Mother Yourself

I've been a mother for fifteen and a half years. 

In this picture I had been a mother for 2 days!!!!

I know a thing or two. I know that, sweet Jesus, it can be different for everyone. Like an autoimmune disease, motherhood is full of symptoms/characteristics that are unique for each individual. 

Some of us love the baby years. Some of us love when the kids get older. Some of us hate being a stay-at-home mom. Some of us struggle being a working mom. Some of us are helicopters. Some of us escape into our phones and reality TV. Some of us are totally chill and some of us need Xanax. Some of us loved being pregnant. Some of us didn't. Some of us thought it would be different. Some of us are surprised that we can love someone so much.

All of us have our own mother story--how we became mothers, why we wanted to be mothers, what we did to become mothers, how much we love our own mothers, how much we miss our mothers, how we survived our mothers...yup, everyone has a mother story.

Mother's Day is a chance to celebrate or honor all those stories. 

And you can do that however you want. Mother's Day can be about brunch with all the kids and in-laws if that's your thing. It can also be about going on a long run alone to think about everything good and bad or nothing at all. No matter what our story is, I think Mother's Day should be a day of self care. Mother yourself. Do something that makes YOU happy. Sleep in. Hug someone. Do not feel obligated to celebrate Mother's Day, or any holiday, in any way that makes you feel shitty or unauthentic (seriously, it just makes bad feelings worse and life is too short for that). Forgive yourself (for imperfections, expectations, and everything). Think about people that mothered you but weren't your mother, and maybe call them or text them. Smile and think about how mother stories are all of our stories.

Baby Wade

I posted this picture on Instagram with this caption:
I spent a decade with a baby on my hip. And a lot of those years were at a ball field like this picture. We are still at the ball fields, but no babies. In fact, I'm staring down/at the beginning of a decade of teenagers. Taking deep breaths. Trying to find a balance between freaking the fuck out and we totally got this. Miss the babies but love seeing who they are growing up to become. And so grateful for the chance to mother my kids. #motherhood #momoffour #mothersday #gratitude #throwbackthursday

Kind of dig these mom papparazi photos I've been finding lately.
I love looking back and remembering what it was like mothering little kids. I'm one of those moms who freakin loved it.

My kiddos when they were little kiddos.

Awww, I'm one of those annoying dog moms too! 

This was Mother's Day just a few years ago and woah, they all look so young.

Some Good Mothers Day Stuff:

• Such a f*&%ing good commercial. 

(Click here to watch the video)

• One of my fav go-to songs about motherhood and life.

  (Click here to watch the video)

• This video made me cry. It also gave me so much empathy and mad respect for mothers of sick kids.

  (Click here to watch the video.)

• This is a moving piece/video tells the story about mothers in jail and how that impacts families.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/11/opinion/mothers-day.html?_r=0

• This mom movie will always make me laugh. I LOVE it.

(Click here to watch the video)

Happy Mother's Day to Everyone!
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Doing Whatever I Want

Tim took all the kids to JT's baseball tournament in Indiana this past weekend. I had to work and had deadlines for articles and couldn't go. At first I felt guilty and upset. I cried. When I came home from work Friday night after the kids and Tim had already left, I found a bottle of wine and a note on the counter. 

The note said:

Enjoy some time alone, I miss you, I miss us.
Sit on the porch, pour a glass of wine, smell the lilacs and relax.
I truly love you.

Love, Tim

It was what I needed to read. Tim knows me well. He knows that I need alone time to feel more normal. So, I sat on my porch and got a little drunk.

Then I watched a movie, Sisters (sort of funny, but not the funniest ever). I worked a little. I ate a lot. I took the dogs for walks. I drank more. I worked more. I slept in. I watched a documentary on Richard Linklater (so awesome! I'm a fan.). 


(click here to watch the video)

I worked again. I danced in my kitchen. I played my records. I watched stupid clips on YouTube. I made a pizza for myself. I drank more. I slept more. 

My friend brought me a coffee on Sunday morning. She knew I needed caffeine from all my day drinking and to get all the work done. And yes, I'm listening to the Dazed And Confused soundtrack. Love it!

This morning I woke up refreshed. Happy. Relaxed. 
I've been feeling so run down lately and a little anxious and even more sensitive than usual. It turns out I what I needed was a little time to do whatever the hell I wanted.

Kids are back, routines (or my attempt at them) are back, crazy busy pace is back and I'm all "Let's do this!"

The Self Care Zone and What I Know For Sure

"I just want to try and get seven to eight hours a sleep a night, go see a matinee every once in a while, get a little fat and maybe jog a 5-K for charity," I told my brother on the phone yesterday.

We laughed about how I sounded like a super old lady. I am not super old. I'm 41. According to an article I read on Facebook the other day I am supposed to be enjoying a second prime right now. All I know for sure right now is that I'm pretty tired. Mostly really happy but definitely tired.

It's so funny because just a couple years ago when I was 39 and getting ready to turn 40 I was full of "I'm going to do this! and that and be a better me and kind of amazing and I love myself and the world and I'm going to run a marathon and travel and learn to sew and be more amazing!"  I wouldn't say I'm there anymore and it's not the worst thing in the world. 

Now I just simply value balance or at least trying to have a little of it now and then. I want to slow down parts of my life which means I have to start saying no to some things. I want to enjoy moments with the kids when they aren't embarassed by me or rolling their eyes at something I say. I want to be healthy and watch what I eat but I also want to eat dessert and drink wine. I value sleep more than ever before. I wake up a few mornings a week and work out in my basement before the kids get up and before I go to work. When I can, I go for runs outside. I do those things more for peace of mind than losing weight.

This picture make me look huge, sort of larger than life. 
Every other morning I drag my tired butt out of bed to move my body. I work out to wake up and get healthier and stronger. I make room between the ping pong table and piles of laundry to work it ALL out. I use my shadow to check my form. And even though I'm tired, I always feel better after I do this.

On my days off I am intentional about doing small things that make me happy, like sitting on the porch and reading a chapter of my book or watching a documentary on Netflix (like this one about Iris Apfel) or going to a matinee.  

I think there's a name for what I'm doing...self care.  It's kind of a hot topic/buzz word/trend right now, one that I totally support. I struggled to get on board with the whole quinoa trend and the hot yoga trend, but self care? Yeah, I'm in that zone right now.

Maybe in a couple weeks, months or years I will be all "I'm going to do this! and that and be a better me and kind of amazing and I'm going to do great things!" again. But for now I am slowing down where I can, taking care of my family and myself and searching for more balance and it's all pretty good, I know that for sure.

Here's what else I know for sure right now:

• Matinees are the best. Last week in support of the Self Care Zone, I went to see a movie at 10 a.m. in the morning. Whaaaat? Yup. Then I vlogged about it. Check it out if you missed it.

(Click here to watch the video.)

• Going to the grocery store at 7 a.m. on a Sunday is a good time to go. Lots of carts and no lines! I mean it's early, but it's kind of nice and peaceful.

• In the name of balance, I am totally digging working part time. I love having Tuesdays and Thursdays off. I love it so much I want to have a T-shirt made that expresses how much I love Tuesdays and Thursdays.

• Tim and I are still completely and totally obsessed with the show Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. We are almost half way through the second to last season. It's so violent and horrifying and amazing.

• I LOVE this song. I'm a little embarrassed because it's by a Jonas brother and I publicly liked another song by another Jonas brother last week. I mean there's nothing wrong with Jonas brothers, it just seems funny to me. But I can't deny loving this silly song.

(Click here to watch the video and dance.)

• I am not regretting putting the Foosball table in our dining room. The boys play almost every morning before school. It's awesome. 

What do YOU know for sure this week? How do you find balance? Tell me here or over on my Facebook page. And if you want, subscribe to my YouTube channel and come play with me on Instagram.

Balance & National Poetry Day

Today I took one of the dog's for a walk in the woods while the kids were in school. I picked a few of the wildflowers that are still hanging around. I stood on a bridge and watched the leaves fall into the water. I looked for acorns. I took deep breaths. I noticed more good than bad in everything and everywhere. I realized (again) that I need a slower pace sometimes and fresh air and solitude to get back a feeling of balance in my life.

I am grateful for balance and wildflowers and finding joy and wonder in the small and ordinary moments.

Today is National Poetry Day.  Here is a poem I love from Mary Oliver to celebrate the day and the wonder and joy of the ordinary.

Mindful

Every day
I see or I hear
something 
that more or less

kills me
with delight, 
that leaves me
like a needle

in the haystack
of light.
It is what I was born for--
to look, to listen,

to lose myself
inside this soft world--
to instruct myself
over and over

in joy,
and acclamation.
Nor am I talking
about the exceptional,

the fearful, the dreadful,
the very extravagant--
but of the ordinary,
the common, the very drab,

the daily presentations.
Oh, good scholar,
I say to myself,
how can you help

but grow wise
with such teachings as these--
the untrimmable light

of the world, 
the ocean's shine, 
the prayers that are made
out of grass?

Put Yourself Higher on the List

**I participated in this sponsored campaign on behalf of REACH® and One2One Network. **

"It's been two years," I said immediately avoiding eye contact and laughing a little too loudly.  "I've been really busy, you know and um, I mean I brush my teeth all the time and I promise I floss, I do. I really do."

The woman I was confessing all of my dental sins was a very kind hygienist who was holding a paper bib up, patiently waiting for me to finish talking before putting it around my neck.  I'm sure she's heard worse. I mean right?

Not only am I possibly one of the most annoying dental patients in history, I am (once again) the thing I keep fighting against and denying that I am....a cliche.  I am the guilt-ridden mom who has lost her way on the fitness/nutrition journey and almost always puts herself last cliche.  

My doctor, dentist and hair appointments are at the end of a very busy, kid-centered to-do list.  And I'm starting to feel the effects of it all. I've gained weight, fallen off the no-soda wagon in a huge way, set a record of the number of days between highlights and failed to schedule my mammogram for over a year. Even my kids are noticing my lack of self-care. When my pre-schooler drew a picture of me for Mother's Day this year he included my "black roots" in my "yellow hair."

Wade's version of me, dark roots and all.

It's amazing how fast it all happens. How easy it is to put yourself last on a list, become a cliche and find yourself apologizing in a dentist office chair.

"No need to say you are sorry," the hygienist told me.  "It happens. The most important thing is you are here now. It's never too late to put yourself a little higher on the list."  Then she put the paper bib on me and started cleaning my teeth.

That ultra-patient, brilliant hygienist is right. It's not too late. 

Sometimes I get overwhelmed and intimidated by all the Pinterest posts and hashtags about "self care" and getting healthier.  I feel like I need to train for a 1/2 marathon, buy all kinds of wraps, make homemade kale smoothies for every meal, read a classic novel, and soak in a bubble bath in order to call it "self care."  Which all makes me feel like a failure at "self care" and I go and eat shredded cheese out of the bag, drink diet coke and fall asleep watching The Real Housewives (without brushing my teeth!).  It's a vicious cycle.

But you know what else is on Pinterest? Optimistic quotes about picking yourself up when you mess up again and again.  So, loaded with inspirational quotes and the brilliant hygienist's kind words, I am making some changes and putting myself a little higher on the list.

Just like all the romantic comedies when the main character pulls herself together after a break-up, I am figuring it out. I am discovering that even small changes can make a big difference. Going to the dentist and making my mammogram appointment.  Waking up early and going for a jog.

Up with the sunrise to jog a few miles. I love feeling accomplished before 7 a.m.

Going to bed earlier. Laying off the shredded cheese. Letting go of the guilt for not getting it right all the time.  Letting go of feeling like a failure because I am not training for a 1/2 marathon. Embracing the fact that I enjoy The Real Housewives.  Putting my phone down during the day and not worrying because I am not responding to the thread on Facebook.  Going for a walk after dinner with my dogs. Laughing more. 

I am finding more ways to simplify taking care of myself and my health, like reading a chapter of my book while the kids are at practice. And finding products that make all this self care a little easier, for example the REACH® Complete Care™.  

REACH® Complete Care™ says their products keep proper oral care all within REACH by "streamlining and solving a busy mom's daily routine to ensure they maintain healthy smiles year-round." I love that. 
For more information about REACH® Complete Care™ click here- https://bit.ly/AllWithinREACH

The REACH® Complete Care™ Mouth Rinse also comes equipped with a toothbrush holder, which ensures the head of the toothbrush stays clear of any countertop bacteria. My rinse/toothbrush holder is set to the side to indicate to my large family that it is mine, all mine. I not only love the efficient design, I love that I have something of my own in this house.  The mouth rinse makes my teeth and my whole mouth feel cleaner and better. It is called an "8-in-1 rinse" which means it kills bad breath germs, helps prevent gingivitis, reduces plaque, fights tartar build-up, freshens breath and cleans your mouth. I seriously can't wait to tell my brilliant hygienist "friend" about this product.

It's the little things. It's brushing teeth and having my own space. It is not apologizing for any of it--not taking the time to take care of myself or the fact that I forgot to do it in the first place--but yet being accountable. 

I've got my back.

Self care, complete care, radical self care, having your own back...whatever you call it do it.  Put yourself higher on the list.

I received a REACH® product for free in order to facilitate this post, but all opinions are my own.