The Exhausting Business of Parenthood

I'm not really one of those people that collapses into bed.  I'm usually up too late writing, surfing, watching, overthinking, worrying, wondering...it's tough to turn my mind off.  I'm more of a toss and turn kind of gal.  But Sunday night, I collapsed into bed because last week and weekend wore me out.

It's so weird because it wasn't me meeting new teachers and being thrust into new classrooms to make new friends and do homework like the kids. It wasn't me that practiced football in the weird 90-degree weather last week like the boys or play in the games over the weekend.  

All I did was worry and love so hard I had zero energy on Sunday night.  Whether it was pep talks after school or watching every play from the bleachers, I put my all into it.  Then of course I stayed up a little bit late every night wondering, worrying, possibly overthinking...did I give the right advice? I should have said more about sticking up for yourself. Oh my gosh, she hates her freckles, how could she hate her freckles? Do I overpraise? I think I read something online about overpraising, oh shit, am I screwing them up? Don't even get me started on football and concussions, but they love it and there are good things about football, seriously.  woah, it's late, I need to sleep.

One of my favorite things about the boys playing football is watching them on the sidelines with their dad (who is also one of their coaches).

Back when the kids were babies I thought I knew what tired was, but woah, nope, no clue.  

Life--it ain't no game, unless you are playing the actual game of Life which my kids love.  I don't play it with them because I don't like the focus on money being what it's all about.

First of all, I was so much younger and I think that makes a difference. Back then my metabolism actually worked, I could have one glass of wine without feeling hungover the next day and I just didn't need as much sleep.  

Now, I'm older and slower and I have to go the doctor for things like "my hip hurts when it rains" and one glass of wine (or a Tylenol PM) gives me a mild hangover feeling the next morning. The real kicker is that no one in my house naps now that I finally see the value of sleep.  

Now that my kids are a little older they need me in different ways--there is a lot of talking.  Talking about meanings, intentions, injustices, politics (world and middle school), identity issues, pop culture, technology (this is basically me saying no to i-everything).  It is all negotiation and affirmation and encouragement and let's get real.  It is being there and being ready to stick to my guns or bend a little.  It is listening and watching and loving.

It also brings new kinds of deeper interactions and connections and joy.  I mean they can talk about politics (world and middle school), it's pretty cool.  They get jokes, and can tell them.  They're creating their own world view.

And hey, we can all go to the movie theater together now that they are older.  Woot. Woot.  Sure, Tim and I might have taken a quick nap during the movie but we were all together. 

I'm beyond grateful that I get to parent these four little beings with so many questions and intentions and world views.  I'm honored to help them on their journey and pray that I don't hold them back or screw them up too badly.  But shit, it's exhausting.  

So, yeah I collapsed into bed the other night.  I slept for almost 10 hours.  I woke up refreshed and ready to start a whole new week of worrying and loving and connecting and enjoying and possibly overthinking a little bit.

These Are The Days

Time is going so fast.  Too fast.  So fast it's easy to miss so much. 

A little cheesy, but true.

This past weekend was another very busy, somewhat overscheduled weekend in our house.  Another weekend where Tim and I collapsed on the couch at the end of the day wondering when we'll ever not feel exhausted.  Worn out from the pace.  Worn out from the intensity of parenting.  Worn out from all the fun.

Dance party Friday night with a bunch of squealing girls and a couple rowdy boys. Holla!

I am always at the ready with my below average camera to capture EVERY moment.

Ice, ice baby.  Loving winter when the pond is frozen.
Free skating + fresh air= happiness.

JT lost his two front teeth biting his older brother while playing football. Yup.

A family that plays together just has a whole lot of fun together. Tim is really good at playing and I love him more for it.  Funny enough, the kids weren't even with him here. ( I'm kidding.)

Brilliant mind or total weirdo?  Not sure what the significance is of Wade constantly color coordinating everything, even his Skittles (on the floor in the gym at his brother's basketball game).

These are the days....

Our time is now....

Don't sweat the small stuff...

You get it. You get it right?

It's all going so fast. Don't miss the moments. 

Just like my new favorite shirt says:

From Old Navy, of course.

Tired

I'm so tired my teeth hurt.
I'm so tired, I don't feel like watching TV (shocking, but true).
I'm so tired I wish I could check into the hospital for exhaustion like a celebrity.
I'm so tired...well, you get it.  


Summer is kicking my ass.  I thought tired was having newborns or fussy infants, but I was wrong.  Tired is four kids home all day, all summer.  It's fun, but god damn it's tiring.


There have been several nights lately where I walk around crying and muttering to myself like a scary homeless lady.  Or I'm like a toddler with a last crazy burst of wonky energy and then bam, I'm fast asleep curled up in the fetal position in bed.

The days are long, but go so fast.


The kids are adorable, but not wearing out as fast as they used to when they were smaller.


Swimming, baseball, play dates, kickball, wrestling, fishing, practice, make-believe, dress-up, potty-training, making meals, disciplining and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. (You should read this to the tune of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" to make it sound less whiny.) 


I usually end up crying like that crazy lady because after all that cleaning, the house is still a disaster. Waaaaa.


Just in case you forgot the tune of that old Billy Joel tune, here you go...



Pretty soon, I'm going to have to make believe I have some crazy magic ninja energy powers.  Because did I mention I'm tired?  

The ninja costume never gets old here at our house.  Here's JT fighting off his enemies the other morning.

The raunchy, but oh so funny comedian Louis C.K. can do a very good impression of me muttering after a long day with my kids.  Seriously, it is exactly what I look like.  And his take on the difference between girls and boys is funny and probably pretty accurate.  If you don't like swearing, don't bother watching the clip.  If you like to laugh, watch the clip.

I Need To Pace Myself

Summer slow down? Not my family.

 

Summer is amazing.  

I love the fact that you can ride your bike down to the park, swing, skip rocks in the river and have a picnic anytime.  Bare feet, extra hours of daylight, sunshine, swimming pools, boat rides, baseball, lemonade stands.  

How cute is their sign?  My kids and the neighbor kids worked hard and made almost $17 at their lemonade stand.  They are saving up to buy wood to build a club house.  

It's all good.


The only problem?  My kids do not get tired.  They keep going and going and going like god damn little Energizer bunnies.  As long as there is daylight, they will keep looking for fun.  And sometimes even when the sun goes down.

How tired does Tim look?  The kids? Not so much.  They keep going and going and going.

Even a quick trip to the grocery store is an exhausting adventure (for me).

I need to pace myself (um, I am the only one sleeping here, the kids were sooooo awake).

Grief is Strange

I'm still tired.  Too tired to tweet.  Too tired to watch the whole Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion show on my dvr.  


The kids are tired too. Tired from staying up late because of anxiety and excitement.  Tired of looking for clothes and remembering new routines.  Every time Lucy gets out of the car she still goes to the wrong house.  


This was JT tonight after school, he fell asleep before dinner on his floor.  And the saddest part was, I was jealous and wished I could fall asleep on the floor too.

But there are other reasons I am tired.  A friend died this week.  She was battling cancer so it wasn't a surprise, but I am still in shock.


There are so many things I am feeling.  Grief is strange.  


This friend was a mentor, teacher, mother figure to me.  We hadn't been as close the last year of her life and that fills me with, well, a lot of feelings.  Grief is strange.

One of my friend's favorite words was JOY.  
Here's a one of my favorite songs about being joyful.

If you have a few minutes and you were a fan of Wonder Years, watch this.  You'll probably remember this episode where Kevin's teacher dies.  It's just five minutes of the episode, but my friend reminded me of the teacher (tough, but loving; and I was always looking for approval until I wasn't) and I again sadly relate so much to the naive seventh grade boy (ugh, but lol, see very mature with the lol, whatever).

A Hot Date with 20/20

I have never seen an entire episode of 20/20.  Years ago (and I am talking years), I would stumble in my apartment after a great happy hour (s) and flop on my couch.  Usually it was about half-way through a good episode of 20/20 when the effects of a long work week and a large amount of alcohol would send me drifting into dreamland.


Back then I didn't even care what was on 20/20.  Now I actually find the stories interesting and engaging, but I still fall asleep halfway through.  Minus the happy hour and alcohol.  You see now, I am just tired and getting old (the first clue was finding 20/20 interesting).


By Friday my eye overhang is taking over.  What is eye overhang you ask?  It is a genetic problem...I am a little upper lid heavy.
For years I have been addicted to my eyelash curler, I don't leave home without it, and swear it helps me stay awake (helps keep those upper lids up).  

Love how Wade takes his pacifier out to try and use the eyelash curler.

Of course I turn to pop culture to ease my insecurity about such vanity issues. 


Diane Keaton is an example of cool older woman eye overhang.  I feel good seeing her onscreen and of course she just happens to be in some of my favorite movies---"Annie Hall" (pre-saggy eyes), "Father of the Bride" (1 and 2), "Hanging Up" and "The Family Stone."  

But then I was watching "Dolphin Tail" with my kids a few weeks ago and got a good look at what scary saggy eyes can look like....on Kris Kristofferson.  Of course, since he is a man he can still seem cool.  Even though he can barely open his eyes. 

Another sign that I am getting old?  Asking a good buddy to be my safe ride home from an upcoming medical procedure.  A scope for digestive issues nonetheless.  I mean the last time I was asking for a safe ride or a driver was back in college when I was planning on drinking too much and having too much fun.  


Don't get me wrong, yes I am feeling older, but in a lot of ways, I am so much healthier than years ago. I run, eat healthy, don't drink that much and take good care of myself.  But I am indeed tired (especially on a Friday night).


I went to the doctor last year convinced I had a thyroid or hormonal problem because I was so damn tired (and I checked off everything on a Dr. Oz show checklist for thyroid problems).  After several tests and doctor visits and everything was ruled out, my doctor looked at me and said, "You have four little kids and your husband works a lot, that's your diagnosis.  You are simply tired from life."


Isn't there a pill for that?


For now, my goal is to stay up on Friday night and actually hang out with my husband.  Maybe we'll skip 20/20 and watch a movie.  Maybe one we've seen before just in case we both fall asleep.


Not 40 quite yet, but this is a VERY funny video about getting older and turning 40. LOVE IT!

Even though I didn't stay up to watch it live, Jimmy Kimmel made me laugh with this (even though it is kind of mean):