Thursday, January 19, 2012

A Senior Moment

I sat in a meeting last night talking about and planning children's activities.  I looked around the room and noticed I was a senior, a senior parent.  Possibly not the oldest mom, but my oldest was one of the the oldest kids. 

I remember when I was a kid and watching all the John Hughes movies about teenage angst and love, to be a teenager was the coolest thing ever.  To be a senior was the raddest thing of all.  I couldn't wait.  Then I got to teenagehood and realized it was f-ing hard.  Aside from having a crazy mother we didn't really know was crazy yet, I don't think I did such a great job as a teenager. 

I could be all nostalgic about 80s movies because I watched part of my new favorite movie Easy A again today.

"I never did hard drugs." That's my big achievement that I always brag about. 

Maybe it was the whole crazy mother thing (can I blame this on her?), but I didn't really navigate the social landscape very well.  I didn't understand girls and friendships very well.  There were a lot of problems when I was a teenager, my mother, did I mention her?  Actually both my parents moved to different states when I was in high school, without me.  Waaaaah.  But to be honest it did fuck me up a little.  And the whole no drug thing is a pretty big miracle.

Anyway, I couldn't wait to be a senior and then be out of there.  Move on.  Because I was sure it would get easier.
Me, circa 1992.

Off to college (which not a lot of people thought I was capable of), which turned out to be a hell of a good time.  But it too was full of drama.  And I still didn't navigate social situations with much finesse.  My mother was getting crazier, can I blame her again?  Just kidding (about the blaming, not the crazier part).  Still no drugs for me, okay not a lot of drugs. 

But again, I was over it.  I couldn't wait to be a senior and then be out of there.  Move on.  Because again I was sure it would get easier.

Out of college and on my own, it was pretty easy.  I loved being on my own.  Living alone.  It was perfect for someone that didn't navigate social-land all that fabulously.  I had friends at work and then I would go home make dinner for one and watch my real friends on ER and Seinfeld.

Life was pretty good.  But then I had to go screw it all up and fall in love.  Of course I am kidding.  I fell hard and fast for my husband.  Got married fast.  Had kids fast.  And honestly loved every minute of it.  My social awkwardness seemed to not matter as much.
Look at how ancient this picture looks!  It is me in the hospital right after the epidural, awaiting my first born's arrival.  The phone cord, the camera....too much. Lol.

But I still found myself falling into that whole "it would get easier" mindset.  The babies won't sleep, ugh. Don't worry it will get easier when they are older.  Potty training sucks.  Older=easier.  God, all they want to do is be held.  Older=easier.

But just like every other stage/phase of my life it doesn't get easier.  Most times it gets more intense in different ways and I am nostalgic for simpler times. 

So back to that meeting last night.  I am the senior parent that's been on the committee for what seems like a million years.  There were a couple parents with very young children talking about how excited they were for different activities, like a daddy/daughter dance.  There was one dad in particular that just beamed when he talked.

My god, he was positive.  Did I look like that?  Was I ever that positive?  Probably not.  

So I am that senior, rolling my eyes at the eager freshman with all the school (parent) spirit.  Too cool for school?  Maybe.  But I am learning to appreciate the moments.  Stop wanting time to move on.  It could be that I realize I am getting old and the time has stopped to wish it away.  Or maybe, I am finally able to relish that my kids still want to snuggle on the couch.
All four of my children playing Barbies with the best dad ever.  Who would wish this away? 

I don't want to hold them back, but I do want to enjoy the moment.   

Because one thing I know for sure is, time will go fast and we will on move on.  And when I really think about it, I am in no rush to get out of this phase.

Okay, sorry I can't stop with the Easy A clips, but I really hope I am as cool as these parents.  Seriously, because I know it won't be easy.

And hey check out my kiddos' picture in the slide show on Babble.  Click here to see more.

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