Is Emotional a Job Skill? Resume Anxiety

ré·su·mé

  [rez-oo-mey, rez-oo-mey] 

noun

1.

a summing up; summary.

2.

a brief written account of personal, educational, and professional qualifications and experience, as that prepared by an applicant for a job.

My oldest son turned 10 yesterday.  I have been a mother for 10 years and I haven't had a real job, at least steadily, for almost eight years.  


Last year, I was going to try and save some money on the gluten free groceries by applying for a position at Whole Foods (employees get a 20% discount).  Great idea right?  I went online to see if they were hiring and indeed they were looking for people.  Perfect.  


Except they wanted a resume.
A resume to run the checkout lane, when did that happen?  Instead of rising to the challenge, I totally chickened out.


Everyone tells you to keep your resume updated.  Really?  Well, per usual I didn't listen to those smart people.  I went about my life with my adorable children.  Taking them to reading time at the library, bike rides in the park, spontaneous UNO card games in the middle of the afternoon.  And I enjoyed most of it.

Nice laundry pile in the background.

What am I talking about...I am still doing all that stuff and enjoying it.  But with the baby turning 2 and my oldest turning 10 this fall, I am looking ahead and thinking about me.  What can I do?  How can I contribute?


But first I need to get over the damn intimidating hurdle of a resume.  I have no idea what I am doing.  I don't know what color my parachute is! ( I still have my copy of that job/career book "What Color is Your Parachute" the 1996 edition around here somewhere, maybe it would be helpful.)  


I always hated resumes and was never very good at writing one.  I like to write about how crazy and emotional I am, which never did and still doesn't translate into good experience for an employer.


But now it is a million times worse.  What the hell do I put on my resume?  I have done some pretty cool shit over the past eight years, but none of it in an office.  Worked with Hillary Clinton's campaign office to help create a web site for her campaign called Moms for Hillary, apprenticed a documentary filmmaker from Hollywood, managed committee meetings, hosted political parties, and oh yeah, took care of all those kids.


But eh gads, I don't want to be one of those people that puts "handled labor disputes" as cutesy code for breaking up toddler fights.  Ugh.


It seriously took me hours, I mean days, okay already, weeks to finally sit down and work on my resume.  I felt old.  I felt silly.  


The finished product isn't good.    But at least it is done and I have something to work with.  I listed some of my former employers on the resume, but I couldn't even remember the name of the software company I worked for 12 years ago.  


Still a little perplexed about what to do for references....my current clients aren't so happy with me.  I just happened to be reading my daughter Lucy's diary and came across a nice little entry.  It detailed how displeased she was with me.  Niiiiice.

And a co-worker of mine, that other mom in the car loop at elementary school, well I glared at her again and I don't think she would make a good reference either.  


Since I still do have sweet little Wade at home, I am not out there pounding the pavement looking for a job.  

The fact that he likes playing with knives at 2 isn't a good sign, maybe I should get a job now and send him to daycare! 

But I am ready with a horrible resume if an opportunity decides to come a knockin'.




And just because, here's a Tina Fey clip.  Funny enough, the Cathy cartoon she is imitating was insanely popular around the last time my resume was kept up to date and really good.