Thursday, July 21, 2011

Vacation Me

I like myself on vacation.

I am a happier, calmer, maybe even better looking, version of myself.  I laugh more.  I say no less.

My kids like vacation me.  It is because I can totally focus on having fun and my job is about relaxing.  At home my job is about organizing the house and bills, remembering the snack, signing the kids up for stuff before the deadline, cleaning up everything all the time and making sure everyone has eaten.  And I suck at my job at home.

I like my husband better on vacation too.   Vacation Tim is a funnier, more laid back and yes, I think even better looking, version of himself.

Vacation eating is better too.  Our normal house is gluten free because my son, JT, has Celiac disease.  So that means we don't have a lot of sweets, we hardly eat out, etc.

But in the custom van, vacation Tim and vacation me went crazy with the snack cakes.  My all time favorite snack cake that I have been obsessed with my whole life is the Little Debbie Fudge Round.  My grandmother used to mail me packages filled with Fudge Rounds in college.  But since giving up gluten (which saved my son's life so we were happy to do it) it has been bye-bye Little Debbie.  So feeling confident with the kids so far back in the van, Tim and I indulged in the gluten-filled, decadent Fudge Rounds, a lot.  Seriously.

Tim and I had a lot of time to talk in the front cab of the van.  Vacation talking of course.  The kind of conversations that start with, "well, what if..." or "I know this probably won't happen but..."  Maybe I should call it vacation dreaming.  Out on the road with all the kids preoccupied by old movies on the vcr, or sleeping, anything is possible.

Honestly, it is moments like these, when all the kids are quiet and trapped, I mean buckled, in their seats that Tim and I have talked about having another baby.

On this particular trip, somewhere around the 45th hour of driving, a preview of the Olsen Twins' new Christmas movie (circa 1993) blaring from the vcr , Tim and I looked at each other, smiled and gave each other a look that said, "Holy shit we're tired and we are so done having kids."

Vacation moments, gotta love them.

Maybe it is all that vacation goodness that makes coming home so hard.

I thought a family trip to Home Depot would help.  I know I am insane.  I started crying in the door aisle.

Crying because vacation me wouldn't care that all the kids were climbing on the tractors.  Vacation me wouldn't have snapped at Tim for taking too long to get the paint. Crying because I was tired. Crying because I was losing that feeling of anything is possible. 

I came home defeated and just plain bummed out.  But life goes on.
There was laundry to do, house projects to finish, food to make and baseball games to go to.
And kids to keep happy.

But an amazing thing happened with my kids.  After spending so much time together the past week and a half, they still wanted to play together!  All day, the three big kids and even the baby played together.  Fishing in the pond, make believe in the back yard and splashing in the pool and then off to support and cheer on JT at his first baseball game.  

Watching them I smiled and thought well maybe anything is possible.

Although this still bums me out.

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