a comment about what you are thankful for right now.  Is it somebody?  Go tell them thank you.  

Spread the joy, feel the love, remember to believe in thank you. Tis the season of gratitude and love and kindness. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Telling My Story

It was my turn to tell my story and I couldn't remember it.  How could I not remember my own story?  It was my life for Christ's sake.  The only thing running through my head were TV theme songs from the 1980s and early '90s.  Theme songs from popular, long-running sitcoms like "Facts of Life" and not so long-running shows like "The Greatest American Hero."  I could remember every single word of those songs but not my story.

Thank god it was only a rehearsal.  I stumbled and fumbled through my way through my story and just hoped it would get better for the big night.

The big night was my opportunity to tell a story with The Secret Society of the Twisted Storytellers in Detroit.  The Secret Society of Twisted Storytellers is a production of the The Secret Society for the Re-Institutionalization of Storytelling, a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization, TSRS has a global mission and purpose to connect humanity, heal and transform community and provide an uplifting, thought-provoking, soul-cleansing entertainment experience that is unique through the art and craft of storytelling. 

I found out about the show from Satori Shakoor, who is the executive director of TSRS.  I met Satori in a coffee shop in midtown Detroit last February when she made me cry with a story.  She was auditioning for the Listen To Your Mother  (LTYM) show I co-produced/directed.  Satori read her story to my fellow producers and myself and we all wept.  She of course was in LTYM in Detroit last May, click here to watch her powerful story and tribute to her mother.




From the first moment I met her I knew she was a force of nature and I knew I was a fan.  I went to her show and became a bigger fan.  The Secret Society of the Twisted Storytellers blew my mind.  It was  room full of powerful stories, brave storytellers, compassionate audience members, music, dancing, self-expression and art and honesty and love.  It was community.  

It was a community that I wanted to be a part of.  So when Satori asked if I had a story to tell I said "yeah, I have a few."

I thought about telling stories about my kids, my addiction to television, my dog, my marriage, my bike, my tour of Southfork...but I kept going back to my mother.  My mother.  I felt like I shouldn't tell that story because I've told that story so many times on my blog, in therapy, to my friends and countless journals.  But I kept going back to my mother.

Satori scheduled a phone call a few weeks to hear my story.  I read something I had written.  It was short.  It was about my mother.  She told me it was a rich story.  She also told me to give it more details and to find the poetry.  She told me to "dig for it."

I dug.  It was like therapy.  I thought about things I hadn't thought about in a long time.  I added details and tried to find some poetry. 

During the second call, I heard her laugh a little and felt like I scored some points.  I knew I might have dug a little too deep and added too much and made it too long (it needed to be about 15 minutes my story was 20 minutes).  She listened intently and then said "Well, you have something...a short story or something, don't fuck with it."  You might as well have told me I won the lottery.  I felt like Rudolph when Clarice said she thinks he's cute.  Remember when he sing/says "she thinks I'm cuuuuute!"  I wanted to sing/say "she said don't fuuuuuuuck with it!"  

She did suggest I edit it a bit for time for the show.  So I went back to work editing my story.  I went to work memorizing my story--I practiced in the car, in the shower and in the kitchen after the kids went to bed.  

                    **************************

Last spring when I got on stage to read my story for the Listen To Your Mother show I co-produced, I felt like I was sort of home.  It felt natural, good and right.  For that show, I read my own essay (click here to watch it).  

Reading and memorizing are very different.  I was nervous that I wouldn't remember anything I worked so hard to memorize for the Twisted Storytellers show.  My back up plan was to just bust out singing the theme song to "The Greatest American Hero" and encourage the audience to join in...that's community right?

The one and only Satori Shakoor.

Pre-show prep.

I was killing it in the pre-show interview.  Actually I was making stupid jokes and faces because that's what I do when I get nervous.

My story was the second story of the night.  I made my way to the stage and my heart was pounding so hard I felt like people could see it thumping in my chest. "This is happening, you are here, don't blow it, enjoy it, they are all waiting, go for it, oh shit, here it goes," was running through my head as I stood in front of the mic.

I started talking.  It felt like home, it felt good, it felt natural, it felt right.    My story, my truth, my confession, my soul....I let it all out into the microphone.  The audience laughed and nodded.  They listened, it felt good to be heard.  They came up to me during intermission and after the show to tell me how they connected with my story.  It felt good to be understood.  I felt like it was bigger than my story. I felt like  part of this community.  A community full of compassion and love and hugs and inspiration.  I felt less alone. 

Satori helped me find the poetry in the story.  She mentored and mothered me.  She helped me have the courage to tell the story about my mother which is the story of growing up with someone that is mentally ill, and loving them and feeling helpless and lost because of them and being rejected by them. It's the story about how watching her shaped me.  It's the story about my fear that I will become her.

Being embraced and understood and mentored and mothered helped me find the poetry and the courage to not just tell my story but be healed by it.  

If you live in Detroit or plan to visit Detroit, you should go to The Secret Society of Twisted Storytellers show.  It's at the Charles H. Wright Museum in Detroit on the third Friday of every month.  Click here for more details.  And click here to watch videos of ALL the stories.

(The video of my story isn't up yet, but it will be soon.)

Wow and What I Know For Sure

My kids can be a rowdy bunch.  They are boisterous and funny and a little bit nuts, but almost always having a good time.  They are not mean, they don't swear or steal.  I love my rowdy bunch, even when I take them places like the grocery store. Even when they bicker or do normal kid stuff.  Even when not everyone gets how wonderful they are.

"If you keep bugging your brother, I am going to pick you up and put you in this baby seat," I said channeling my best Claire Huxtable-I-mean-business-mister face. I said this to Peyton who is three inches taller than me.

"Ooooh, I'd like to see you do that," an older gentleman said as he walked by us in the fresh produce section.  

"I'm not afraid, I'll do it," I said.

"Oh, I know that's true," the man replied laughing.  "Boy, I remember those days."

We continued shopping and my kids continued to be a bit um, boisterous.  

"Stay here, I'll be right back," I told them as I walked over to pick out the cheapest chicken breasts.

"Wow," said a mother next to me nudging her teenage daughter and pointing.  "I mean, just wow."

She was pointing at my kids.  Her "wow" wasn't a nice "wow."  It was a "wow" filled with judgement and annoyance and superiority.  Her "wow" was mean.  It wasn't even a "wow" that meant she'd been there and remembers when her kids were little and got restless running errands.  Nope, it was a "wow" just meant to be rude and suck-y and teach her teenage daughter to be that way.

I looked at my kids and felt a new sense of pride.  "Wow," I thought.  My "wow" was filled with love and pride and happiness.  Those loud, rowdy kids were interesting and fun and so alive.  

I love being their mom and having the most non-boring trips to the grocery store ever.  I am grateful for opportunities to teach them to support people and laugh with people like the nice man in the fresh produce section. And when I "wow" someone, it is going to be to lift them up, not weigh them down with judgement or ridicule, I know this for sure.  

We are our own little parade in the grocery store parking lot!

Here's what else I know for sure this week, right now:

• Summer is my favorite time of year for so many reasons, like the fact that we can all take the dog for a walk together in the middle of the day.

• This movie, Boyhood, looks ahhhhhmazing. 

• My kids made up a great new game at the beach the other day.  They bury my feet in the sand and they tell me I have to sit down and not move. They think they are being mean making me sit. Ha!

• There's nothing better than fresh peaches and sweet tea in the summer.

• My Listen To Your Mother reading is up on YouTube!  Check me & the rest of the Metro Detroit cast out.

What do you know for sure this week, right now?  Share it here or on my Facebook page.