Good Stuff Forever & What I Know For Sure

I am a believer in the good in the world and the good in all of us.  I am a believer in simple joys and the power of family traditions.  

When I was a kid, my mother was very good at making moments and holidays and milestones special.  She made memories.  She made us feel loved and safe and important.  After my family sort of fell apart completely and my mother began battling mental illness and addiction, it was the memories and traditions that I clung to.  

As a kid, a few simple ceremonies made life a little more magical. Making my granny's bread sticks every holiday was just something we did, no matter what. The traditions, the ceremonies, the bread sticks...they mattered.  When families fall apart or the world seems uncertain and angry and upsetting, sweet family traditions make most of us feel more loved and safe and sort of like some things are going to be okay.   

When my mom moved away when I was in high school she sent me a box of ornaments from my childhood.  She said it was so I could carry on traditions of my own.  I think my mom meant well, but it just seemed like an ending to me instead of a beginning.  I mean I was only 17, I didn't really want to make my own traditions just yet.  

Years later though, when I became a mother, I jumped into tradition and memory making with my whole heart and soul.  I wanted to recreate the good parts of my childhood and make new even better memories for my kids.  

Now I have a lot of my own family traditions.  We do the "Friday Pump" (pumping your hand up in the air and chanting Friday because we are pumped about the weekend, duh) every Friday morning before the kids go to school which is based on something a teacher did with our class every Friday back in my middle school.  We go to the pumpkin patch before Halloween.  We go on road trips in the summer.  We have an Elf Night to kick off the Christmas season.  And a million more little and big ceremonies, dance parties, special foods and traditions.

We started doing Elf Night last year.  It involves a ton of paper snowflakes, waffles and marshmallows for dinner, an elf-naming ceremony and watching the movie Elf together.  
It is one of my favorite nights of the year. 
And I am pretty damn proud of my 3-D snowflake.

That's Keith Babu our elf
(he is a wrestling action figure in the off-season).

Over the years some things change and I know as the kids get older it will keep changing.  But my dream is to have my big kids come home from college over the holiday break and ask to do the Elf Night.  I want them to feel loved, safe and important for always.  Maybe it sounds naive, but I know for sure that I don't want our family traditions and the good stuff to stop, ever.

Here's what else I know for sure this week:

• I married into an amazing family that so gets the whole tradition thing.  In fact they may be the best I've ever seen at all of it.  I made a video about them a few years ago.  It is about the Kimball Family Christmas party that has been going on for years and years and years.

Kimball Christmas Party from Jumping With My Fingers Crossed on Vimeo.

(It's a pretty long video and I watch parts now and I am critical of some of my edits and transitions, but overall am pretty proud of it because it reflects the love and awesomeness of this family.Even if you watch just the first minute or so, you'll get how sweet they are.)

Tim watched the video with the boys the other night.  That's one of the reasons I made the it, so that they can understand a little better how cool their family is.

• Cutting down the Christmas tree is a newer tradition of ours and we love it, even if it doesn't go perfectly.  Check out all of our tomfoolery that went on this year.

(Cick here to watch the video.)

• JT loves Christmas.  When I was a kid I used to put the Christmas tree skirt on and twirl and twirl while everyone else decorated the tree.  JT wore it as a cape last weekend and flew around while we decorated.  Tradition!!!!!

What are your traditions?  What do YOU know for sure this week?  Share it here in the comments or on my Facebook page.

Pay Attention

Earlier this week, Lucy went on a field trip to the court house.  Before she left I reminded her to pay attention.  "Don't be too busy talking to your friends to see what is going on," I told her.  "Because it really is important, you are going to learn about our justice system and laws and courts and...oh gosh, sorry I get so into this stuff."

"I know mom, I will pay attention," she said.  Lucy is used to me going on and on about my passion for politics and justice and injustices and getting involved in THE system, and paying attention.

The field trip is a really good one that every fifth grader goes on in our school district.  I remember when Peyton went a few years ago.  The kids get to sit in court and watch actual hearings.  Then a judge talks to them about the legal system.  They even get to do a mock trial and the kids play different roles.  It's a great way for them to learn how the system works.

When Lucy got home from school that day, I was excited to talk to her about her experience.  

"Mom, there was a man crying," she told me very seriously.  "He had to go to jail and he's going to miss Christmas with his family."

She was upset and went into great detail about how sad he looked and how sad she felt for him.  She had definitely paid attention.  We talked about breaking the law, consequences, desperate circumstances that might drive people to make bad decisions, mental illness, "bad" people and "good" people and all the people in between.  We talked about judges that have to make incredibly tough choices and people that work hard to find the truth.  

Lucy went to the courthouse to learn about the justice system and she came back with a better understanding of empathy and compassion.  My girl who has said before that she is interested in everyone's "back story" appropriately was assigned the role of defense attorney in the mock trial.

I'm so glad she paid attention.  

After Lucy and I talked, she walked into the kitchen and saw the video of Eric Garner on the news.  "What are they doing to him?," she asked horrified, her eyes filling with tears.  "Why don't they stop choking him? He just said he can't breathe."

She was paying attention again.  I didn't have any answers for her as we stood in the kitchen.  

My eyes are also filled with tears as I watch the news and read the Twitter and Instagram posts of many of my African-American friends.  

The fact that I got an opportunity to have conversations with my daughter about empathy and how "fascinated" I am with the justice system and that I didn't have to talk/warn/educate her about racial profiling makes me feel both grateful and sad. I also feel confused and angry and uncomfortable and hurt and helpless.

Yesterday, a woman I was honored to stand on stage with and tell a story with at the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History last fall, Sabrina Nelson, posted this on her Facebook page: 

She is a woman/artist/mother/activist who inspires me and educates me.  I have read her posts on social media and learned so much about what her experience has been like being a mother of a black son in our country. And I am with her. I am with all the people that are hurting and wanting to be heard and wanting change.  I am with people, black and white and everybody, that feel confused and angry and uncomfortable and hurt and helpless by what is happening right now.  

And I am paying attention.  I am watching and reading and feeling and talking and writing and wanting to understand.  I hope my white friends are paying attention and trying to understand what it would be like to have different conversations with kids after field trips to the courthouse because of the color of their skin.  I hope my white friends aren't afraid to talk about how they feel and that they ask questions and dig deeper.  I know people won't agree on everything, but I hope that we can agree on some things.  

I hope we all do more reading and watching and listening and supporting and understanding and protesting and empathizing. And I hope together we all can create a more just system.

I seriously hope we are all paying attention because it is really important.

Here are a few good reads about what is happening:
http://www.chookooloonks.com/blog/affected

http://qz.com/250701/12-things-white-people-can-do-now-because-ferguson/

Follow #blacklivesmatter on social media.

Christmas Tomfoolery

Let the Christmas traditions and tomfoolery begin!

We cut down our tree this past weekend and it went perfectly.  I'm kidding, nothing goes perfectly when my family is involved.  But it was funny and fun and silly and full of fighting and laughing and lots of love.  

I think it's a day we'll all remember and that's what I was going for.

Check it out:

(Click here to watch the video and subscribe to my YouTube channel.)

What are your Christmas traditions?  What are your favorites?  Any tomfoolery involved?

Not Complicated, Weird or Hard

Last week, we hit the road to go to my sister's for Thanksgiving.  It's the first time my sister has hosted since the Thanksgiving my mother fell down the stairs and broke her neck. That was three years ago but it feels like longer.  

The last three years have been full of a lot of life, for all of us.  My mother's neck healed, but our  family remained sort of even more broken than we were before.  Because it's complicated, it's all complicated and full of sadness and pain from the past, fear of the future, setting boundaries, moving on, remembering and forgetting, forgiving and protecting ourselves and our children and letting go of expectations and pressure.

It's weird when your family holidays don't look like holidays on TV, even the messed up ones.  It's weird to explain to your kids who are older and wiser and ask a lot more questions, why you don't want to get together with family on holidays.  

It's hard to explain to others and yourself how you feel guilty because you feel happier when some family members aren't with you on holidays.

So yeah, Thanksgiving has been complicated and weird and hard for the past few years.  

My sister and I have even had a pretty complicated few years, but we've worked on some things.  We are different from each other, like way different, like yin and yang different.  But we know things about life that no one else will know...like what it's like to have our mother for a mother.  Even though we react differently and cope differently, we know the same things.  We know that it finally felt right to do a Thanksgiving together at her house.  And that we both felt pretty strongly that our mother wouldn't be invited.  Not everyone gets that, but she and I do.  She and I know that sometimes when families and holidays are complicated, weird and hard that it's better and safer and healthier to set boundaries and move on and forgive and not invite mothers.

What we ended up having was a holiday filled with lots of food and talking and hanging out and trying to get our tweens/teens to go to sleep before midnight and shopping and football watching and dancing in the kitchen and more eating and laughing and relaxing.  It wasn't complicated or weird or hard and it felt fucking great.

This is the best car I've ever seen on any highway anywhere.  It is what some people might call fly or dope.
And by some people, I mean me!

My brother-in-law's love language is baking and I think that is kind of awesome.

Go Lions!

It's just kind of crazy that my sister and I are mothers to all of these big kids.  

My sister does not have a very large social media presence at all...I call her the white shadow of Facebook because we NEVER see her.  I was teaching her to take selfies while avoiding post-Thanksgiving dinner clean up.

My sister got really into the shopping thing and was looking up deals and checking flyers on Thanksgiving night.  I claim to be against such consumerism, but agreed to go along with her.  Well, I sort of had the best time.  I ended up wishing I had a ton more money so I could buy, buy, buy (so much for my anti-consumerism).  I also got the chance to get a latte, get political and dance.  So , yeah, I love Black Friday shopping...it's a party!  

Love this flask at Francesca's.

I picked out a shirt for JT that was reduced like a billion percent and I got in line to buy it.  Once I got to the checkout I realized it was from a celebrity that has homophobic relatives that are super vocal and um, I had to respectfully decline to purchase.  Boosh! Economic protest.  It felt good.  Then my sister took me to Lululemon and I couldn't afford even one headband, but they had a DJ and that made me beyond happy.  A DJ!  So I danced and it was so fun.  

My real dream job, seriously.

I can't afford anything in this store but they have a DJ so I must dance!!!!! #blackfriday #danceeverywhere

A video posted by Angela Youngblood (@jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed) on Nov 11, 2014 at 6:53am PST

There was nothing complicated, weird or hard about Black Friday shopping either.

It felt like we got to be a normal family having a normal great holiday weekend.  Our kids played together, we all played together. Pick up football games in the park, Moms vs. Daughters soccer matches and hours of Stratego and Risk. 

Here's to setting boundaries, mending fences, forgetting and remembering, letting go of expectations and pressure, not inviting toxic family members, eating lots of food, dancing in the kitchen, playing games and talking and laughing and shopping and enjoying holidays.  Here's to Thanksgivings not having to be complicated, weird and hard.

Sums up the weekend.

Grateful For Dancing

The world can seem so messed up and hopeless and frustrating.  I get angry.  I get struck down with despair.  I feel overwhelmed with the pain of others, with feeling helpless, with anxiety and fear.  But I refuse to stay there.  I read, I talk, I listen, I breathe and listen some more.  I work hard to understand, if possible.  And then I write articles or blog posts, I volunteer, I write letters, make calls, educate, tell stories, go to meetings, I vote...I do something/anything to help create change and encourage compassion.

I also find joy wherever I can.  A joke, a movie, a friend, my kids and dancing.  Dancing is my release, my joy, my ridiculous but freeing act of resilience in bad times and in good times.

And for that, I am so god damn grateful.
I hope that this holiday, and everyday, you dance.

This past week I took my dancing outside my kitchen and into a job interview and the streets.  
Check it out and I hope my ridiculousness brings you some joy in this messed up, painful, beautiful world.

(Click here to watch the video.)

Being Fly

I went to the coolest job interview there ever was in all the land on Saturday.  Not sure if I got the job, but I am sure my life has changed for the better because of that interview and I now know what it means to be fly.  

The email I got earlier in the week informing me I had made the cut, said that the dress code was "to be fly."  I loved that so much, and was terrified at the same time.  Reading it instantly made me feel old, I wasn't sure if it was possible to be 40 and fly.  

I mean in general, I feel a little insecure about trying to get a job after being out of the scene formally for just about a decade.  I am feeling all sorts of inadequate and like I'm too wrinkly to feel so nervous and unsure about myself.  I mean I am sure of myself in so many ways, but resumes and references and "job experience" are not those ways. I am sure of myself when it comes to adventure and being open and embracing the unknown and finding the story in all of it. So, I went and I tried to be fly.

Even though I cried a little bit the night before and thought about not going, I got up put on my most fly outfit I had and went to the interview.  Because any job interview that has a dress code of "to be fly" and is an all-day event with it's own app probably has a few good stories in it.  

The job interview was with an organization called The Future Project.  The job title I was going for is Dream Director.  

According to their web site that I FELL IN LOVE WITH!!!, The Future Project is "a national inniative of transformational leaders" called Dream Directors who are out to "transform schools to be the most inspired places on Earth."  The dream directors help students figure out the how-tos of getting their dreams done.  

On interview day, I walked into a high school in Detroit and it was full of people. All kinds of people--men, women, short, tall, black, white.  Some were definitely more fly and most were younger than me.  Instead of feeling upset however I felt excited.  I wanted to meet these people, hear their stories, their passions, their dreams.  

Best earrings ever, right?  I sing the show's theme song to my kids probably once a week.  Love it.

She said she had these earrings before the interview...
that is totally fly.

Detroit!

These people were dreamers, and doers and activists and poets and mentors and artists.  All of us were a little unsure about what was going to happen at the day-long event, but everyone I talked to was all "bring it on" and ready.

The day involved small group sessions with The Future Project staff members and the founders and students from Detroit high schools.  There were questions about dreams and passions and life stories.  A lot of how's and why's and what would you do if's.  There was a "speed dating" exercise with more questions.  There was a lunch break and a group project that we had to present to everyone at the end of the day. There was dancing and rapping and cheering and clapping. There was a moment of silence for a student from our our host high school who had recently committed suicide, we stood in a giant circle all holding hands.  There was inspiration and motivation and most of all such amazing connection.

Do I hope I get the job? You bet I do.  But I also hope Brandis gets it and Jake and Misou too.  They were my small group partners and I love them even though I just met them.  We sat together and told our stories and talked about our dreams and how we want to help others achieve their dreams.  I feel like I know more about them than people that have been in my life for years.  And through knowing them and connecting with them, I am rooting for them and believing in them.  

I want to have a reunion with my team.
I want to know what happens next for them. 

That's kind of the whole point of The Future Project and why even if they don't hire me, I will keep in touch with them and talk about them and let everyone that I know discover them.  

Art, dreams, community, sharing our stories, sharing our dreams and connecting...it's so fly.  I get it now.  Being fly is being authentic and being unafraid to connect and dream and go for it, no matter how old you are.

You must watch this for more information about The Future Project.

Andrew Mangino Ashoka 1920x1080 fullres from The Future Project on Vimeo.

The Snow & What I Know For Sure

This week it snowed here.  It snowed a lot.  

As I scrambled to find matching gloves and snow pants and boots the kids hadn't outgrown, I sort of forgot to get excited.  It was just one more challenge in my life as an unorganized parent.  Waaaaa.

But it turns out, it was really hard to be extremely grumpy about the snow when the kids, especially Wade, were so excited.  Wade was in awe of the falling snow.  When I picked him up from Pre-K, he immediately flopped on the ground and made snow angels.  He wanted to "scoop the snow" off the sidewalk and driveway.  Everything about the snow was great to Wade.

The older kids threw snowballs and prayed for snow days.  

They all got excited about the snow.

Yesterday morning, the snow was coming down hard.  The big kids didn't get their wish for a snow day and headed off to school.  Wade was laying in my bed watching TV.  Instead of bemoaning the fact that I couldn't get warm and that we had to "scoop" a ton of snow off our driveway and our minivan if we wanted to go anywhere, I stopped and surrendered to the moment.  Instead of racing around, I made us toast, put it on a tray and got under the covers with him.  As the snow fell and fell and fell, we ate toast, snuggled and watched cartoons.  

Later that day, I did indeed have to scrape the windshield and battle the bad roads to pick up kids from practice and take them to get haircuts and then back home.  "At least it's not Buffalo," I heard someone say at the salon.  I actually heard about five people say that over the course of my errands.  

I smiled because I realized those people were surrendering to the moment too--choosing gratitude and a positive attitude over grumbling and complaining and grumpiness.

Sometimes it's easier to surrender to the excitement and the joy of a moment rather than getting grumpy and ungrateful.  Sometimes it's easier to make toast and get back in bed.  Sometimes it's easier and just so much better to be happy, I know that for sure this week. 


Here's what else I know for sure this week:

• I love my kids. Duh, right?  But last night I looked over while they were watching Frozen and three of them were sitting in our big chair together.  I love that they can all fit still.  I love that no one told them to sit there, they just did.  I love them.

• No one needs to die on Parenthood.  I heard a rumor that in the last four episodes someone dies.  Nooooo!  I don't need sad and realistic, that's what real life is for. 

• One of my new favorite shows is The People's Couch on Bravo.  If you like to laugh out loud, you should watch it.  

• This song makes me want to dance and dance and dance.

• I'm loving Mary J. Blige's new album The London Sessions.  Check out my review of her new music here.

• Jimmy Fallon is one talented dude and The Roots are awesome.  I've been going to bed earlier lately but luckily I can watch clips from all my favorite late night shows.  Here's one when Jimmy Fallon filled in for YouTube and sang Desire.  So good.

• I love connecting and hanging out on Twitter and Instagram. Come on over and follow me on Twitter (@AngelaYBlood) and Instagram (@JumpingWithMyFingersCrossed) and let's hang out!

What do YOU know for sure this week?  Let me know here or over on my Facebook page.

Therapy

My new favorite song is "Therapy" by Mary J. Blige.  Maybe it's because I love therapy.  Maybe it's because I love Mary J. Blige.  Maybe it's because the song and the whole album is really, really good.  Maybe it's a combination of all of it and the fact that listening to Mary J. Blige's music is like therapy. 

(Click here to watch the video.)

My first time I went to a therapist I was 21.  I was in college, my mother had been admitted to a psych ward, I was lost and needing to be heard.  Even though I was all kinds of messed up, I was really never at a loss for words.  I pictured myself having no problem telling everything to a therapist, but that wasn't the case.  My first session was filled with a lot of very uncomfortable silence.  It turns out I had to sort of ease into therapy.

I didn't know where to begin.  I didn't want to be rude.  I didn't want to not tell jokes.  

Luckily my therapist was amazing.  She patiently helped me tell my story, she didn't judge my inability to not tell bad jokes sometimes.  She helped me be okay with being vulnerable and real and messy.  And she helped me find the beauty in the mess and move on.

I am a believer in therapy.  "I think everyone should go in for a tune up every decade," I used to tell people.  I stand by that advice, but I think that people should go whenever they feel they are messed up and lost and needing to be heard.  There is no shame in it. Just like Blige sings "why would I spend the rest of my days unhappy, why would I spend the rest of this year alone, when I could go therapy."

Therapy to me can be formal like sitting with a therapist or it can be running or dancing in the kitchen or lyrics and a voice that speak to you.   I do all of it.  Mary J. Blige has been one of the voices that has helped me over the years.  

This was my road trip survival kit this past summer....notice classic Mary J. Blige CD.

Rocking with Blige's What's the 411? in college and then feeling every bit of her No More Drama album in my 20s.  Now in the first year of my 40s, I am loving Blige's new album The London Sessions.

The compilation of songs on this album are a mix of sounds that are happy and sad, light and dark, and inspirational.  Track number 10, "Pick Me Up,"  makes me want to dance and think about getting through it and getting away and sunny days and good times.  Track number two, "Doubt," makes me want to nod and say that's right when she sings "I can't keep doubting myself anymore....you think you know, but you don't know the half...I'll keep getting up, because that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to be the best me, I'm sorry if it kills you."  Um, yes!!!!

For this album, Blige collaborated with some of the UK's most popular stars--including Disclosure, Eg White, Emile Sande, Jimmy Napes, Naughty Boy, SAM ROMANS and Sam Smith.  The new collection will be released December 2 on Capitol Records.  Click here to pre-order on iTunes http://bit.ly/MJBLondon and on Amazon http://bit.ly/MJBLS.   

"The London Sessions is, number one, the bravest thing, and number two, just so honest," Sam Smith, who co-wrote lead single, "Therapy," with Blige and Eg White (Adele, Florence + The Machines, James Blunt), is quoted as saying. I couldn't agree more.

Mary J. Blige's voice makes me want to close my eyes and say and believe--in her music, in myself, in life.  It's therapy.  In every song she sings you hear her struggle and her bravery.  She is brave enough to be vulnerable and real and messy and find the beauty in all of it.

Do what you've got to do.  Go to your therapist, go for a run, dance in your kitchen and sing along with Mary J. Blige.

Life isn't going exactly like I planned it...whaaaaat? Surprised by the good, frustrated by the bad. Mostly I am pretty damn grateful that I can totally control dancing. #kitchendance #dancing #humpday

A video posted by Angela Youngblood (@jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed) on Nov 11, 2014 at 5:36am PST

Download the album on iTunes  http://bit.ly/MJBLondon  
and Amazon  http://bit.ly/MJBLS  

I participated in the Mary J Blige The London Sessions album review program as a member of One2One Network. I was provided a free album to review but all opinions are my own.