The Exhausting Business of Parenthood

I'm not really one of those people that collapses into bed.  I'm usually up too late writing, surfing, watching, overthinking, worrying, wondering...it's tough to turn my mind off.  I'm more of a toss and turn kind of gal.  But Sunday night, I collapsed into bed because last week and weekend wore me out.

It's so weird because it wasn't me meeting new teachers and being thrust into new classrooms to make new friends and do homework like the kids. It wasn't me that practiced football in the weird 90-degree weather last week like the boys or play in the games over the weekend.  

All I did was worry and love so hard I had zero energy on Sunday night.  Whether it was pep talks after school or watching every play from the bleachers, I put my all into it.  Then of course I stayed up a little bit late every night wondering, worrying, possibly overthinking...did I give the right advice? I should have said more about sticking up for yourself. Oh my gosh, she hates her freckles, how could she hate her freckles? Do I overpraise? I think I read something online about overpraising, oh shit, am I screwing them up? Don't even get me started on football and concussions, but they love it and there are good things about football, seriously.  woah, it's late, I need to sleep.

One of my favorite things about the boys playing football is watching them on the sidelines with their dad (who is also one of their coaches).

Back when the kids were babies I thought I knew what tired was, but woah, nope, no clue.  

Life--it ain't no game, unless you are playing the actual game of Life which my kids love.  I don't play it with them because I don't like the focus on money being what it's all about.

First of all, I was so much younger and I think that makes a difference. Back then my metabolism actually worked, I could have one glass of wine without feeling hungover the next day and I just didn't need as much sleep.  

Now, I'm older and slower and I have to go the doctor for things like "my hip hurts when it rains" and one glass of wine (or a Tylenol PM) gives me a mild hangover feeling the next morning. The real kicker is that no one in my house naps now that I finally see the value of sleep.  

Now that my kids are a little older they need me in different ways--there is a lot of talking.  Talking about meanings, intentions, injustices, politics (world and middle school), identity issues, pop culture, technology (this is basically me saying no to i-everything).  It is all negotiation and affirmation and encouragement and let's get real.  It is being there and being ready to stick to my guns or bend a little.  It is listening and watching and loving.

It also brings new kinds of deeper interactions and connections and joy.  I mean they can talk about politics (world and middle school), it's pretty cool.  They get jokes, and can tell them.  They're creating their own world view.

And hey, we can all go to the movie theater together now that they are older.  Woot. Woot.  Sure, Tim and I might have taken a quick nap during the movie but we were all together. 

I'm beyond grateful that I get to parent these four little beings with so many questions and intentions and world views.  I'm honored to help them on their journey and pray that I don't hold them back or screw them up too badly.  But shit, it's exhausting.  

So, yeah I collapsed into bed the other night.  I slept for almost 10 hours.  I woke up refreshed and ready to start a whole new week of worrying and loving and connecting and enjoying and possibly overthinking a little bit.

Just One of Them Days, What I Know for Sure & #iPPP

Yesterday was just one of them days that a girl goes through, as Monica circa 1995 would say.  But me circa 2013, I would say it more like this, it was just one of them days that a mom goes through.


(I LOVE this song. You should totally listen to this right now.)


You know the days where you're so tired you feel like you'll fall asleep standing up.  
You know the days when you feel like it's the whole world against you and by world I mean your kids.
You know the days where the stranger that works at the grocery store says something nice to you and you cry and then she's nicer and then you cry harder.

Yeah, it was one of those days.

That's my zoned-out, there's nothing left, taxi cab mom face. Ugh.

I'm exhausted.  Tim has worked a lot this week.  We got that damn puppy.  And we sprung ahead.  There are a million and fifty things that must be done, or that I want to be done.  There are opportunities to grab onto professionally.  There are moments not to be missed parentally.  There's a marriage to care for, a house to clean, emails to respond to (I am officially the worst responder, that's not a joke), homework to be checked, dinners to be made, friends to reach out to, shows to watch, kitchens to be danced in and that damn puppy to take outside.

And yesterday, it was too much.
I am not a quiet person nor someone who seeks quiet moments.  But yesterday, I needed five minutes, just five minutes of nothing.  Five minutes of calm.--no music, no noise, no needy kids or puppies or emails.  Just quiet.

That five minutes didn't come until 9 p.m., but it was so good.
I need more of those five minutes of nothing throughout my days, that I know for sure (this week).


Here's what else I know for sure (this week):

• I'm still in love with my blue piano.  My dad was here visiting last weekend from Pittsburgh and he played some of the songs I remember him playing when I was little.  It was awesome.

• Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon are sort of like the male versions of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, um awesome.  JustinTimberWeek on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon has been hilarious, even if I only watch some of the clips the next day because I can't stay up that late every night.

• Helping someone win $3,000 would be so nice to do.  Remember that contest I told you about?  No? Check it out here.  Someone's favorite babysitter could win $3,000, wouldn't that be amazing to help someone win?  Click on this link and go vote today! Vote for the best babysitter evah.

• It is hard work being a pre-schooler.  Sometimes at the end you want to chill with your feet up or with a good book like Wade.

• BabyLit Is the bomb.  I saw this on a pal's Facebook page and thought it was pretty awesome.  Click here for more info.

• My purse is my kids' wastebasket.  Discovered that while vlogging.  Check it out if you missed it.  And subscribe to my YouTube channel please!  I have a personal goal of 45 subscribers before BlissDom next week, because 45 sounds like a legit YouTuber, don't you think? No? Fine, it just gives me a little ego boost going into the land of vloggers w/thousands of subscribers at BlissDom next week.  

• Everyone should have a thank you song.  If you have 14 minutes to kill you should watch this video.  It's sweet and truly does make me want to sing to everyone that is special in my life.

What do you know for sure (this week)? C'mon, we're friends, share what you know.  Leave a comment here or on the Facebook page (hey and while you're there give the old FB page a like).

  Come play with me on Instagram @jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed.

Oh yeah, and come follow me on Twitter @AngelaYBlood and subscribe to my MomPulse YouTube channel here.

I'm linking up today with my friend Greta from  Gfunkified.com and Sarah at SundaySpill.com for the #iPPP link up.  They host a link up where they encourage people to share "your funny, your yummy, your heartfelt, your favorite photos of the week" from our phones. 

A Case of the Mondays

Mondays.  I f-ing love Mondays.

I always feel like I should get an award for getting through the weekends and making it to Monday.  Much like I used to feel like people should clap for me when I successfully loaded up two kids in the double stroller and made it to the park.  Or when I figured out how to use my BabyBjorn.  Sometimes I admit to looking around to see if anyone was there clapping for my amazing ordinary mothering moments.

I know it sounds awful that I say "getting through" my weekends. 

My husband, Tim, thought it would be a fun idea to make plastic bag shirts for the boys, so they could rip them off and pretend they're old school Hulk Hogan.  Yeah, great idea to teach my insane clown posse to play with plastic bags.  Just another  typical Friday evening around here.

Yes, getting through my weekends is exactly what I mean.  Besides the crazy wrestling games, somebody continually over schedules my family.  And yes, that somebody is me.

Zipping from hockey to baseball to gymnastics and cramming in hair cuts and dentist appointments to boot.  I want an award (or maybe I should be fired?).

Since no one is standing up to hand me a shiny gold medal, I have taken to rewarding myself.  Recently I've been rewarding myself with Nutella.  

I started out allowing myself the sweet indulgence spread onto four small gluten free animal cookies.  It was small jar of Nutella and dude, it's all natural, it's totally healthy.


Well I moved onto six cookies, then seven then simply dipping the cookies into the small jar.  Then I caved and bought the larger jar of Nutella.  I also moved onto finishing the bag of cookies.  Now I simply grab the large jar and a spoon and eat it like cereal.  It may sound excessive and gross, but it's not as weird as those people on TLC that eat toilet paper.


That's what I do to make myself feel better.  To make peace with my reward/excess/can't-quit-Nutella problem.  


My husband and I actually do this with everything.  


Some of these weekends make us wonder if we are sports crazy and pushing our kids too hard.  Then we meet Jane and Bob SportsFamily.  They tell us about the 15 out-of-state tournaments for their five kids.  They tell us how they are banking on college scholarships for their boys and maybe even the big leagues.  


Tim and I look at each other wink and know we are feeling way better about ourselves.  We are SO not crazy like Jane and Bob.


I know it's not right, right?  I shouldn't be dependent on other people for praise or comparisons to make myself feel better.  I shouldn't need Nutella to reward my weary soul.


The end.
Yup, that's the end.  I have no cute anecdote about how you should be okay with yourself and love yourself.  You should enjoy the weekends full of five million activities and love every second of it.  I will not write about how your kids will appreciate all that you do later.  This post will not include a feel good aw shucks moment.  Nope.


Here's my end: I am f-d up and need my Nutella (an award or round of applause wouldn't hurt either).  Hey it could be worse, at least I'm not like those people that need heroin to reward themselves, they are really f-d up.  


I love my kids, but they wear me out to the point that I fall asleep in public places.


"I want to master the art of sleeping without people knowing that I'm sleeping," I told my father after I marveled at his sleuth sleeping ability at my daughter's gymnastic class.


That's MY end.
Happy Monday. For all you tired ass mothers sleuth sleeping somewhere, I applaud you.


Sorry if this was a little harsh to start the week.  It could just be a "case of the Mondays."