Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Fingers Crossed

Here's the thing....I have no idea what I am doing.

I am writing this post because I never want to sound preachy.  Someone asked me recently what I blog about and why, and I was stumped.  I guess I write because I have to, I share because it scares me.  The blog is about all the things I don't know or all the things I've screwed up and maybe a few things I think I've figured out.

With my life (and the blog) I do the best I can with a plan and then jump with my fingers crossed for the rest.  It's what we do right?  We hope, we pray, we plan, we negotiate, we compromise...but really ultimately it comes down to closing our eyes, crossing our fingers and having a little faith.  And appreciating all the moments that bring happiness.

It's kind of my philosophy. (love this Ben Folds Five song)

One afternoon years ago when I was newly engaged to Tim we went on a shopping trip to Home Depot.  The sun was shining brightly, I remember the day clearly, but not why we were going to the store.  I remember how I felt.  I described it to my sister like this: "I felt like it was a Saturday afternoon when we were little.  Is that crazy?" I told her.  "I think it means you feel happy and safe," she wisely said.  

Damn it she's good.

It's those safe moments, happy moments that I hold onto and share.  But I must admit, much like the female version of a Woody Allen-type character, I secretly cross my fingers during those moments.  I cross my fingers that I will soak it up and that I/we will have more.  Neurotic much?  I know.

Describing our warm winter here in Michigan to my wiser, older sister this past weekend, I mentioned that it made me worry about global warming which led to a mini panic attack.  She sighed and said "You think a lot about everything don't you?  Just try to keep your worries and thoughts local for now and enjoy the weather."

Damn it, she did it again.

So yesterday before kindergarten, we played outside.  No jackets, no worries.  But I was still secretly crossing my fingers for all sorts of things.

On a different note: 
What I do know is that I love The Voice.  I am late to the game on so many things...I didn't watch Parenthood for the first couple seasons, still haven't started watching Revenge because everybody tells me I have to start from the beginning.  But my god, I watched The Voice after the Superbowl and again last night and I f&#*ing love it.  I love it so much I want to wear my eye makeup like Xtina.  I love it so much if I were a kid I would so have loved playing this game in my Grandma's living room instead of The Price Is Right game we played.

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