Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Four Years Ago

Four years ago I started this blog. Four years ago I was looking for a place to express myself and practice my writing and get some creative discipline.  Four years ago my life was so different but yet so much the same.  

I got into this whole blogging thing to sort of light my creative fire and rediscover who I was outside of being a mother to young kids. I was in the process of trying to build a video editing business and thought the blog would be a good place to build some sort of online following or be a good place to share my videos.  I thought the blog would phase out once I started making money editing video and then when Wade went to kindergarten I would be able to work full-time at my very own video business.  Well, that isn't exactly how it's gone.

Blogging did indeed light a creative fire.  It also became a way to document my sweet family and work out some shit I needed to work out.  Over the past four years, writing consistently and sharing stories and pictures and videos and my life has helped me become more honest, more myself.  It has led me down a path to raw authenticity.  It has taught me how to connect through storytelling.  It has introduced me to people that I rely on and love.  It has steered me toward opportunities to write and get paid, to travel, to learn, to grow, to discover my love of the stage, to win awards, to better understand so much and to become an advocate.

I've written about some heavy topics over the years like mental illness, my miscarriages, ADHD, addiction, anxiety and so damn much about my complicated relationship with my mother.  I mean looking back I feel a little bit like Meredith Grey on Grey's Anatomy...the same storyline over and over....she's broken, I'm broken, we get it already. Ahhhhh. But that's the thing about recurring story lines, they are relatable because man, some stuff is hard to shake and it plays such a huge role in shaping us as people and mother people and well, what I'm saying is, I will for sure write more posts about my mother. I just will, because it's complicated.

It was easier to be funny about the kid stuff in the early years of my blog because they were so little. They were funnier and I could write about them without worrying about what they think or if they worry about what their friends think.  You better believe my kids are saying some funny shit now, but they are older and I can't write about a lot of it. They have their own lives and they need to tell their own stories. But after they turn 18 and move out maybe I can write about some of it then...maybe I'll still be blogging in 15 years, who knows?

It was also easier to find time to write when the kids were little, and I was younger. I used to write during JT and Wade's naptimes and now of course, no one naps! I used to stay up late and write, like really late, like 2 a.m. late. Now I can only do that about once a week because I'm older and I can't drink as much or stay up as late as I used to without major exhaustion consequences.  

Four years ago I started this blog and I named it Jumping With My Fingers Crossed. In my very first blog post ever I explained why I chose that name and I referenced a story about Lucy jumping:

Last fall she was standing on top of a very high playground structure.  I told her she better not jump and that it wasn't safe, she might get hurt.  She replied "I might not."  And with that she closed her eyes, crossed her fingers and jumped.  After sticking her landing she turned to me and said "see, told ya."
A little bratty? yes.  A little gutsy? yes.  

So here it goes. I am jumping with my fingers crossed.
Maybe I will have something to say. And maybe I will have someone that reads it.

Four years ago, I had no idea what it would all look like--getting older, facing fears, all the beautiful, heart-crushingly sweet moments with my children, the hilarious parts of life, the ironic parts, the never-ending saga with my mother, the trips we would take, how much I would love Instagram, how cool it is to have older kids, how I miss having toddlers, that I would get two dogs, that Tim and I would be even more in love, that we would have to short-sell our home, that my friend would lose her battle with cancer, that I would co produce a storytelling show, that I would wear an old prom dress on stage in a rock concert venue in Detroit, that I would stop wearing high heels except for a rare special event, that streaming TV would bring me more joy than Tivo and that I would still be writing a blog and so much more. 

None of us really have any idea, all we can do is cross our fingers and jump into life.  I'm going to keep jumping in and keep writing and sharing and connecting and learning and loving.

Looking back through some of the almost 900 blog posts, I can't believe how much older they/we all look. 
Lucy circa 2011
Wade circa 2011
Oh my god! Wade and JT in a wheelbarrow in 2011! Ahhhhhh!
Lucy and Peyton would never pose for pictures like this in these shirts now that they are super cool teenagers.

One of my all-time favorite pictures of Peyton and me
(circa 2011).

Baby Wade. Now I'm crying, I can't believe he was just a baby!!!!

Whoa, four years ago this was my life...toddlers and little kids and...I'm about to be one of those ladies that says "you blink and they grow up." Ahhhhh! But those ladies are right.

Here are some of the more insightful things I've written. Just kidding they are some of the most ridiculous/funny/weird things....

Peter Pan is a dick......As I was listening to my kids watch "Peter Pan," which I have "watched" a million times, I hear Peter say to the sweet Wendy "girls talk too much" and then laugh his tiny little head off when Tinker Bell was saying Wendy was ugly.  Then Wendy still goes to Neverland with him?  Seriously?  No wonder our girls (and women) are so confused about life.

Me being tired like Woody circa 2012.

Then Tim sent me a text.  A mushy, we'll get through whatever we have to kind of text.  It was the poetry and romance of the ordinary moment that I love, that I need.  A reminder that even though we don't have any answers and life is full of stupid funks and that our happily ever after looks different than other people's and we will never be good with money (we would be those assholes that screw up winning the MegaMillions jackpot) and JoAnn Fabrics may never hire me, we're together and we're in love.  We will ride off into the sunset in our minivan with no clue where we are going and get lost together.


  1. I am so grateful Lucy jumped and that you followed. Your words and presence are such a gift to the world, to your community off and online, to your friends (like me, yay!) <3

  2. I love you, your blog, your words, your stories. Happy Blog Birthday!

  3. Happy four years!! I loved this look back and seeing all the growth from your beginnings until now. I didn't know the story of your blog title and now I will never forget it. Love it.

  4. Love reminiscing with you and that I found YOU and your blog! I love catching up with you and your family here! Always something to take away from your words! Hope you keep writing! Happy blog anniversary! :)

  5. Happy 4 Years! You're old school now ;)
    What a fun way to celebrate!