Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Lottery

Everyone is going lottery crazy as the Mega Millions rises to a record $500 million--at least according to that crazy liberal media.

I've never bought a lottery ticket.  I've never been to a casino.  It's not that I have any moral issue with it or religious stance against it or anything like that.  Not sure why I haven't.  Maybe because I'd rather spend my extra money on food and wine.  Maybe because I've never had a lot of extra money.  Maybe my addictive tendencies scare the hell out of me and I'm afraid I would lose all my money at the craps table.  And then end up borrowing from the creepy guy in the silk shirt and chains that I imagine hangs out at casinos.  Of course I would lose his money and then discover he's a mob guy and he then sends goons after me. I spend the rest of my life moving my kids from town to town changing our identities to escape from loan sharks and mob men.  Obviously, I've watched too much tv, but whatever.

I was always more of a dive bar with a great blues band kind of girl.  Or my absolute favorite thing was/is an outdoor concert, preferably at a small venue.

I don't go out anymore.  But I just might buy a lottery ticket.  I mean c'mon, $500 million. With that kind of money I could go all Oprah on your ass and buy everyone I love a car.  Of course, Biggie Smalls and Puffy's (back when Diddy was Puffy) song "Mo Money Mo Problems" is indeed running through my head.

And maybe now yours(seriously, push play while you read the rest.

My husband, Tim, is the kind of person that knows exactly what he would do if he won the lottery.  He has put a lot of thought into it.  He believes he has a shot.  Tim isn't a crazy spend-all-your-extra-money-on-lottery-tickets guy.  He is an optimist.
That's my man teaching Sunday school, even these kids are like
"player please, are you for real?"
When the mail comes he still gets excited, because something for him might be in there.  Yeah, like a million bills, ugh.

"I have never been depressed," he told me once.  He might as well have said there is no God and Southfork isn't as big as it looks on TV.

But that might be why we work so well.  If we both walked around comparing our bouts of depression who the hell would get the mail?

For 14 years we have worked pretty well.  Tim will tell me how he has it all figured out and that we'll be living the good life "when we win millions from the lottery."  And I tell him he's fucking crazy and that nothing will be okay, ever. See?  We're all good.

But maybe now I want a little of what he's having.  I want a sip out of the half-full glass of Kool-aid.  

Today, I will buy my first lottery ticket.  I will live in the realm of anything is possible and that everything might be okay.  And I will dream of buying everyone I love a car.

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