Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Anxiety in Fake Bavaria

We went away this past weekend.  It felt like we sort of went back in time.  We traveled to a small town in mid-Michigan which just happens to be a sister city of a small town in Germany, and they take that shit very seriously.  This small town in mid-Michigan replicated their Bavarian sibling's charm the best they could without the mountains or hills to sing on top of like Maria from The Sound of Music.  

We were there for a baseball tournament for Peyton and JT, but decided to make it a pre-summer weekend getaway for the whole family.  

After a sunny Friday evening however, the skies opened up over our fake Bavarian village and it didn't stop raining the entire weekend.  Not a lot of baseball, but a lot of the fake Bavarian hotel. 

So yeah, we spent 48 hours inside a fake Bavarian hotel that hasn't been updated since 1983 except for the indoor pool and the arcade in the basement.  And yeah, not only did we survive, we left laughing and loving each other more because seriously nothing in the world ever beats a waiter in a traditional Bavarian costume serving you and the love of your life and all your kids gluten-free pizza while the cover band next door is singing Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings songs all night long. 

I'm not even kidding I love this kitschy Bavarian shit mixed with Americana at it's finest (Willie and Waylon, I mean, right?!). And I love my family. But it did kind of feel like the backdrop of an Indie flick that would be a total hit at Sundance.

In all honesty, it was quirky and fun but there were parts of the weekend that I didn't like at all--indoor water parks, year-round Christmas and outlet malls.  

Indoor water parks are my nightmare.  I hate them with a passion.  I love swimming and I will stay all day long at an outdoor water park, but I seriously can't stand when you bring it indoors.  I feel stifled by the dome, the chlorine in the air.  Not to mention, my kid just had a pretty scary injury and I'm riddled with anxiety and fear about slipping and falling anywhere and everywhere.  
My kids flipped out over the arcade. We literally could have spent $1,000 on tokens for them, I mean if we had $1,000.
The arcade was sort of a training ground for Vegas...all sensory overload and impulse control challenging. 

And yeah, Christmas is okay once a year but even then I battle demons and expectations that are way too high.  This particular town is not only famous for their Bavarian experience but also a year-round Christmas store.  Year-round Christmas is sort of my nightmare.

Outlet malls are also my nightmare.  I hate shopping.  I hate looking for a deal. I hate it because I suck at it.  I admire all  you deal-finder-shopping-loving people. I'm just jealous.

If this were an Indie flick at Sundance, there would be a couple crucial scenes-- for sure the one with the slightly depressed man in the Bavarian costume, but also the one where I'm reluctantly shopping with my tween daughter at the outlet to try to relate with her and maybe even the one where Tim and I fought about money and scheduling outside our room while a wedding was taking place by the indoor pool. "The irony is killing me," I told him. 

You see as we were locked indoors on this fake Bavarian holiday, I was battling crippling anxiety. After watching Peyton suffer a severe concussion and Tim deal with so much death at work, I was afraid. I am afraid.  Life can be fucking scary and loving people in this life and not wanting them to get hurt makes it scarier.  Nobody is safe. Concussions happen at school, car accidents happen, shit happens to everyone everywhere. It was and is too much.

There I was in the middle of a fake Bavarian resort full of fake flowers and the smell of stale cigarette smoke (a smell that simply couldn't be cleaned from a million years of smokers) and semi-depressed employees from a small town dressed in traditional Bavarian costumes and I was trying to come to terms with life and my anxiety and it was all incredibly surreal and funny and hilarious and I ended up laughing through my tears.  Because seriously nothing in the world ever beats a waiter in a traditional Bavarian costume serving you and the love of your life and all your kids gluten-free pizza while the cover band next door is singing Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings songs all night long. 


  1. We stayed there for a cheerleading competition one year, and things look pretty much the same. Since I am attending a 20 year reunion this year, that's kind of scary. I am so sorry about the anxiety, but so glad you have Tim to help you find the laughter through the tears. xoxo

  2. Umm is this Frankemuth??
    Am I giving you away by naming this town??
    I used to live in Ohio and we would go on getaways to that state up north and that is one of my favorite little towns.
    Only it was kind of cool and creepy and the same time.
    Except for Zehnder's Chicken.
    And that kick ass Christmas store.
    I said Ass and Christmas in the same line.