Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Meltdown #5,246

Yesterday was the first day of spring.  The morning greeted me with sunshine and the promise of almost 80 degree temps for the afternoon.  I don't remember ever having a first day of spring here in Michigan be that warm, that nice.
So how did I greet spring?  With meltdown number 5,246 (this year alone).  Yup, I was crying in the car loop.  

What sent me over the edge this time?  My thighs.  Well really my whole lower half and my inability to fit into last year's shorts and capris.  When I found the aforementioned clothing, I rejoiced and felt excitement at the whole crazy idea of legitimately wearing shorts in March in Michigan.  My joy quickly turned to disgust, when I couldn't button the capris.
And yeah, I teared up a little.   And then I cried because I was embarrassed that I was crying about my legs.  I am better than that.  For christ's sake, I am not somebody that cries about this shit.  A compelling contestant's life story on The Voice? You bet there are tears.  A sweet baptism at church? Gets my tears rolling every time.  My kids happy and achieving some grand goal they've set for themselves? Gets my cry on for sure. But my thighs?  I am better than that.

But of course just like the last 5,245 meltdowns, there is usually more going on.  And it's usually a balance thing, or more like an out of balance thing.

Should I really be surprised that my pants don't fit when I've been chronicling my addiction to Nutella and red wine?  My first reaction to my pants not fitting was that I needed to have my thyroid checked, I needed something to blame it on besides my bad decisions.

"I'm changing my life starting today," I said in a message to my husband after the car loop sob session.  "I am going to be a totally organized person starting today."

Back in the fall I made my annual "Back to School Resolutions" and looking back on them, I gotta say, I set the bar low enough that I fulfilled quite a few, if not all of them.

I did indeed find a decent morning routine, read one book to Wade and I totally tweet more.  

Feeling empowered by my ability to make promises of change and actually follow through with it, or at least some of it, I decided to make a new list.  
Spring Fever Resolutions include:

  • Go to bed before midnight at least three nights a week.
  • Cut back on the sweets--just say no to the whole jar of Nutella.
  • Watch more tv.  Sounds crazy, but I have almost a whole season of The Good Wife on my dvr that I need to watch.
  • Be nicer to myself and stop judging myself so harshly.
  • Wear more color.
  • And oh yeah, be totally, completely organized.
  • Enjoy the moment(s) even more.

In celebration of all this post meltdown positivity, we took the kids to Dairy Queen for their free cones. And instead of splurging for my favorite(but bigger and more calorie-d) M&M Blizzard for myself, I simply enjoyed the free vanilla cone and the moment.


  1. i find that the change of seasons (however weirdly hot) always throws me for a's something about the change = passage of time = opportunity for negative self-talk about all the things i'm *still* not doing right.

    can i add to your spring resolution list?
    treat yourself to new capris! <3

    1. I love your comments. Thank you!!!! Your words made me smile and feel so much better. And I'm going shopping this afternoon for new capris!