Friday, May 23, 2014

I'll Show Him & What I Know For Sure

"Well, what do you think you need?," he asked me.  "What do you think is holding you back from attaining your health goals?"

"Well, I drink too much, I'm hormonally imbalanced and I'm broke," I replied laughing.

He didn't laugh.  He looked uncomfortable.  He shifted his weight.  He looked like he didn't know what to do or say next.  

This guy wasn't my doctor or even my therapist. This guy was a 20-something personal trainer giving me a free session.  I've been going to the same gym (that I LOVE) for almost 10 years and avoided the personal trainers' sales pitch the whole time.  But lately I've been in a place of yes, a place of I'm open to trying anything and not turning down anyone.  So, when the personal trainer was giving out free sessions to help people attain their fitness goals, I said yes.  I also said "look buddy, I don't want to waste your time, I have zero money for any kind of personal training."  He said "no big deal, this is just to help you and enhance your membership experience and give you tools to help you attain your health goals."

I pictured sitting down with him and taking fitness tests like the Presidential Fitness Test we were given in elementary school a million years ago.  But no, he just wanted to talk.  He must have thought I was lying about being broke, because he tried to sell me everything--protein powders, vitamins, work out sessions, visits with the nutritionist, metabolic tests, step counters and more.  

When I told him I had no money, he said I wasn't prioritizing my health.

When I told him I know a lot about nutrition, he suggested my reliance on Dr. Oz was comical.

When I told him that I didn't get nine hours of sleep a night, he questioned whether I took my health seriously.

He shook his head sadly when I told him my husband didn't work out.  "So he doesn't really support you," he said.  

What the fuck, dude?!  That's what I wanted to say, but I didn't.  I smiled and said "mmm, okay, well, thank you, see you later."   That was after an hour of his naive, arrogant 20-something attitude.  That was after I bought a stupid nutrition book that I don't need and honestly didn't have the money for even though it was only $10.  And then I cried and questioned myself as a mother, a wife, a human.  Do I have a death wish because I eat a little processed food?  Am I a bad mother because I don't eat enough fiber?  Am I an idiot because I hate the word legume?

After our meeting I felt all kinds of things.  I did the whole I hate myself, crying thing.  Then I got mad.  I hated 20-something guy.    This guy had no idea.  He's a 20-something with no children.  Who the hell was he to shame me?  Then I felt a little compassion.  It's his job to eat and talk about legumes.  He's probably just starting out, he'll get better hopefully, at listening to people and respecting people.  Then hopefully he'll become a better, more considerate salesperson.  Or maybe he won't.  Maybe he'll switch careers.  Maybe he'll end up with a lot of kids and a lot of debt but he'll love his life and work hard to keep it.  Even though that means drinking a little too much sometimes and getting stressed and not getting nine hours of sleep at night.  Maybe then he'll remember and feel bad about making me feel like shit.  And maybe not.

After the whirlwind of emotions, I realized he did kind of give me what I needed....a good hard look at myself.  I may not be the healthiest person, but I am not the unhealthiest person either.  He's right, I do need to try to get more sleep.  I also need someone to be mad at, someone who I can use as a chip on my shoulder.  Someone I can say, well, well, I'll show you to.  Annnnd 20-something guy fits the bill.  I'll show him who is going to lose a few pounds and run races and be happier and live longer. Yeah, I'll show him, I know that for sure right now.  I also know that I'm taking a break from the saying yes to everything way of life (just for a little while, saying no will feel good) and that I will NEVER say legume without laughing (I'm sorry, I just can't, it's a dumb word).

Here's what else I know for sure this week:

  • Putting the easel in our kitchen was one of my better ideas.  The kids paint anytime they get the urge to be artistic and I love that.
Here's Lucy doing a little painting before waffles the other morning.

  • Celebrities reading mean tweets on Jimmy Kimmel doesn't get old.  Here's the newest version and I lol'd a few times.

  • I'm getting back in the vlogging game. I'm tackling hot topics like the whole "you shouldn't wash your jeans" conversation happening.  Yeah, I'm tackling some really tough topics.  Ha.  Check out it out in case you missed it.  And click here to subscribe to my YouTube channel.

  • Wade's love of baseball is big.  Everyday he is ready to play.
I told him to get dressed and this is what he put on--ready to play.

This was a rainy day and he was playing make-believe (Harry Potter) in the basement.  When he heard that the rain had stopped and the brothers were playing baseball he grabbed any shoes he could find and raced out to join them---ready to play.

  • I love the Blank on Blank videos from PBS Digital Studios.  I've shared a few others here.  I seriously love them all.  They are so interesting.  The latest with David Bowie is good.  I love what he has to say about the importance of not worrying about having an audience.  Check out their YouTube channel and enjoy getting lost in the videos.

  • It's finally front porch weather again and it makes me happy.  So, sorry, but that means endless pictures of my front porch until next Christmas.

What do you know for sure this week, right now?  Come on share what you know.  Share below in the comments or over on my Facebook page.  

Come play with me on Instagram, @jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed.


  1. Your description of your trainer experience is EXACTLY why I am so terrified to see one. Thanks for the morning laugh. Good luck getting 9 hours sleep and please don't stop drinking.

  2. I joined a gym many years ago in my 20's and had my body 'measured'. The PT doing it measured my body fat and I asked her what the number meant, and she said, "It means you're fat." I was 115 pounds and yes, not very shapely, but hardly fat.

    Which goes to show, they do what they're told and what they think they're supposed to do, without taking feelings into consideration. They need to convince us that we ARE fat, that we are unhealthy, so we fork up those dollars we don't have to conform to society's standards of a "good body".

    Screw that, that's what I know for sure. :)

  3. I quit the gym after 4 years because I was making more excuses not to go than actually going. Many people were confused by this, as if there is no other way to exercise than set foot into a gym five days a week. We can all be healthier, but it's a constant learning experience to get there.