A Messy, Colorful Start (A Pinterest Poser Challenge)

Summer vacation has begun and even though the weather has been pretty eh and my kids are so busy that I haven't seen them that much, I did find time to get crafty and not be such a poser.  

It's been pretty rainy here, but a couple days ago in between rain spells we made chalk paint and decorated our sidewalks and then danced in the rain on the artwork. 

This week's Pinterest Poser Challenge* is a messy one, but a fun one. 

*In an attempt at not being a Pinterest Poser,** every week-ish I detail a new project/idea/recipe inspired by Pinterest.
**My definition of a Pinterest Poser is someone who is all pins and no substance.

It's a very simple and cheap project, and if you don't mind a little bit of a mess you just might love this.  All you need is corn starch, water and food coloring.

Mix together equal parts corn starch and water until a thick "chalky" paint forms. It's hard to stir and gets very thick, I had to take over the stirring job for a couple of the kids.  Add the food coloring and then you are done.  

My kids (Wade, Lucy and her buddy Caroline) had fun mixing the food coloring and making new colors.  They pretended they were witches and wizards making potions (that game continued for the rest of the day, even after we were done painting).

We mixed our colors inside because it was raining, but I might advise mixing them outside on the grass if you prefer less mess in your kitchen.

Then the kids went wild with their own designs on the sidewalk--polka dots, sunshine and more.  The paint dried brighter than when it first went on and that was fun. 

After the kids finished their designs, the rain started again and they danced and played all around and on their artwork.

 I originally pinned this project from one of my favorite bloggers that I've followed for years Meg Duerksen.Click here to check her post out.

This was the perfect project to kick off summer vacation with the kids and embrace things I love--make believe, self-expression, art, making the world a more colorful, happy place and getting messy.

How is your summer going so far? Have you made anything inspired by Pinterest lately? Let me know in the comments or over on my Facebook page.

Come follow me on Pinterest (click here).

Here are some of the Pinterest projects I've done/made/attempted:

A Flower Crown- click here

The Rainbow Challenge- click here

DIY Trundle Bed- Click here

DIY Artemis Costume- click here

Taking Pictures of Your Kids- click here

Gluten Free Pretzels- click here

Cinnamon Sugar Doughballs- click here

Painted Lockers- click here

Melted Beads- DIY Suncatcher- click here

Tissue Paper Pom Pom Garland-- click here

A Delightfully Simple Birthday Party--click here
Make An Awesome Omelet--click here
Outdoor Lights Inspired by the show Parenthood- click here
Herb Garden with Chalkboard Pots- click here
Backyard Graffiti Art with kids- click here

Happiness Notecards- click here

Gluten Free Rainbow Cake- click here

Fruit Roll-Up Fortune Cookies- click here

Make Your Own Magnets- click here

DIY Painted Clay Necklace- click here

Dixie Cup Lights- click here

DIY Ornaments-click here

Gluten Free Clay- click here

Make Your Own Stamps- click here
Birthday Shirt- click here

Gluten Free Pop Tarts- click here
Front Porch Kid Art Display- click here
Door turned into Table- click here

Summer Wish List Chalkboard-click here

Peanut Butter Nutella Cookie Sandwiches-click here

Painted Mason Jar Vases-click here

Cinco de Mayo Paper Flowers- click here

Earth Day Cupcakes- Click here
Nail Art-click here

Homemade Photo Booth Fun- click here

Fake Bangs- click here

DIY Subway Art- click here

Furniture Painting and Bench/Chest Makeover- click here

Thanksgiving-y Project/Gratitude/Holiday Countdown- click here
The Smoothie-click here

The Free Printable Turned Artwork in a Boring Hallway- click here

The chalk board-click here
Seven Layer Dip in Individual Cups (my favorite so far!)-click here
The pumpkin address-click hereThe Kitchen Dancing Sign--click here

Four Years Ago

Four years ago I started this blog. Four years ago I was looking for a place to express myself and practice my writing and get some creative discipline.  Four years ago my life was so different but yet so much the same.  

I got into this whole blogging thing to sort of light my creative fire and rediscover who I was outside of being a mother to young kids. I was in the process of trying to build a video editing business and thought the blog would be a good place to build some sort of online following or be a good place to share my videos.  I thought the blog would phase out once I started making money editing video and then when Wade went to kindergarten I would be able to work full-time at my very own video business.  Well, that isn't exactly how it's gone.

Blogging did indeed light a creative fire.  It also became a way to document my sweet family and work out some shit I needed to work out.  Over the past four years, writing consistently and sharing stories and pictures and videos and my life has helped me become more honest, more myself.  It has led me down a path to raw authenticity.  It has taught me how to connect through storytelling.  It has introduced me to people that I rely on and love.  It has steered me toward opportunities to write and get paid, to travel, to learn, to grow, to discover my love of the stage, to win awards, to better understand so much and to become an advocate.

I've written about some heavy topics over the years like mental illness, my miscarriages, ADHD, addiction, anxiety and so damn much about my complicated relationship with my mother.  I mean looking back I feel a little bit like Meredith Grey on Grey's Anatomy...the same storyline over and over....she's broken, I'm broken, we get it already. Ahhhhh. But that's the thing about recurring story lines, they are relatable because man, some stuff is hard to shake and it plays such a huge role in shaping us as people and mother people and well, what I'm saying is, I will for sure write more posts about my mother. I just will, because it's complicated.

It was easier to be funny about the kid stuff in the early years of my blog because they were so little. They were funnier and I could write about them without worrying about what they think or if they worry about what their friends think.  You better believe my kids are saying some funny shit now, but they are older and I can't write about a lot of it. They have their own lives and they need to tell their own stories. But after they turn 18 and move out maybe I can write about some of it then...maybe I'll still be blogging in 15 years, who knows?

It was also easier to find time to write when the kids were little, and I was younger. I used to write during JT and Wade's naptimes and now of course, no one naps! I used to stay up late and write, like really late, like 2 a.m. late. Now I can only do that about once a week because I'm older and I can't drink as much or stay up as late as I used to without major exhaustion consequences.  

Four years ago I started this blog and I named it Jumping With My Fingers Crossed. In my very first blog post ever I explained why I chose that name and I referenced a story about Lucy jumping:

Last fall she was standing on top of a very high playground structure.  I told her she better not jump and that it wasn't safe, she might get hurt.  She replied "I might not."  And with that she closed her eyes, crossed her fingers and jumped.  After sticking her landing she turned to me and said "see, told ya."
A little bratty? yes.  A little gutsy? yes.  

So here it goes. I am jumping with my fingers crossed.
Maybe I will have something to say. And maybe I will have someone that reads it.

Four years ago, I had no idea what it would all look like--getting older, facing fears, all the beautiful, heart-crushingly sweet moments with my children, the hilarious parts of life, the ironic parts, the never-ending saga with my mother, the trips we would take, how much I would love Instagram, how cool it is to have older kids, how I miss having toddlers, that I would get two dogs, that Tim and I would be even more in love, that we would have to short-sell our home, that my friend would lose her battle with cancer, that I would co produce a storytelling show, that I would wear an old prom dress on stage in a rock concert venue in Detroit, that I would stop wearing high heels except for a rare special event, that streaming TV would bring me more joy than Tivo and that I would still be writing a blog and so much more. 

None of us really have any idea, all we can do is cross our fingers and jump into life.  I'm going to keep jumping in and keep writing and sharing and connecting and learning and loving.

Looking back through some of the almost 900 blog posts, I can't believe how much older they/we all look. 

Lucy circa 2011

Wade circa 2011

Oh my god! Wade and JT in a wheelbarrow in 2011! Ahhhhhh!

Lucy and Peyton would never pose for pictures like this in these shirts now that they are super cool teenagers.

One of my all-time favorite pictures of Peyton and me
(circa 2011).

Baby Wade. Now I'm crying, I can't believe he was just a baby!!!!

Whoa, four years ago this was my life...toddlers and little kids and...I'm about to be one of those ladies that says "you blink and they grow up." Ahhhhh! But those ladies are right.

Here are some of the more insightful things I've written. Just kidding they are some of the most ridiculous/funny/weird things....

• The post where I say the F word A LOT as a way of coping in the hospital after my mom broke her neck. Click here to revisit that fun.

Peter Pan is a dick......As I was listening to my kids watch "Peter Pan," which I have "watched" a million times, I hear Peter say to the sweet Wendy "girls talk too much" and then laugh his tiny little head off when Tinker Bell was saying Wendy was ugly.  Then Wendy still goes to Neverland with him?  Seriously?  No wonder our girls (and women) are so confused about life.

• The post where I totally kept my cool after one of my kids broke their arm picking strawberries. Yup, picking strawberries. Click here to figure out how the fuck that happened.

• I've written A LOT over the years about being tired. Really, really tired. Click here for one of the 345 posts devoted to being tired. 

Me being tired like Woody circa 2012.

Then Tim sent me a text.  A mushy, we'll get through whatever we have to kind of text.  It was the poetry and romance of the ordinary moment that I love, that I need.  A reminder that even though we don't have any answers and life is full of stupid funks and that our happily ever after looks different than other people's and we will never be good with money (we would be those assholes that screw up winning the MegaMillions jackpot) and JoAnn Fabrics may never hire me, we're together and we're in love.  We will ride off into the sunset in our minivan with no clue where we are going and get lost together.

• Honestly, I've written some sweet stuff about Tim and me and our life. I'm actually pretty damn proud of this blog and our messy, beautiful family. Click here for one of my favorite posts about Tim and me.

Summer Vacation Has Begun

Summer vacation has begun!  All four kids are home and I love it. The weather stunk this weekend, but whenever we could we got outside. We are playing and laughing and bickering and laughing some more. I am having fun capturing all of it on my new fancy camera that I am slowly learning to use.  Here's a few shots from the past few days...

Sparklers Forever and What I Know For Sure

When I was a kid I watched an episode of the Brady Bunch that stuck with me. I mean a lot of those episodes stuck with me and I can recall most of them rather quickly. But one episode that I thought of every year around my birthday was the episode when Alice made Peter Brady a cake with sparklers. Sparklers! I always wanted a cake with sparklers. I never got a cake with sparklers.  I am not sure I ever told anyone that I wanted it.  Last year when I turned 40, I finally got that cake with sparklers because I made the cake, bought the sparklers and had my family gather around and celebrate me.

It was all sort of symbolic for finding my voice, telling the world what I wanted and taking charge and making it happen. Boosh.

But yesterday I decided it didn't have to be a special because you are 40 milestone type of one time only sparklers on your cake. Yesterday I decided I shall put sparklers on my birthday cakes every birthday for the rest of my life.  

Because sparklers remind me to find my voice, tell the world and take charge throughout the year. Because I love sparklers and because I want to celebrate life, I know that for sure.

Here's what else I know for sure right now:

• Love is your husband using layaway to get the expensive fancy camera you've wanted for forever.  And him saying he got it because "you need to be creative." As Oprah would say I think he totally "sees me."

• Let's here it for Dads. It's almost Father's Day and I LOVE, like really really LOVE, this commercial from Omaha Steaks.  It.Is.So.Good.

(Click here to watch the video.)

• Time is just crazy. Today is Lucy's last day of elementary school. It went so fast. Waaaa. But so proud and it's so cute and she's turning into such a cool tween/teen. But still waaaaa.

It's the last day of elementary school for Lucy today. But first, a look back at all of her elementary school first days Ahhhh! Tiiiiime! I love the tween almost teen she's becoming and am so proud of her. I'm interested, anxious, excited to see what's next. But now it's off to fifth grade graduation this morning! #superlucy #graduation #flashbackfriday

A video posted by Angela Youngblood (@jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed) on Jun 12, 2015 at 4:33am PDT

• I am obsessed with the NBA Finals. The games have been so good. The stories, the players, the defense...it's all good. I haven't watched the NBA in a decade, but I am LOVING these finals.

What do YOU know for sure this week?  Tell me here or over on my Facebook page.  And while you're clicking head on over and  play with me on Instagram (@JumpingWithMyFingersCrossed).

Being Over 40

Today I am officially over 40. That's right, today I'm 41. Last year I celebrated the big 4-0 with great gusto. I loved everything about turning 40. I was all I own my age and wrinkles and pantylines. I know who I am and I don't need anyone to be okay with it. I was loud and proud. Today however, I'm all eh, yeah, I'm 41 and I'm okay with it.

Here's the thing, I thought I was at this place in life where I knew who I was for good. I pictured myself standing on top of a ship stretching my arms out embracing the world and the future and my place in it like I was Kate Winslet's character in Titanic. My husband, Tim, would play the role of Leonardo DiCaprio's character (Tim is a year younger than me and a bit boyish so I think it's pretty good casting). In my vision, he would stand behind me and maybe rest his chin on my shoulder.  He'd look at me like that's right baby you got this and I love you forever and our life is going to be amazing because you know who you are and we are in love. Ahhhhhh.

Here's the other thing, I hate that movie--it's about a sinking ship! I don't want my life analogy to be a movie about a sinking ship. I mean what the hell? AND I now realize that my idea of turning 40 and knowing who I was didn't mean that I'm done figuring things out and changing my mind and making mistakes and repeating bad patterns and finding totally new adventures and different ways to look at things.

I ran a marathon when I was 36. I trained and lost a ton of weight. Well, I thought to myself, I guess I am a runner now and can eat whatever I want and be thin forever. Well, that's not how that went down at all. I hurt my knee and then my back, I gained weight and well, got older. But it didn't make me a failure. To quote a great older broad, Joy Behar (comedienne extraordinaire and former co host of The View) "So what, who cares?"  I mean maybe I'll run another marathon or maybe I will only do 5K runs forever. I love going for short runs right now, but maybe I won't in a few years. It's okay. Things change. A few years ago I proclaimed that "I hate dogs" and now I have two that I love in a crazy dog-lady kind of way.  I hated Coleslaw my whole life and couldn't figure out how in the world anyone would ever choose to eat it.  Well, on a whim I tried it last year and found out that I kind of love it so much.

Life can be surprising. It is ebbs and flows, highs and lows, good times and really sad, scary times all on repeat. So for today, the day I honor/celebrate/mark turning 41, I am not going to make any proclamations about who I am and always will be and stand on top of a sinking ship with my hunky husband. Nope. Today, I am just going to say that right now I am an anxious, curvy, dancey, mother of four kids (that keep getting taller and more interesting everyday); I'm a lover of sunshine and reality television and tonight I'm going to eat cake and celebrate being alive. 

It's my birthday & I'll dance in my kitchen if I want to! Here's to celebrating getting old (er) and wiser and sillier and here's to more days to dance in the kitchen together. #birthday #dancing #kitchendance

A video posted by Angela Youngblood (@jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed) on Jun 11, 2015 at 5:25am PDT

Here's what I know about being over 40

Here are a few things that make me feel old:

• When doctors are much younger than me.

• Anniversaries of John Hughes' movies. I want people to please stop telling me The Breakfast Club is 30 years old because whaaaat?

• The idea that I have children that are a couple years away from getting a driver's license.

• The fact that I choose sleep over so many other things now.

• And the fact that I don't mind talking about bloating and how to get more fiber in my diet.

• I don't know what channel MTV is.

• When the oldies channel on the radio plays music from the 1980s. Whaaaat?

Here are a few things that make me feel young:

• Wearing high pony tails. 

• Watching Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin kill it in their new Netlix comedy Grace & Frankie.

• The lady that got her doctorate at age 102. (Click here for the amazing story of Ingeborg Rapoport defending her thesis 77 years after the Nazis stopped her from doing it.)

• Bruce Jenner's decision to become Caitlyn at 65. 

• Betty White doing anything and everything.

• Dancing.

• Swinging. (On a swing not in my marriage. I had to add this disclaimer after someone said they thought Tim and I were swingers when she read my blog. Lol. I'm not judging because whatever makes you happy that just doesn't do it for me.)

• Still getting excited about the last day of school and fireworks and movie theaters and concerts.
• Laughing hard.

Slaying The Giant

Life has been so fucking busy lately.  There is just no other way to say it, well I am sure there are a lot of other ways to say it.  Ways that aren't so crass, but they wouldn't do this kind of busy justice.  

There has been stressful and sad and worried busy. There has been baseball busy.  And end-of-the-school-year and birthday party busy.

But the busy that has been the most time consuming is my worried about anyone and everyone and ahhh the world is frightening and can't we all just stay inside busy. It's exhausting spending time thinking about worst case scenarios.  

I had a panic attack once when I was pregnant with Peyton.  I woke up in the middle of the night crying and scared.  Not just scared, terrified. I felt like I was dying. When I was a teenager I watched my mother have a severe panic attack.  She couldn't breathe and she looked terrified.  My brother and I thought she was having a heart attack.  We put her in the car and drove her to the urgent care.  She begged us through her tears not to take her to the emergency room because she didn't have insurance and would cost too much.  The urgent care doctors gave her a prescription for something and we drove her home.

Knowing that I have a genetic predisposition to anxiety ironically makes me worry a lot.  After watching Tim deal with so much loss and randomness and Peyton getting his concussion at school, I felt like the sleeping anxiety giant inside of me was awakened.  The sleeping giant woke up more powerful than ever.  I'm anxious about being anxious.  I'm anxious about the kids going outside. I'm anxious about the weather. I'm anxious about global warming. And ticks in the backyard.  

I know I can't go on this way. I refuse to end up addicted to prescription pain killers like my mother. Or being afraid to leave my house like it was rumored my grandmother did (oh yeah, this anxiety gene goes back for generations).  Nope. I will keep breathing and working through my shit. I will do what I need to do to find a balance in this wild world.  

Right now, routines help. So does simple things like mowing the yard and folding laundry. Dancing in my kitchen helps and going for runs.  Going to bed earlier helps. Fresh air always helps everything.

But mostly just keeping on keeping on helps.  Because life is busy right now. There is graduating fifth grade busy.  There is climbing the rock wall at the playground for the first time busy. 

There's the pool is open and in Michigan it's only nice for about eight weeks so you better go use it now busy. 

Wade was totally loving how empty the pool was yesterday because all the big kids don't get out of school until Friday.

There is being obsessed with the NBA Finals for the first time in over a decade busy.  

Because life IS very busy and full of so many good things and memories to make and love to give. I WILL slay that fucking anxiety giant and love the hell out of this busy life in this wild world.

A good friend sent this beautiful handwritten note in the mail at the perfect moment. Now I use it as a bookmark and a reminder that it will be okay and I have pretty great friends.

Speaking of it being a wild world, here's one of my favorite versions of the song..

(click here to listen/watch)

Oh and here's my ALL TIME FAVORITE "keeping on" song from Glady Knight and the Pips...IT'S THE BEST!!!!!!


(Click here to listen and dance!)

Middle Of Starting Over Again and Again and What I Know For Sure

Last night, Lucy did something that I have never done and always wished I had--she got on stage and sang. 

Sure I've been on stages and I do my thing (dance, talk, tell stories, try to crack jokes) but I've never really sung, not well anyway.  

A couple weeks ago, Lucy told me she wanted to try out for her fifth grade talent show. I thought maybe she'd play the piano because she takes lessons and plays beautifully. I thought maybe she'd want to do a dance routine with her friends. But I was wrong.  

"I'm going to sing," she informed me. "By myself, without my friends," she informed me and then exhaled loudly like she'd been holding it in and afraid to say it.

For some reason, it was important for her to do this whole singing on stage thing by herself. I offered to help pick the song or practice with her or even choreograph a few moves, but she declined.  This was her thing. It wasn't about her friends and it wasn't about her mom, this was about her being brave and finding her voice and doing it on her own.

The only thing she asked for was if she could get a new dress for the show. And of course, she picked the dress.

I was so curious yesterday, the day of the show, because I had no real idea of what to expect from her singing. Lucy didn't seem that nervous, which made me even more nervous.

But I shouldn't have been. I should have trusted Lucy and her choice of song and style and her quiet confidence and determination.  Because once she was on stage, she sang beautifully.  

"As hard as it seems, I hold my breath and just believe." That's my girl being brave and sweet and truly finding her voice on stage tonight. #astarisborn #proudmom #ilovemykids

A video posted by Angela Youngblood (@jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed) on Jun 4, 2015 at 10:06pm PDT

She sang a song with lyrics like "As hard as it seems, I hold my breath and just believe."  She sang a song called "The Middle of Starting Over."  (Click here to watch her performance.)

The song she sang seems like the perfect song for us right now, and maybe forever. We are going through all sorts of milestones and transitions as a family--no more preschool for Wade (or anyone here which is kind of crazy because we've had almost eight years of consecutive preschool around this house); Lucy is heading to middle school and a more intense Tween Land; Peyton is getting taller and more man-like every day; and I'm thinking about new jobs/career ideas and new identities. I'm learning to let go a little and encourage them and love them the same but differently. 

Things are different. I'm paying more attention to friends that have kids graduating from high school because we are only a few years away from Peyton graduating. In some ways I feel like we were just having conversations about getting him adjusted to daycare or me adjusted to leaving my job to be a stay-at-home mom.  But that was 12 years ago.  

So yeah, that song is sort of our forever anthem because we are all always in the middle of starting over in some ways...finding new rhythms and routines and roles.  And like Lucy sang so beautifully last night all we can do is get started and hold our breath and "just believe."

Lucy, or Super Lucy as we used to call her (after she asked us to), showed us last night that we can all exhale a little and be brave and find our voice and create new beginnings and keep starting over and do things our own way and keep believing. And THAT is pretty damn cool, I know that for sure this week.


Here's what else I know for sure this week:

• This song and the video are the bomb. I loooooooove this so much--the lyrics, the dancing, the way she just goes for it, the strutting, the jumpsuits, the sisterhood, the curves, the RV.

(click here to watch the video)

• Mecury is in retrograde again. Booo.

• This Harry Potter video will make you cry (click here to watch). We just watched one of the movies again this past weekend and realized the little kids in our family haven't experienced the magic of the Harry Potter books or movies yet. It's kind of crazy to think that the Harry Potter phenomenon started sort of right before Tim and I became parents. Tim was one of those weird adults that was reading the books and would go stand in line at the book store waiting for it to turn midnight and the new Harry Potter book to be released. He started reading them because my little brother, who was 8 at the time, loved them.  And then Tim loved them and then Peyton.  Now my little brother is in his mid 20s and Peyton is getting all teenager-y and Tim is old.  Time! Ahhhhhh!  I kind of love how the magic of these stories has been a part of Tim as a father and our journey as parents.  Click here to watch the video-https://www.facebook.com/656567384402155/videos/824953997563492/

• Dogs bring out the little kid in even the coolest teenager.

• It's cool to be a "featured member" somewhere.  I'm especially excited to be a featured member at One2One Network because I love working with them and love doing product and music reviews for them. They asked me a few questions for this feature, questions like "what's your secret ambition?"  Check out my answers and my not so secret (anymore) ambition.

http://one2onenetwork.com/featured-o2o-member-angela-youngblood/#


What do YOU know for sure this week, right now?  Tell me here or over on my Facebook page.

And come play with me on Instagram- @JumpingWithMyFingersCrossed

Anxiety in Fake Bavaria

We went away this past weekend.  It felt like we sort of went back in time.  We traveled to a small town in mid-Michigan which just happens to be a sister city of a small town in Germany, and they take that shit very seriously.  This small town in mid-Michigan replicated their Bavarian sibling's charm the best they could without the mountains or hills to sing on top of like Maria from The Sound of Music.  

We were there for a baseball tournament for Peyton and JT, but decided to make it a pre-summer weekend getaway for the whole family.  

After a sunny Friday evening however, the skies opened up over our fake Bavarian village and it didn't stop raining the entire weekend.  Not a lot of baseball, but a lot of the fake Bavarian hotel. 

So yeah, we spent 48 hours inside a fake Bavarian hotel that hasn't been updated since 1983 except for the indoor pool and the arcade in the basement.  And yeah, not only did we survive, we left laughing and loving each other more because seriously nothing in the world ever beats a waiter in a traditional Bavarian costume serving you and the love of your life and all your kids gluten-free pizza while the cover band next door is singing Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings songs all night long. 

I'm not even kidding I love this kitschy Bavarian shit mixed with Americana at it's finest (Willie and Waylon, I mean, right?!). And I love my family. But it did kind of feel like the backdrop of an Indie flick that would be a total hit at Sundance.

In all honesty, it was quirky and fun but there were parts of the weekend that I didn't like at all--indoor water parks, year-round Christmas and outlet malls.  

Indoor water parks are my nightmare.  I hate them with a passion.  I love swimming and I will stay all day long at an outdoor water park, but I seriously can't stand when you bring it indoors.  I feel stifled by the dome, the chlorine in the air.  Not to mention, my kid just had a pretty scary injury and I'm riddled with anxiety and fear about slipping and falling anywhere and everywhere.  

My kids flipped out over the arcade. We literally could have spent $1,000 on tokens for them, I mean if we had $1,000.

The arcade was sort of a training ground for Vegas...all sensory overload and impulse control challenging. 

And yeah, Christmas is okay once a year but even then I battle demons and expectations that are way too high.  This particular town is not only famous for their Bavarian experience but also a year-round Christmas store.  Year-round Christmas is sort of my nightmare.

Outlet malls are also my nightmare.  I hate shopping.  I hate looking for a deal. I hate it because I suck at it.  I admire all  you deal-finder-shopping-loving people. I'm just jealous.

If this were an Indie flick at Sundance, there would be a couple crucial scenes-- for sure the one with the slightly depressed man in the Bavarian costume, but also the one where I'm reluctantly shopping with my tween daughter at the outlet to try to relate with her and maybe even the one where Tim and I fought about money and scheduling outside our room while a wedding was taking place by the indoor pool. "The irony is killing me," I told him. 

You see as we were locked indoors on this fake Bavarian holiday, I was battling crippling anxiety. After watching Peyton suffer a severe concussion and Tim deal with so much death at work, I was afraid. I am afraid.  Life can be fucking scary and loving people in this life and not wanting them to get hurt makes it scarier.  Nobody is safe. Concussions happen at school, car accidents happen, shit happens to everyone everywhere. It was and is too much.

There I was in the middle of a fake Bavarian resort full of fake flowers and the smell of stale cigarette smoke (a smell that simply couldn't be cleaned from a million years of smokers) and semi-depressed employees from a small town dressed in traditional Bavarian costumes and I was trying to come to terms with life and my anxiety and it was all incredibly surreal and funny and hilarious and I ended up laughing through my tears.  Because seriously nothing in the world ever beats a waiter in a traditional Bavarian costume serving you and the love of your life and all your kids gluten-free pizza while the cover band next door is singing Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings songs all night long. 

Circle Time

Wade graduated from PreK last week. 

After the short ceremony, his teachers told me a story about an incident that happened the week before during circle time.  The story they told pretty much sums up my theory of the true power of storytelling to build connectivity and relatability of the human experience.  

Here's what they said went down at circle time...

"I pick my nose," Wade announced to the class as he sat with his legs in the criss-cross/applesauce position.  "Yeah, sometimes I hide in my bed underneath my stuffed animals and pick my nose."

There was a brief silence.  "Well, okay thanks for sharing, but I'm not sure we should be talking about picking our noses," his kind teacher said to the class.

"I pick my nose too," said Wade's friend.

"Me too," said another kid from across the circle.

Pretty soon most of the 13 children in Wade's class were nodding along and admitting their nose picking or that they knew someone who picks their nose.

This is the perfect example of how being real and authentic can bring people together on a topic that might be a little uncomfortable.  Sure I don't want Wade to be famous for uniting nose pickers, but I love that he isn't afraid to be himself.  Look out world, er, kindergarten.

Authentic, unafraid, uniter, storyteller, truth teller....these are things I wish for all the graduates to be/become.