Friday, June 29, 2012

Meltdown #5,346 and What I Know For Sure (this week)

I've been cutting back on my alcohol, so lately I drink one night a week.  One night I down a bottle of wine or SkinnyGirl something.  Yeah, I basically binge drink one night a week. And just like when I would binge drink in college, I either end up having the greatest night of my life or I cry and apologize for everything.

Last night, after a bottle of tequilla, I had a complete, messy meltdown.  Crying about my guilt about my baby's arm breaking on my watch, my inability to keep all four kids entertained, keep the front yard alive and put oil in the van (ever). 
My dead front yard that I am trying to bring back to life.
Ugh.  It was messy.  Tears. Snot. And a lot of "don't be mad at me's."

It's been an interesting week, that is the truth.  There have been moments when I was cursing my arms-length type of social behavior.  The whole don't get too close to me and you won't find out the whole ugly truth has worked for me, for a long time.  But in a time of crisis, that whole arms length thing feels too distant.

But even I have a village.  The nurses at the hospitals I've been to the past week were so kind.  In the recovery station after JT's bone realighnment, the nurse was a mother of four and made me feel so much better.  "Oh, the fourth one put me over the edge," she shared.  "I was never on time again."  I teared up and thanked her for her honesty.

My in-laws came over and treated the kids to McDonald's and a day of fun and distraction.  I got calls, emails, tweets and text messages of support.  The village, the cast of characters in my movie of life was in full effect.  And it made a difference, that I know for sure.

What Else I Know For Sure (This Week):

It's about to get even messier up in here.  Wade decided it would be a good week to start potty training.  Um, okay, not so sure I agree with his timing, but here we go.
How cute does he look in his big boy undies?
This movie looks good. A movie about a brother and sister hits home because I have a great brother and love our complicated family relationship. 

I am obsessed with blueberries. That's all. Can't get enough.

This version of Bruce Springsteen's song is AMAZING.  Town Country's cover of "I'm On Fire." Listen and love.

I love that my kids get along and don't fight all the time.

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