The Brother Phenomenon/Force

When one brother plays baseball, they all play want to play baseball.  When one brother likes a certain video game, they all want to find out what that video game is all about. It's a brother phenomenon, or something like the force from Star Wars.  

My three boys are all individuals with their own interests and personalities, but they are also part of this brother phenomenon/force.  It's so interesting to watch the little brothers imitating and wanting to be like the big brothers.  

My boys share a room, sports equipment and very busy lives. The little boys are always watching the older brothers.  

"With all of this comes great responsibility," I told my oldest son the other day, sounding sort of like Master Yoda from The Empire Strikes Back.

The youngest and the oldest brother.

My oldest is responsible and smart and kind. He is also a bit quiet and sometimes uncertain of himself. Think Luke Skywalker.

If I were to compare my younger sons to characters from Star Wars, I honestly might say they are like Han Solo and Chewbacca (or "Chewie").  All bravado and confidence and good times. They are also loyal and loving and funny.



The little brothers are becoming more and more like a package deal lately.  Wade is the bat boy for JT's baseball team. JT is proud of him and Wade is elated to be included. 

Everything they do is a competition.  "I'll beat you to the front door," one of them always says when they get out of the car.  They play hard together and they fight big too. 

Peyton, the oldest brother, looked at this picture and said "what are you going to do when these two are teenagers and I am in college?" Even he understands these two
are going to take us on a wild ride.

More and more I see that my job as the Master Yoda in all this is to try to teach them to use the force for good. I have to learn to sit back and let them make mistakes. Ahhhhh. I need to give them tools to help them on their journey.  Sure I can't teach my boys how to levitate an X-Wing Fighter out of Degobah swamp, but I can teach them some things. I can teach them to be kind and supportive of each other. I can teach them to use their competitiveness in positive ways.  

It's the little things, it's the big things, it's everything.

Last week, the little boys got new toothbrushes and even that turned into a competition.  There was a little pushing in front of the sink and some harsh words were spoken. But just like Yoda, I walked into the bathroom and told them in a wise, calm voice to "push the buttons on the toothbrushes and be quiet and wait and to listen." 

Their new Firefly® Star Wars toothbrushes are shaped like light sabers and when you push the buttons they make sounds like in a light saber battle and say things like "the force is with you."  My boys were/are extremely impressed.

Wade, who is in preschool, especially loved his new toothbrush and has even made a chart to keep track of how often he brushes his teeth. No more bribing my kids to get them to brush. The toothbrushes are extremely affordable and ADA-approved.

Not only were they impressed, they brushed their teeth without a real battle (with each other or me). Even the biggest brother thought their new toothbrushes were pretty cool. He looked into the bathroom and gave them an approving Skywalker-like nod. The little boys stood up a little straighter after that and brushed with pride and brotherly love.

So like I said, it may not be a lesson in mind control or levitation, but it matters. It's all a part of the bigger picture.  It all matters as we teach our little Padawans to take care of themselves and each other and to use the brother phenomenon/force for good.

You know what else is good? Winning a trip to California. Yup, it's the #BrushBattle Sweepstakes from the folks at Firefly. Click here http://bit.ly/FireflyBrushBattle for a chance to enter to win a trip for four to an "awesome theme park" in California.  Good luck and may the force be with you!


Firefly® is a leader in Children's Oral Care solutions and the inventor of the Ready Go Brush. The toothbrushes are really fun and come in other popular characters such as Angry Birds, Hello Kitty, Marvel and more. The toothbrushes have interacting flashing lights and 60-second timers that help teach kids healthy habits that will last a lifetime.

I participated in this sponsored campaign on behalf of Firefly® and One2One Network. All opinions stated are my own.

Star Wars--A Guide To Parenting Teenagers

For the past few weeks we have been watching ALL of the Star Wars movies.  It has been so fun to see my children's reactions to the older movies.  It's also been fun to reminisce about the Star Wars toys that my brother and I had when we were little--the action figures, the trash compactor with the little foam pieces that were supposed to be the galactic garbage, THE Millennium Falcon.  

The old Star Wars movies were our childhood.  Our games revolved around battling the Death Star, trying to perfect our Darth Vader voice, my sister was Princess Lea for a couple Halloweens, girls in my classes picked who was cuter Luke or Han (totally Han, duh), we had Star Wars glasses and blankets, etc.

So, it's funny to see my kids reenact Star Wars scenes and analyze the relationship between Luke and his sister and their father.

As I rewatch the classics and the newer movies, I am watching them through the eyes (and heart) of a mother.  I am realizing that this galaxy far, far away sounds a lot like my life right now.

Let me break it down for you...

We parents are the Jedis in this giant oh so imperfect galaxy. We are trying to teach our young ones all of our tricks for navigating the world and to be able to fight off the dark side (and by dark side I mean anything and everything that can go wrong during teenagehood).  

Photo Source

Here are some of the parenting of teenagers lessons/insights I got from the Star Wars movies:

I want to be my kids Obi-Wan Kenobi. 
Whenever young Luke Skywalker is in trouble or unsure, he calls out for "Ben!" and asks for guidance.  Then Ben or Obi-Wan Kenobi's spirit appears and says something haunting like "use the force."  When my teens are out at party and deciding whether or not to take that drink or cave to peer pressure, I want them to call out "Mom" and hear my haunting voice telling them "I will take away your car keys for months" or "remember who you are young Jedi."  Yes, I want to haunt my kids.

May the force be with them. I want the force--the unconditional love of our family and the belief that they can do great things--to be with them, always.

The Han Solos can surprise you. A parenting mentor once told me she always hoped the good in her kids would rub off on the kids that weren't so good. Just like how Luke believed there was good in his father, I believe there is good in most people. I hope that the good in my kids will rub off on others. Look at Han Solo, he was a smuggler, a "bad" guy who hung out in creepy bars, but with a little kindness from Luke and the gang, he turned out to be quite a hero.

Respect the elders. Right? Luke always gave huge props and respect to Ben and Yoda. I'm going to start demanding the same from my kids. "Show respect you will," I will calmly tell them.

Work hard and practice, and lift that ship. It took years for Luke to be ready to confront Darth Vader. Remember the training sessions in the swamp? He got down on himself when he couldn't lift the ship and then little Yoda was all like oh watch how it's done young one. Good teachers and coaches make a huge difference. And patience. It's hard to watch my kids struggle and fail, but when one of my kids finally lifts the ship, the crowd goes wild.

Don't step out of line. When one of the men in Vader's army gets out of line, he does that choking trick. I don't have that crazy power in real life, but I get a similar result with one of my "you better shut your mouth, I am totally serious and pissed" looks I give them.

It's hard to be a young Jedi. Being a young Jedi or a young teenager is hard. Both are all hot-headed and brave and totally clueless and ready for a fight and want to be loved and want to be cool and have the best light saber.  

It's hard to be an old Jedi. Sure being a Jedi master or a parent, we know more and have more tricks.  But we also are more vulnerable and worried because with great knowledge comes being totally aware of the scary shit that's in the dark side (the wrong crowd, drugs, drinking, etc).

Have faith. Believe, have faith. Even when it gets really hard.  Even when your teenagers are yelling "I hate you" like Anakin does to Obi-Wan as he's drowning in the lava in the final prequel Revenge of the Sith.  As a parent (or an old Jedi) we just have to let go and have a little faith that the young Jedis (teenagers) will remember all the lessons we taught them, all the unconditional love that we have for them and stay far far away from the dark side.

I stand in allegiance with all you old Jedi masters who are teaching young Jedis right now.  Fist bumps and high fives of support.  Keep on keeping on and may the force be with all of you.

When my kids graduate from high school or college, this is the scene that I will think about.  Maybe I will even cue up the music and play it at their graduation parties.  Good idea I think that is. 

(Click here to watch the video.)