Monday, November 21, 2011

We Are So Not Cool

"Why do you wear your shirt like that?" I ask with a tone that said you look stupid.

"Don't you know how to settle these kids down?" I snapped.

I am not proud.  But today I was treating my husband Tim about as nicely as Kate Gosselin treated Jon on their reality show.  It was so not cool.

Funny enough all this snapping was happening after we returned from teaching a class about creating uplifting family traditions and taking care of yourself and your marriage.  Where did we teach this class you ask?  Wait for

Hello hypocrites?  Well not so much, usually we teach our classes from a book or study guide (so it's not like we write the material) and we are (not very surprisingly) very open and honest.  I usually start every class with "Please learn from all of our mistakes we are about to share with you.  And we have made and continue to make a lot of them."

But today I was a little more fierce than normal.  Maybe it was because I am tired and still don't feel good with various dumb, still undetermined health issues.  Maybe it was because those happy holidays are fast approaching and my anxiety is rising.  Maybe it was because I feel like we have lost our edge, our coolness.

We actually went out on an extremely rare date the night before.  Sadly, we have become the cliche suburban couple that gets excited when they get a good table at a mediocre restaurant and clap their hands when the anxiously awaited meal arrives (I am sure Tim is cringing somewhere and wants me to clarify that I was the only one clapping).  The next thing you know, we'll get matching holiday sweaters. So not cool.

We have reached an age when we can say the following statement:  We used to be cool.

Don't get me wrong we were never that cool.  But we were cooler than how our date went the other night. After we, I mean I, clapped when the meal arrived, we did enjoy the food.  But halfway through we looked at each other through slitty eyes, sighed and complained of being exhausted.  Yup, we were wondering if we could stay awake for the movie we were supposed to see.  As it turned out we didn't have to worry about that because somebody (it was totally me) got the movie time wrong and we showed up 30 minutes late.  Are you kidding me?

We ended up going to Target and doing some Christmas shopping for the kids.  By the way, we are usually week-before-Christmas shoppers, so it was a very strange feeling.  We hopped (I mean sluggishly climbed) into the mini-van and headed for home.  It was 9:30 p.m.!  "I am not going home before the kids are in bed, no way," I shrieked.  "I am not putting those kids to bed." I grabbed Tim's arm and dug my nails in for emphasis, my eyes were crazy with fear and the veins in my neck were popping.

We drove around until 10 p.m.  Once we were home, I fell asleep on the couch.  That people, was our hot date.  We not only used to be cooler, I still have to believe that right now we are better than that.

But damn, life is kicking our ass lately.  I know Stephen Covey, whose book we happened to be teaching today, would not recommend snapping at or criticizing my husband to get our edge back.   Covey probably wouldn't recommend talking to your spouse about whether being so bloated makes you look fat and then lifting up your shirt.  Not a way to get your edge back (learn from my mistakes people).

It is obvious, we have to work on our coolness.  I need to work on being nicer.  And we need to get more sleep.

The one thing we have going for us is that we still love hanging out together (although Tim might not have agreed with this statement this afternoon) and we have hope.  Hope that falling asleep on the couch together after a good episode of "The Good Wife" (or a really good movie we didn't see) will be cool enough until we catch up on some sleep.

We are in need a moment like this movie clip after Tina Fey interview.

This is our path as far as coolness goes.  I love Phil.

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