We Own That

Tim and I celebrated Valentine's Day on the 15th, because that's how we roll.  And yeah, we owned Saturday night.  We were kid-free and tearing up the town.  We were unstoppable.  We were, well honestly, we were kind of lame.  But I think that's also sort of how we roll.

After Tim dropped the kids off at his parents for a sleepover, he and I were overwhelmed by our freedom.  "You mean we can go anywhere we want to go for dinner?  No dietary restrictions, no children's menu..."

So many choices.  Even though we were limited by budget, I still felt like all those times years ago when I walked around Blockbuster going through the aisles of hundreds of movies and not being able to commit to one movie I wanted to watch.  And then we tried to figure out what to do after dinner, more choices.

I suggested museums, artsy movie theaters and finding a speaker talking somewhere about something thought-provoking or oooh, maybe controversial.  "I want to think," I told Tim.  "I want to have something to talk about other than kids and parenting and scheduling."

Instead of thinking, I was over-thinking my way to ruining my night, our night.  So we took a step back and we thoughtfully decided that thinking is overrated.  We thoughtfully decided that thinking on date nights might just be for people with no kids or people with grown up kids.  We thoughtfully discussed how smart and interesting we were before we had kids.  And then we thoughtfully decided that date nights for a couple of almost 40-year-old, exhausted parents with a gaggle of energetic children like us means eating at a diner and going to a movie.  

THE diner wher we spent our date night.

Getting wild and crazy for us right now means extra movie theater candy just because we can dammit.  

It was kind of perfect.  We talked about our kids a little over cheeseburgers and milkshakes at the diner.  We held hands in the movie theater.  And then we got home around 10 and reveled in the fact that we didn't have to pay a babysitter.  

And then we spent the rest of the weekend with our gaggle of energetic children, loving and appreciating our exhausting life. Four kids, lame but sweet date nights, lots of love...we totally own that.

Lucy is learning this Celine Dion "classic" on the piano and we sing it everyday.
Yeah, it's kind of like our family love song right now.

Valentine's Day Doesn't Have To Suck, What I Know For Sure & #iPPP

I know there are Valentine's Day haters.  Commercialism, aaack!  I get it you don't want to sell out or have expectations or get let down.  I mean, that's kind of how I feel most of the Christmas season.  But I am not a Valentine's Day hater, I kind of dig it.  

When I was 6 I had a re-occurring nightmare about a walking heart coming after me.  Needless to say, arriving to JT's class party the other day was a bit traumatizing.

A holiday about love? I mean, that's pretty great.  A holiday where we celebrate all things shaped like hearts=more greatness.  Throw in candy and I don't know what you haters have a problem with.  

Valentine's Day doesn't have to be about romance and fancy-schmancy date nights.  Valentine's Day can simply be a day we celebrate and honor love, all kinds.  

I love the moms that put together creative and cute holiday classroom parties.  I am not that mom, but I am so glad that those moms exist.  I love them for all the work and creativity it takes to put these parties together.  

I love Dollar Store doilies hearts, and stickers and glue and markers, that help us make Valentine's Day a little more Valentine-y.  I love that Wade enjoys crafting and painting with me.

  

I love my family.  It's not fancy-schmancy and I didn't buy anybody any gifts, it's simple, I love them.  And I love having a silly little holiday to make them feel special with extra appreciation, doily hearts, going to their classroom parties and making heart-shaped brownies for them. 

Lucy drew this picture of the family.  I was so moved when I saw she wrote "trust" on my shirt.  She's amazing.

Don't over-complicate, over-anticipate, over-commercialize...simply love the love.   Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate and honor all kinds of love, I know that for sure. 

Here's what else I know for sure (this week):

• Olympics + Dancing to Beyonce= the best.  I am loving all the dancing going on by the Olympic athletes over in Sochi.  So much joy! I love it so much.  Did you see luge star Kate Hansen's warm up to Beyonce? It's just so good.  Click here to read about it and watch her moves.

• I want to be a snowboarder when I grow up.  I am enjoying the hell out of watching them compete and cheer each other on and just be so cool.  I love their brave half-pipe jumps and YOLO flips.  I love the way they seem to respect and enjoy each others' success.

I am trying to rock the snowboarder look.  Here's a shot I took the other night for the #365FeministSelfie project on Instagram.

• This is beautiful.  I cried the first time I watched this.

• Tim and I celebrate all things romance on the 15th of February.  Find out why in my latest vlog and then subscribe to my YouTube channel if you want.  I'm getting back in the vlogging game and plan on posting a vlog a week. Yay!

• JT and the dog are still best friends.  JT even gave her a Valentine's card. 

• Captain & Tennille can suck it. Every Valentine's Day season, I think of my favorite love songs.  And usually I play Captain & Tennille's Love Will Keep Us Together because I USED to love that song.  But their impending divorce has ruined it for me.  So here's the next best song that ALWAYS pops into my head when I think of love songs (and reminds me of staying up late on Saturday nights wishing I was Vicki the Captain's daughter or dreaming of being Julie when I grew up).  Yeah, it's The Love Boat theme song.  Watch it and sing it all day. You're welcome.  Happy Valentine's Day!

What do you know for sure (this week)?  C'mon, we're friends, share what you know. 

Leave a comment here or on my Facebook page or on Twitter.

Please come play with me on Instagram @jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed.

I'm linking up today with my friends Greta from  Gfunkified.com and Robin from FarewellStranger.com for the #iPPP link up.  They host a link up where they encourage people to share "your funny, your yummy, your heartfelt, your favorite photos of the week" from our phones. 

Vlogging Again-Valentine's Day

I haven't vlogged in a while and I miss it.   Because you know, I have a lot to say.  

YouTube and Google made a few changes to YouTube and I kind of struggle with change. But I'm back!  And I hope to start vlogging once a week.

This week is all about love and Valentine's Day. So, I linked up with Mama Kat's Vlogging Workshop to talk about a memorable Valentine's Day.  I'm going waaaay back for this one, back to the time when I got engaged.  Awww, so romantic and mushy, but of course there's a little catch.  Ch-ch-check it out.

(If you are an email subsriber, click here http://youtu.be/nhs9_Az7xeg to watch.)

Oh yeah, I'd love it if you subscribe to my channel I would LOVE it!  Click here.

And head on over and check out the other vlogs at Mama Kat's Losing It, click here.  

Getting Lost

"Can I follow you home?," I asked him.

"I'm not completely sure where I'm going," he replied.

"That's okay, we'll just get lost together," I laughed.

This conversation pretty much sums up my entire relationship with the love of my life, my husband of 13 years.  

This conversation actually happened this past weekend after our oldest son's football game.  Tim in our red minivan, me in our silver minivan talking about following each other home.  That's right we are a two minivan family.  It may not be as edgy as me drunkenly propositioning him in a smoky, dark bar 20 years ago when we were thinner, cooler and better looking, but to me it's where it's at.  I hold onto the poetry and romance in the ordinary moments because why not? I mean really, why not, it's good stuff.

Our romance has been full of big love, loud fights, lots of hope and making the best of bad decisions, always holding onto our sense of humor and continually getting lost together.  

But sometimes it doesn't feel romantic at all.  It is more like "god damn, when are we going to figure this shit out." This shit being life, money, and money and money (we are really, really bad at that part) and jobs and parenting and being everywhere for everybody and how to not piss people off but still set boundaries and to not read Facebook posts and feel like you want to scream or cry or yell at God because people are so dumb or mean or heartless.  What's poetic and romantic about that?  

What good is being in love and poetry and romance when you can't figure shit out?

Here's my advice about what a poetic, sensitive person should not do to feel better: don't apply to be seasonal help at JoAnn Fabrics.  Especially if said sensitive person has only been freelancing and staying at home mothering for the past decade.  Or if said person is struggling with any sort of identity issues like "who am I after a miscarriage?" or  "13 years ago, I was really an up-and-comer in the nonprofit world, but not sure what to do with that now?"  

First of all, who knew you had to have a cover letter and a resume for a seasonal position in retail sales. I mean that's cool, I'm just surprised.  I sat down at the computer and typed up my resume feeling like a loser.  Resumes and applications bring back all the demoralizing anxiety of standardized tests that didn't have an essay portion when I was a kid.  "Once a loser always a loser," I told myself.  See we sensitive, poetic types can get dark pretty fast. Waaaaa.

Just to confirm my "I'm an idiot" feeling, I got tripped up by the online application too.  Missing required fields and embarrassingly not know how much minimum wage is and having to Google it.  All while Wade was emptying every cabinet in the kitchen to get my attention.  

My attempt to bring in a little extra money (and do my part to help the whole we never have enough money issue) at a place where I could maybe get a discount on nerdy craft supplies that I love put me in a funk.  A totally unpoetical, unromantic, this-shit-is-all-stupid funk.

Then Tim sent me a text.  A mushy, we'll get through whatever we have to kind of text.  It was the poetry and romance of the ordinary moment that I love, that I need.  A reminder that even though we don't have any answers and life is full of stupid funks and that our happily ever after looks different than other people's and we will never be good with money (we would be those assholes that screw up winning the MegaMillions jackpot) and JoAnn Fabrics may never hire me, we're together and we're in love.  We will ride off into the sunset in our minivan with no clue where we are going and get lost together.

P.S. I am well aware that love and poetry and romance don't pay the bills, but they sure do help make it all better. Don't you think so?

This John Prine song is pretty awesome (and a little raunchy).

Oh, oh wait, this is another pretty awesome song for our (or anyone's) love story.  Annnnd as a bonus, it's Mayim Bialik's ahhhmazing performance in Beaches which is special because my mom used to tell me I looked just like her. Yup.  I wish I sounded like her too when I was a kid or ever.

The Weekend in 3 Acts

Of course that's not make up, it's marker.  He's no joke, he's a break dancing clown.  

Act One:
The Circus Came to Town Our House 
On Friday night, the kids put on a show.  They sold tickets and each had an act--Peyton was a strong man, Lucy walked the balance beam, JT was a break dancing clown and Wade floated in and out of every act.  The show ended with the whole family dancing and laughing.

Lucy killing the big dance number 
during the finale of their circus.

It was in deed the greatest show on Earth.

Act Two:

The Fortune Teller

Later that evening, Tim and I celebrated how this whole show started.  We celebrated the anniversary of our engagement.  Fourteen years ago on February 15th, Tim proposed to me with a special note tucked inside a fortune cookie.  (Yes the 15th of February, not Valentine's Day--because duh, Valentine's Day is way too predictable and not what circus people do.)

Almost every February 15th, we get Chinese take out from the same place Tim got it 14 years ago.  That place has changed ownership and names over the years, but it's still there.  Sure, our house is more crowded than the restaurant even on a Friday night, but they are still there.  And I love that.  (Although, I will admit to feeling a little nervous the past couple of years about eating the food.  Why aren't there more people there?)

Act Three:

It Is Art

I told the kids one of my New Year's resolutions was to learn to play the Ukulele.  I'm over the losing 10 pounds, being more organized and all that practical resolving.  I wanted something fun and I love the ukulele. 

After pricing some on eBay, my ukulele resolution became like every other resolution, not done.  Ugh. Whatever.

We don't get each other anniversary gifts or Valentine's Day gifts usually.  But this year, the kids presented me with a gift they had been working on for a couple weeks with Tim.  

"It's a ukulele!," JT squealed.  "Your very own, just like you wanted!"

It was JT's idea and everyone jumped on board.  Tim encouraged the kids to draw up plans and helped them cut the wood.  Together they put the screws in to hold the wire for the strings.  Together they painted the heart.  Together they made me the best gift ever.  It is art.  It is wood and wire and paint and love.  

I was so moved that they even listened to me.

My ukulele now hangs in our kitchen.  Our kitchen, the heart of our home, the center ring of our circus, where we laugh and dance and eat and cook and create and do homework and have family meetings.  My ukulele, to precious to play, is on display as a symbol of being heard, creative expression, working together and love.  It is art.

Life IS a circus and I love it(busy weekend #1,255).

Yeah, maybe my New Girl, Zooey Deschanel mini-obsession has something to do with why I want to play ukulele.  But come on, wouldn't it be nice if I could play like this video?!!?

I'm Ready

I had no idea what I was getting into when I got married.
I had no idea how good it could really all be.

I have spent over a decade of Valentine's Days  with my husband, Tim.  Some of them romantic, some of them not so much.  You know I'm not much of a holiday kind of gal.  I've decided it's because I don't want the world telling me when I should be thankful, scared or in love.  I'll do it on my own time, in my own way thank you very much.  

But for some reason, this year I am all kinds of nostalgic and mushy and in love with Valentine's Day.

I love this graphic, this quote (it was on our homemade wedding program)  and Lenny Kravitz.  I love it so much I'm reposting it from an earlier blog post this week. See?  I can't stop spreading the love.

Maybe it's all the holiday feelings I've been pushing deep inside that are ready to burst.   I'm ready now to go around the table and say what I'm thankful for--my husband, my kids, my life.  I'm ready!  I'm ready to dress up and make a fancy dinner to celebrate all the special and good stuff in life. I'm ready to make a special playlist full of sappy songs for the occasion. Shit, I feel like heading straight to Kay Jewelers and buying someone a piece of really cheesy jewelry.  What is happening to me?

It's not like this has been a really wonderful week or anything. Monday started with my dryer breaking (again) and my van leaking orange, rusty liquid around town.  Maybe you saw me, or the trail of rust I was leaving behind me.  One thing after another has gone wrong.  What's so great about my life?

Well, nothing. Waaaa.

In a recent MomPulse vlog, I compared Tim and me to Brad and Angelina because well, it's obvious right?  But upon further reflection and five million and one things going wrong this week, I think the celebrity couple we are more similar to is that couple from Up.

Everytime we get ahead something happens and we have to take the hammer to our measly little savings jar.  Dreams of world travel (or even a tour of countries at Epcot) elude us.

But wait...cue the music...it's weeks like these where everything goes wrong that I remember why that couple from UP makes all of us cry.  Because none of the big stuff matters.  My husband and I love each other, respect each other and have fun together. And as a bonus we have these wildly adorable, interesting and lovable children.  

What's so great about my life? Um, pretty much everything, everything that matters.  

Happy Valentines/Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukkah/Halloween. Happy Love! I'm ready! And I'm heading to f-ing Kay Jewelers, Tim's getting a necklace damn it.

I decorated my house more for Valentine's Day this year almost more than any other holiday.  I'm feeling it.

Here are a few of my favorite love songs that are on my special LOVE play list:

Let's Stay Together, Tina Turner

You Must Love Me, Madonna(from Evita)

Give Me The Simple Life, Steve Tyrell

Just Might (Make Me Believe) Sugarland

You Are The Best Thing, Ray LaMontagne 

You Send Me, Sam Cooke

As, Stevie Wonder

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, The Beatles

Love Will Keep Us Together, Captain and Tennille

What? Captain and Tennille aren't on your love play list? They totally should be.

What's on your LOVE play list?  

Do you have a celebrity couple you and your Valentine are most like?

Let Me Count The Ways (A Vlog)

Tis the season for love and romance and another vlog. 

This week I'm talking about the six things I love about my Valentine.  Awww.  I get all sweet and mushy.  I also keep it real with some literal bathroom humor.   And I compare Tim and myself to Brad and Angelina, but of course.

Check it out.

(If you get the blog via email subscription, here's the link for the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMTtrxC-I20 Check it out!)

I'm linking up again the amazing MamaKat (check her out, she is FUNNY).  Each week she has a list of vlog prompts and we all get to play along.

Check out the other video I made in honor of Valentine's Day.  I joined the One Billion Rising movement and decided to start a new tradition with my family. 

It's a tradition that helps start a conversation about compassion, service and ending violence against girls and women around the world.  And it involves dancing! Click here to read about it too.

(If you get the blog via email subscription, here's the link for the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mE1Ieub-q64 Check it out!)

To subscribe to my MomPulse YouTube channel, click here.